Silent_cries
I wish I could delete my trauma...
- Aug 10, 2021
- 1,052
Both before and during my ctb attempt yesterday, and for my attempt tomorrow I've been noticing something differently than my previous attempts. I'm actually exited about it. In almost all of my previous attempts I'd be hesistant towards going through with it. Like, I'd find every reason not to. But not this time. I don't feel hesistant in the slightest! In fact, I wish this day would go by faster! I litterary can't wait to be out of this misery. Instead of feeling scared or uncertain, I'm just feeling relieved and exited! I'm no expert, but I personally belive this is a sign that I'm genuinly ready to go this time. So if you ever feel more exited and/or relieved at the thought of ctb than before, it probably means you're ready to go. If not, it could be that there is something you're desiring that you need to do or experience before you go. For me it was that I needed to get to experience actually being cared for and loved one more time before I went, witch I have and now I feel fufilled. Like there is nothing holding me back from ending it rn. Thought I'd share in case it'll come in handy for someone else who is looking to ctb but might not be entirely ready yet. Just wish I had at least a tiny bit of apettite so I could enjoy one last big meal before I go like I've always wanted to but ohh well. Guess I'll try to have some ice cream this evening if anything. Anyway, hope this helps! Good luck to those of you out there who is looking to ctb, and good luck to those of you who are going for recovery also! May fate be on your side! Sending my best wishes + lot's of love <3
