fox_wannabe
Enlightened
- Jul 7, 2021
- 1,112
I am Aspie- meaning I am high functioning autistic person. I do not look weird (you thinking about down syndrome autism =/= down syndrome) or I do not act weird, most of the time. I am just in thin uncanny gap between normal and weird. Not weird enough to get people to act kind towards me in sake of their own conscience and virtue signaling. I have been alone and without real Irl friends for most of my life, or my entire life. In work people shout at me for not understanding stuff and making mistakes.
I internalize everything people say about me and how they act towards me. It adds up to sadness and shame.
Parents told me to learn hard because they knew my intelligence is only edge I have. While others where having fun I was sitting in books learning, just to score a bit lower then they. In the end I feel like my parents expected me to do something I cannot do. Or that they still expect me to continue and succeed in life. Life is incredibly cruel. World does not care about me, why would It.
I know I will never be professional artist or engineer. Dream of my parents to have son who have degree. It means their genes are worth something, that they are something of a worth and created something which will last. But I imagine better goal for myself. I will for few months hang around, listen to beautiful music and write sad posts on internet, paint, draw furries because I am cringe, and than hang from a tree. Maybe this spring. Or whenever I see fit and my guts will let me to do this act against all my instincts of self preservation.
I internalize everything people say about me and how they act towards me. It adds up to sadness and shame.
Parents told me to learn hard because they knew my intelligence is only edge I have. While others where having fun I was sitting in books learning, just to score a bit lower then they. In the end I feel like my parents expected me to do something I cannot do. Or that they still expect me to continue and succeed in life. Life is incredibly cruel. World does not care about me, why would It.
I know I will never be professional artist or engineer. Dream of my parents to have son who have degree. It means their genes are worth something, that they are something of a worth and created something which will last. But I imagine better goal for myself. I will for few months hang around, listen to beautiful music and write sad posts on internet, paint, draw furries because I am cringe, and than hang from a tree. Maybe this spring. Or whenever I see fit and my guts will let me to do this act against all my instincts of self preservation.
