Discussion What if life has treated you better? what would be changed?

[nopointofliving]

Sometimes I think what if my life circumstances were in my favor, what would be changed?

what if I had a job in my young age?! what if I could make my own living?? what if I could chase the career I'm a good at?? what If I became a scientist :D What if, all these things happened, and everything went smoothly in my life. I think I might have enjoyed the achievements for while, but still feel empty and hallow within.

I think every sane human should reach this point that whatever he achieves or makes is utter nonsense. Life goes on, we are no different than a dog walking in the street, or a cow in a some farm. However, we humans tend complicate our lives, societies burden us with many should/shouldn't, must/mustn't.... what's this? They made this pointless life more difficult, more challenging and more painful.

It isn't our fault at all. We aren't lazy or stupid, we just realized the life reality better than what's called *sane people* can realize. I read many posts here, and trust me they're full of profound thoughts. We didn't come to this point out of nowhere. We also can see things, we also have own views/thoughts about the world, and our being should be acknowledged, respected and accepted by others.

What if the whole world is sick, and we are the left sane people??! I wonder?!!

 

[Sslsh]

Life has no inherent meaning or purpose. The only way i would not ctb is if I stop looking for one. But I'm not wired like that. I don't do anything that I don't find a purpose in, and living seems to be one of those things now. I can't wait for the day the situation is right for me to be able to end this nightmare

 

[Rustysoupcan]

I had an apartment, a car, a good job, and a loving boyfriend, and still attempted to take my life. I understand that so so many people would do anything to have what I have, yet I'm still ungrateful of it all. Even though I have everything I could want, I still felt/feel like life is useless. Theres no reason I need to be here. I don't think much would change if I had things like my dream house or a ton of money, because life its self doesn't change.

 

[nopointofliving]

Life has no inherent meaning or purpose. The only way i would not ctb is if I stop looking for one. But I'm not wired like that. I don't do anything that I don't find a purpose in, and living seems to be one of those things now. I can't wait for the day the situation is right for me to be able to end this nightmare

I feel you

I had an apartment, a car, a good job, and a loving boyfriend, and still attempted to take my life. I understand that so so many people would do anything to have what I have, yet I'm still ungrateful of it all. Even though I have everything I could want, I still felt/feel like life is useless. Theres no reason I need to be here. I don't think much would change if I had things like my dream house or a ton of money, because life its self doesn't change.

I can understand your point. There is no point of life :(

 

[Sslsh]

I had an apartment, a car, a good job, and a loving boyfriend, and still attempted to take my life. I understand that so so many people would do anything to have what I have, yet I'm still ungrateful of it all. Even though I have everything I could want, I still felt/feel like life is useless. Theres no reason I need to be here. I don't think much would change if I had things like my dream house or a ton of money, because life its self doesn't change.

Have you been to a shrink?

 

[Rustysoupcan]

Have you been to a shrink?

I've done every treatment except ect/tms

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Have this automatic emotional stuff that makes you stick to educations/jobs/relationships and not just leaving everything after a month.

 

[DarkWolf]

I'd have to be someone else a totally different person.
That's not a over sensitive emotional neurotic mess. That doesn't get upset or angry or suicidal or anxious over every trival thing.
I hate myself so much.
I'd live on my own and not be forced to have to live with others because of lack of money.
I'd be able to have a career or job or at least something to filll the time that doesn't make me feel worse.
I would be able to feel joy, peace or happiness all of which are foriegn concepts to me. All I know is the pit of despair of which i am never free.

I just want to be free of the devil stalking me.

I just want an identity. I don't know who I am, where I am or what I am.

No one can hear me. No one can see me. No one understands.

Life can't treat me better because I am a mess beyond hope.

Perhaps if life had been better before I wouldn't have ended up here but I guess I'll never know.

 

[WornOutLife]

I've wondered the same many times.

My conclusion is that yeah, sure, I could be happier but I would still be suicidal.

This unfair world and nonsense universe are not enough for me. I want answers. I'm even doubting reality now.

I think this existential crisis I'm having is inevitable and no matter how good my scenario is, I would still ctb.

 

[nopointofliving]

I'd have to be someone else a totally different person.
That's not a over sensitive emotional neurotic mess. That doesn't get upset or angry or suicidal or anxious over every trival thing.
I hate myself so much.
I'd live on my own and not be forced to have to live with others because of lack of money.
I'd be able to have a career or job or at least something to filll the time that doesn't make me feel worse.
I would be able to feel joy, peace or happiness all of which are foriegn concepts to me. All I know is the pit of despair of which i am never free.

I just want to be free of the devil stalking me.

I just want an identity. I don't know who I am, where I am or what I am.

No one can hear me. No one can see me. No one understands.

Life can't treat me better because I am a mess beyond hope.

Perhaps if life had been better before I wouldn't have ended up here but I guess I'll never know.

I feel you.... I wish the same for myself :( sending hugs and love to you my friend <3

I've wondered the same many times.

My conclusion is that yeah, sure, I could be happier but I would still be suicidal.

This unfair world and nonsense universe are not enough for me. I want answers. I'm even doubting reality now.

I think this existential crisis I'm having is inevitable and no matter how good my scenario is, I would still ctb.

my existential crisis started when I was 18. I was looking for answers through religions. At that time, Hindu and buddhist thoughts were appealing to me. I experienced few years of peace after that. Then, I realized that no , their answers aren't enough. I need to know more. I need to know what the hell I'm doing here. Now I think this life is pointless with no meaning. I want to leave this place, but at the same time I feel; maybe it isn't the right time. I don't have any tools for CTB and I haven't started to plan it well yet. I'm hanging in between.