What if I can’t do it

[TDF]

I can't ctb yet as I need to sign a few things, so it is likely to be late august maybe early September.

I've never attempted, this will hopefully be my one and final time. I am well prepared and planned, I'm very conscientious like that. But since I've never attempted I'm terrified that maybe I just don't have it in me to do it at all, maybe I don't have the balls at all to do this. I'm terrified this would be the case and then I'll have to live out my existence in hell forever.

I'm also terrified someone will catch on and stop me (I've completely cut off all my friends so no one suspects, but they still occasionally message or call me without my reply, some of them are doctors and I'm scared they will alert someone). Nothing I'm doing right now is at all characteristic of me and it's been a couple months, I'm really scared someone will suspect and stop me

 

[MrDarkness]

If you fail, you fail, no shame in it, either take it as a second chance at living or, try again to die, no shame in both

 

[TDF]

But I really can't and don't want to live . I only have SN and I don't think I can execute any of the other methods bc I'm just really not into gore or violence probably watched too many age inappropriate horror movies in my childhood.

Now SN is impossible to get and if I lose it I don't think I can get it again. And currently I have absolute freedom no one bothers me but I really fear people will catch on to me and then it will just be a nightmare

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly wish there was an option to just choose to leave this world in our sleep, I hate how suicide has to be so difficult where there are risks and complications involved in trying to die, this world truly is so hellish to me.

 

[SilentSadness]

Unfortunately, suicide is unreliable due to others selfishly doing their best to prevent it. The best one can do is to just read around the topic, choose a reliable method if available and make sure to be careful.