a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
...is philosophy and the beauty of life; the tragedy of it and the moments where you're above it all and can laugh about it's absurdity. The reason I can't go on is the pressure to perform and my inability to measure up. It seems I've lost the ability to give or receive love and to make and sustain relationships.
I could arrange myself with a library and a house near the forest - maybe working a few hours a day at maximum. Living with close family around. This is illusory. It's also just an image. I'd need energy and drive, libido (which I've also completely lost) to achieve those things and since I've missed so many crucial milestones in my development, its a Hercules task already.
As time runs out, it seems like I'm accelerating now, ever faster towards the inevitable logical consequence of all the seemingly small and insignificant wrong decisions I've made throughout the course of my life, that converge and ultimately will culminate in my own annihilation.
I could arrange myself with a library and a house near the forest - maybe working a few hours a day at maximum. Living with close family around. This is illusory. It's also just an image. I'd need energy and drive, libido (which I've also completely lost) to achieve those things and since I've missed so many crucial milestones in my development, its a Hercules task already.
As time runs out, it seems like I'm accelerating now, ever faster towards the inevitable logical consequence of all the seemingly small and insignificant wrong decisions I've made throughout the course of my life, that converge and ultimately will culminate in my own annihilation.
