Discussion What hopes have you let go of? Was it a relief to let them go?

[Forever Sleep]

I let go of my hopes for (romantic) love, a very successful career, even friendship I have less faith in now. Recovery- because I don't want to put in the effort. I'd like to be fitter but slim is also unlikely. I rely on comfort food too much.

In most part, it's been a relief to let go of my dreams. They brought with them such longing and feelings of inadequacy and failure.

How about you? Do you still hold on to your dreams? Do they bring you more hope or despair?

 

[DivineSpark]

I dont think I will ever be free human being again. I am simply...fucked up..despair, anxiety, hopelessness, anhedonia...

 

[dragonofenvy]

I let go of familial love, romantic love, friendships, a fulfilling career. Was it a relief? I don't know. It made me feel more powerless, but clinging to my dreams just brought me a lot of pain when I inevitably failed. I tried, for example, to pursue a career in computer science because I had thought for all of my middle school and high school that I wouldn't be able to make friends (I tried to, it never worked out), but that I would at least be able to have a career that I'd be proud of. I went through college with perfect grades, and yet never got replies in the hundreds of resumes I sent out. My school couldn't figure out what was wrong either, they told me that I had "One of the best resumes of the class."

That hurt a lot, to put all of your hope into one basket so to speak, and then to have it burn. That, among many other things, was why I learned never to hope again. You need to get a win here and there to want to keep going, not constantly lose. Imagine playing a video game except the game does everything to make sure you will always lose. Would you keep playing after losing for the thousandth time? Probably not. Same thing applies here.

 

[slowdance]

I let go of hope for friendship. I will never figure out what I do to cause everyone to abandon me. It has not brought relief overall, but every time a friend has ghosted me since I realized that's all I'll ever get, I don't have to endure the sting of shock anymore. I guess it spreads out the pain over a longer period of time than all at once.

 

[GoSan1]

Love and having a chance of heaven. Letting go of love reduces loneliness felt, and without any hope, you can bring yourself to die much easier

 

[Namelesa]

I would say I definitely still hold onto some dreams as I do actually have the potential to actually achieve them one day if I don't kill myself before I can get them done. Its mostly about the games I want to make and I have made more than half way with the main project I am currently working on. However it is somewhat of a burden for me as that will increase my reasons to live as I hope I can provide something unique to others with my creations but I guess that doesn't matter at the moment as I literally can't access any effective methods. However the work can be draining sometimes.

I however don't have much hope for other things like I want such as to be able to get a close human connection to someone and for them to love me. I think I can make new connections quite fine, the problem for me is keeping them as I am an emotional burden on them and anxiety and worthlessness due to my fear of abandonment and paranoia of doing anything wrong and my people pleasing behavior causing me to sacrifice my own needs. This however is my main hope for lessening my suffering if I am unable to ctb. I wish I never had this desire as life would be easier without it.

 

[SVEN]

Getting out alive ?

 

[FoxSauce]

That things will get better

Not being able to find love or a good relationship with anyone


Ik its wishful thinking but the world could be a better place but we live truth that things are gonna get more awful from here

 

[NonEssential]

I can keep on coping that I'm fine with and don't care about the fact that I won't be making any friends nor will I ever experience romantic love. Still hurts a bit thinking about it though.

 

[shadows_and_silence]

i used to hope all the time for either finding someone who would be like my partner in life (either platonically or romantically) or that I'd get my old best friend back. I've now realized that if the world was ending and everyone had someone to cling to, no one would choose me. and thats okay

 

[TheHolySword]

Love, happiness, anything good in life. I let go of hope itself. There is only darkness, pain, suffering for me. Soon the end will be here.

 

[WhenIBreathe]

So many things - love, career, family, the hope that someone would someday save me

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

That I could recover from the eating disorder that has ravaged my life for the past six years. I almost came out the other side last time I tried recovery.....got so close.....

That experience of failure made me realize that owing to my absence of a will to live, of having any games worth playing, recovery will always be impossible. There are always reasons to start recovery, but never any to finish it. And it's not the first 80%--the physical act of eating and gaining weight and nutritionally rehabilitating--that's the hardest. That I can do. It's the last 20%, where you actually have to build something anew on top of the demolition site. And I proved incapable--or unwilling--to do so, for want of any pursuits worth pursuing.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I let go of a career, a social life, traveling, the dream of ever being pain free again. Hell, most days I don't leave the house.

 

[itbelikethat]

I let go of the hope for being accepted. I can fake my way into relationships, it's honestly not that hard, just gotta play the character tbh.

What I mean is true, unfiltered acceptance, both from myself and others, to have this feeling of being wanted, to have people come and spend time with me, without some ulterior motive.

I nearly had that, but I fucked it up. Tbh I'm glad, because I got to have that feeling one time in my life. I wish that person had told me off instead of bring fake nice though.

 

[Electra]

Getting out alive ?

"Don't take life too seriously. You're never getting out alive."

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I've pretty much completely let go of the idea that I will find love and/or do something meaningful with my life.

 

[sadalways]

Let go of every hope i had including finding a job, going to uni, etc. except for finding love... which hurts me more than anything because i've always desperately wanted to feel what it's like to hold that someone special in your arms and do all kinds of cute stuff together, and i know it's so unrealistic for someone like me who's just a huge ball of anxiety with no hobbies or any plans for the future to find a partner. I really wish i could let go of this one last hope, but it's been stuck in my head since i was a teen and it will be the end of me

 

[Lostandlooking]

I let go of the hope for genuine connection with other people. I have friends and a relationship. But they don't truly understand me. I've become comfortable being alone with my deepest feelings.

I also let go of the hope that other people will acknowledge or understand my pain. What I've been through has broken me. But when I tell people about it, I just get blank stares. Or worse: someone tells me that's not that bad, no reason to be traumatised about something like that.

And reading the comments above I realize there's something else: I let go of the hope that my physical pain will someday go away. Though I still work at it, so I guess there's still some hope. Though realistically, I know I'm just managing symptoms. (with disappointing results always)

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Let go of having any creative pursuits. It's not going to happen. I was not born with any talents. Nothing about me makes me special. I am just another rotting piece of flesh on this stupid rock.

 

[cme-dme]

I used to have hopes and dreams but they were smothered out when I eventually realized how infeasible they really are. For a while I wanted to move to a new country but generally any first world country wants you to provide something of value to them for you to live there and I have nothing. I wanted to graduate college but I was stomped out and dropped out in my first year so that's not happening. Not much to look forward to in life.

 

[nembutaldream]

I let go of my hopes for (romantic) love, a very successful career, even friendship I have less faith in now. Recovery- because I don't want to put in the effort. I'd like to be fitter but slim is also unlikely. I rely on comfort food too much.

In most part, it's been a relief to let go of my dreams. They brought with them such longing and feelings of inadequacy and failure.

How about you? Do you still hold on to your dreams? Do they bring you more hope or despair?

Yes. Ironically, having goals and things I wanted to do made me want to ctb even more, maybe because of the pressure?

That, among many other things, was why I learned never to hope again. You need to get a win here and there to want to keep going, not constantly lose. Imagine playing a video game except the game does everything to make sure you will always lose. Would you keep playing after losing for the thousandth time? Probably not. Same thing applies here.

I relate so much to this. Out of curiosity, why did letting go of hopes make you feel powerless? It's strange but for me letting go of goals like being loved, having supportive friends, etc. actually makes me feel more powerful because then I don't feel the lack anymore.

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

i've let go of the hope that things will get better. now i'm planning to sleep and dream of company and belonging while my body eats itself. it's not such a bad way to go as long as i can hide it.