heyy
Member
- Jun 19, 2024
- 31
October 11th 2022 - That was the day I took 40g of paracetamol (40x 1g pills)
Info: I was 173cm/5 feet 8 inches and 50kg/110lbs
But first of all: I want you to tell to NOT ctb with this method. I it extremely painful and not fast
(But if you have been informing you for a while about good and bad methods you probably know this)
I already knew it is extremely painful but didn't care cuz "I deserve torture" and "It won't be that bad" ... yeah... in fact... it was more than just bad
On 10/11/22 6pm I took 40g of paracetamol. (I planned to take 60g paracetamol, 60g Ibuprofen and 40g Aspirin - don't ask why I was so stupid)
after the first 10 pills (10g) I already felt uncomfortable. (I took all the pills at the same time btw). But I continued. When I took 40g, I was feeling very unwell and nauseous and had to stop cuz I didn't want to vomit and everything was just wasted time.
Then I tried to distract me and played video games. But I still wasn't feeling well.
After max. 30mins I needed to lay down and tried to sleep. Next thing I can remember is vomiting several times over night. I can't describe that feeling but it was wayyyyy worse than everything I've ever experienced. Believe me, I've been through extremely bad things (physically and mentally pain etc.) If you haven't experienced it yourself, you can't even imagine a little bit how it felt. But since I desperately wannted to die I tried to swallow as much of my vomit as I can so I don't loose my progress and survive. But there was still much vomit on the floor and my bed. It was like white fluid or smth. Then I remeber laying in bed next day at 9am with the worst pain I've ever felt (Thats when I saw my vomit).
It was almost impossible for me to walk. I managed to do a few steps to get outside of the house and the ambulance was called. (15h after I took the pills)
I was rushed to the hospital (in Schwerin - a town in Germany) but I don't remember that. They placed a central venous catheter (CVC, or zentraler Venenkatheter-ZVK in german).
"A central venous catheter is a thin, flexible tube that is inserted into a vein, usually below the right collarbone, and guided (threaded) into a large vein above the right side of the heart called the superior vena cava. It is used to give intravenous fluids, blood transfusions, chemotherapy, and other drugs." - google. The last thing I know about this day is that I was flown to a better hospital (in Hanover - also in Germany) at 12am in a helicopter (15h or smth after I came into the hospital) and vomited again while we were flying. Idk what happend between that time
The first week after my attempt I spend in the intensive care unit (ICU) in Hanover since in the first week the doctors didn't know if I would survive, need a liver transplant or have orangan (especialy brain) damage.
I don't know much about the time there but I still remeber a few things.
I was in very severe pain. I couldn't move much. I was only able to change from left to right when I'm lying but it was very hard. When the doctors held me so I wouldn't fall back while sitting, I felt very dizzy and not good. But they needed to do that to wash me a little bit cuz I was far away from doing it myself obviously.
They also did something to "wash my blood" every day via CVC. The doctors showed me what the blood looked like that was in my body - It was a dark brown to black fluid. The doctors also said something about liver values of 9000. I think they meant the AST and ALT values or smth.
context: If liver enzyme levels are extremely high (e.g., AST and ALT above 10,000 U/L), it indicates massive cell death.
Normal values for these enzymes are approximately 10–50 U/L.
ALT and AST are enzymes released from liver cells into the bloodstream when they are damaged or destroyed. Levels in the thousands suggest that a significant portion of liver cells has been destroyed.
They said if my values increase even slightly, it's over. But for some reason they stopped rising when they were at the highest limit. But they didn't go down either. They also didn't know how I was able to survive this. But I unfortunately did. Apparently I was almost about to die but it didn't feel like that.
Thats all I can say about the first week after the attempt. I really don't know much about that time.
The next 2 weeks I spend in the hospital in Schwerin in the ICU. I remember a lot of cables on/in my body. Especially the ones leading in my CVC. I can't imagine what I was looking like in Hanover lol. And there were so much things on that pole thing that were flowing in my body.
In the last days I got a little physiotherapy so I can walk a little bit after 3 weeks of just lying. And then they allowed me to shower for the first time!! That was so good but also sooo exhausting. I had to take multiple breaks and sit down. But at least I could wash my hair after 2 weeks. They haven't had the opportunity to wash my hair in Schwerin unfortunately but at least in Hanover they could wash my hair.
