T
ThatStateOfMind
Enlightened
- Nov 13, 2021
- 1,204
As the title says, what allows you to hang in and stay alive? I'm just curious what some people on this site's motivation for living is.
You are truly salt of the earth soul, just OUTSTANDING!My parents. They've been through so much, and I can't hurt them in this way. I can't. They deserve happiness. Once they're gone, that's when I'll CTB.
Wow, I'm actually crying, I haven't had someone be this nice to me in a while and it was a nice surprise. Thank you, and I hope you have a wonderful week too.You are truly salt of the earth soul, just OUTSTANDING!
I am so super happy to have you as a friend on here, as you are so darn kind, thoughtful and a heart of gold.
Have a great rest of this week filled with sunny blue skies and lots of hugs and well wishes.
Walter
Mainly my family, I should stay alive to make sure I won't give them trauma they don't deserve.As the title says, what allows you to hang in and stay alive? I'm just curious what some people on this site's motivation for living is.
Strange how that obscure hope can ease our daily pains and nudge us on just another step.In full transparency I use suicide ideation as a coping method and thinking "I can ctb tomorrow just not today" has helped me a lot. And I know I have it as a legitimate way out of the poverty and physical and mental pain. And I'm doing some planning just in case I do ctb.
The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.Strange how that obscure hope can ease our daily pains and nudge us on just another step.
You're really strong.In full transparency I use suicide ideation as a coping method and thinking "I can ctb tomorrow just not today" has helped me a lot. And I know I have it as a legitimate way out of the poverty and physical and mental pain. And I'm doing some planning just in case I do ctb.
I try to make rules for myself like I'm not allowed to ctb when I'm on my period or really really exhausted or on a loved ones birthday/ holiday in an effort to extend my life.
My main goal is living long enough for something else to take me out so I don't hurt my family extra with suicide.
To stay alive I try to think "I need to live long enough for the next season of X tv show to come out" or "I need to read all the Stephen King books first." I want to travel more if I can ever afford it and get more tattoos. I want to date someone of the same sex. I would love to see my chemical romance live. Learn more Spanish or another language. Spend more time making memories with the people I love.
It's really really hard. But I'm still here
Thank you so much for saying soYou're really strong.
I mean it makes me wanna try harder as well. Also I love your pfp!! Angel's of Death is so goodThank you so much for saying so
Love your posts, Walter. You're a bright beam of light in this forum! You're the sunshine!For me, I guess, it is the fact that being older and having 24/7 chronic pain, that I really want to see parts of this world and also experience local folks.
Since I live with pain, I also want a counterbalance of sunshine and happy times.
Walter
This isn't too strange, I do the same thing sometimes!In full transparency I use suicide ideation as a coping method and thinking "I can ctb tomorrow just not today" has helped me a lot.
and this is what I meant by my above post Walter! I also want to say, I had no clue you also commented this, but it just shows how kind you are!You are truly salt of the earth soul, just OUTSTANDING!
I am so super happy to have you as a friend on here, as you are so darn kind, thoughtful and a heart of gold.
Have a great rest of this week filled with sunny blue skies and lots of hugs and well wishes.
Walter
I can relate to some of these! I am actually in the process of planning a trip to a theme park after this semester. It'll only be 1 night but it shouldn't cost too much ($200/person), and it's just the break I need after a rough semester and before I transfer to Uni. I'm also hopeful that I will play GTA 6 before I pass, which I have mentioned in a previous thread on here lol.Minor plans in the near future (travel, concerts, meeting up with friends, etc.).
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A MASSIVE backlog of video games and books that I haven't gotten to yet.
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The pinprick of hope that I'll meet the love of my life soon.
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Yeah, that's the same way I feel. My life could be much worse and I feel I at least have some privileges that others don't have. I'm not part of a marginalized group, I'm able to go to college and get a degree (granted, it's all paid for by FAFSA due to poverty), and I have all the basic necessities and even some luxuriesMy life isn't that bad - it could be so much worse. However, there are external circumstances that make me suicidal. Also, I have some hope left it could get better and I actually don't wanna die.
This one hits hard, I have a partner currently and I do NOT want to hurt her, but I know I might do it. At the very least, she gives me pause so I know I will not do anything impulsive. Similarly, I have a friend whom I made on here, she left the site, and now we chat on social media. I made a promise to her that I wouldn't leave without writing her a note so that also gives me pause. All of those things make it so hard.It's very simple. My lovely and amazing partner (who I love and adore), my best friends (I live with one of them). I do realize my privilege having all these amazing, kind and loving people in my life who care about me. I feel often guilty because I know that in the end I will ctb and leave them. I sometimes feel like a fraud. They do know about my mental health struggles but they don't know how finite my decision to ctb is. My partner knows a little and he has been nothing but supportive trying to make me envision my future on earth and to pursue and experience things. I believe he is scared sometimes that I will go through with it. But then again he s supported me through multiple hospital stays, therapy, mental health medication etc. But he s always trying to keep me optimistic. It makes it hard. I don't want to leave any of them but I cannot stay. I m in this limbo. It's tough.
Yeah I can relate to this somewhat. I wouldn't say my life has never been good, but it's been pretty poor for all of my life. I don't wanna get into specifics but neglectful parents for most of my life is a big part. In that neglect and poverty, I have decided that I don't want my life to be that. I don't want to be defined by that. It's part of the reason I chose the major I did, and if I switch majors, my second choice is also something that pays well. I wish you the best in trying to achieve your goals, my friend!What keeps me alive is that my life is shitty and it's never been good. I've never been at peace. That's why I'm working hard to have a nice job, to be healthy, to have have people I care about who care about me, so I can make sure that I actually want to go and that it's not just the bad cards I've been handed that make me want to ctb. Cause if there's a chance for happiness in the future I'm gonna use the little energy I have left to try and achieve it.
Hope that week continues beyond just a week!To be honest, i don't even know. ctb'ing is always there as an option but also there's alotta fun stuff to do here, besides i'm currently having my 1 week of feeling good
The nice thing about externals is that you can often control or, even better, eliminate them. I am glad for you that internal factors do not seem to play a dominant role in your considerations. I truly hope that you are able to resolve your circumstances so that you no longer feel respite in the hope of a premature death.My life isn't that bad - it could be so much worse. However, there are external circumstances that make me suicidal. Also, I have some hope left it could get better and I actually don't wanna die.