Venting What I didn't know I'd lose

[PlasticFace]

So much shit has happened in the past week and it's getting pretty ridiculous. Like, life-altering events. I made a thread a couple of days ago about seizing so I won't re-explain everything and that has really fucked me up, emotionally and physically. I can't stay still, having full-body tremors. I've dealt with tremors before so I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal but it is. The little things that I can't do normally anymore are piling up. When I shower, I'm always getting soap in my eye. When I make coffee, I'm always spilling it on myself and getting burnt. When I walk around my house, I'm always stumbling. I can't even pet my dog anymore because I'm scared I'm going to accidentally hurt her. I live alone and I'd like to keep it that way. I try to keep reminding myself that I'll get used to it and I'll find tricks to make it easier but I don't have the mental capacity for that right now. My mom did a lot of fucked up shit to me when I was a kid but I still call her every day and today she told me that she was sick and she couldn't even get out of bed. I don't know if I should feel bad or not and that makes me feel evil. I work remotely and I have to sit at a computer all day and read tiny numbers and write emails and it's so hard because I can't keep still. When I had only neck spasms this was so much easier because I could hold my head steady if I needed to do anything but now I can't. I can't even sleep because I'm constantly moving. I wouldn't have to deal with any of this if I had just done it right when I was 14. I'm scarred, disfigured, and incapable of taking care of myself apparently. I have to look at myself in the mirror every single day and face the biggest mistake I've ever made, and it's right on my face.

TLDR: My mom is sick, I had so many seizures in a short amount of time that my brain was deprived of oxygen long enough to give me full-body spasms, might lose my job, I can't sleep, and I'm whining like a baby.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're suffering

 

[FuneralCry]

That just sounds so horrific what you have to endure, it really disgusts me how this life can torture people so much, it's true that existing in this world certainly is hell. But anyway, best wishes.