After a total of 3 weeks in the ICU i was sent to a psychiatry obviously...
The psychiatry was right next to that hospital so I was brought there in a wheelchair cuz walking was still very exhausting.
I also had to be careful since my organs haven't fully recovered and they regulary examined my blood values.
I noticed that sometimes out of the blue I couldn't think or talk anymore. I wasn't able to form words or sentences for max. half a minute.
That happend a few times a day 4 weeks after the attempt. But now 2 years later, I have it like max. 2 times a month. Most time even less. And it is much less severe than back then.
I managed to get out after just a few months at least... So I could start working on ctb methods again.
And I swore to myself that the next time will be the last. I practised more and informed me much more since then.
Thankfully I found this site from reddit and I am so happy to finally talk to people who are pro choice and don't judge you!!
Thank you so much!
Please don't hesitate to ask me if you have questions.
love u <3
Sorry for my lack of english vocab and repeating words too much maybe. Hope it is still easy to read :)
Info: I was 173cm/5 feet 8 inches and 50kg/110lbs
But first of all: I want you to tell to NOT ctb with this method. I it extremely painful and not fast
(But if you have been informing you for a while about good and bad methods you probably know this)
I already knew it is extremely painful but didn't care cuz "I deserve torture" and "It won't be that bad" ... yeah... in fact... it was more than just bad
On 10/11/22 6pm I took 40g of paracetamol. (I planned to take 60g paracetamol, 60g Ibuprofen and 40g Aspirin - don't ask why I was so stupid)
after the first 10 pills (10g) I already felt uncomfortable. (I took all the pills at the same time btw). But I continued. When I took 40g, I was feeling very unwell and nauseous and had to stop cuz I didn't want to vomit and everything was just wasted time.
Then I tried to distract me and played video games. But I still wasn't feeling well.
After max. 30mins I needed to lay down and tried to sleep. Next thing I can remember is vomiting several times over night. I can't describe that feeling but it was wayyyyy worse than everything I've ever experienced. Believe me, I've been through extremely bad things (physically and mentally pain etc.) If you haven't experienced it yourself, you can't even imagine a little bit how it felt. But since I desperately wannted to die I tried to swallow as much of my vomit as I can so I don't loose my progress and survive. But there was still much vomit on the floor and my bed. It was like white fluid or smth. Then I remeber laying in bed next day at 9am with the worst pain I've ever felt (Thats when I saw my vomit).
It was almost impossible for me to walk. I managed to do a few steps to get outside of the house and the ambulance was called. (15h after I took the pills)
I was rushed to the hospital (in Schwerin - a town in Germany) but I don't remember that. They placed a central venous catheter (CVC, or zentraler Venenkatheter-ZVK in german).
"A central venous catheter is a thin, flexible tube that is inserted into a vein, usually below the right collarbone, and guided (threaded) into a large vein above the right side of the heart called the superior vena cava. It is used to give intravenous fluids, blood transfusions, chemotherapy, and other drugs." - google. The last thing I know about this day is that I was flown to a better hospital (in Hanover - also in Germany) at 12am in a helicopter (15h or smth after I came into the hospital) and vomited again while we were flying. Idk what happend between that time
The first week after my attempt I spend in the intensive care unit (ICU) in Hanover since in the first week the doctors didn't know if I would survive, need a liver transplant or have orangan (especialy brain) damage.
I don't know much about the time there but I still remeber a few things.
I was in very severe pain. I couldn't move much. I was only able to change from left to right when I'm lying but it was very hard. When the doctors held me so I wouldn't fall back while sitting, I felt very dizzy and not good. But they needed to do that to wash me a little bit cuz I was far away from doing it myself obviously.
They also did something to "wash my blood" every day via CVC. The doctors showed me what the blood looked like that was in my body - It was a dark brown to black fluid. The doctors also said something about liver values of 9000. I think they meant the AST and ALT values or smth.
context: If liver enzyme levels are extremely high (e.g., AST and ALT above 10,000 U/L), it indicates massive cell death.
Normal values for these enzymes are approximately 10–50 U/L.
ALT and AST are enzymes released from liver cells into the bloodstream when they are damaged or destroyed. Levels in the thousands suggest that a significant portion of liver cells has been destroyed.
They said if my values increase even slightly, it's over. But for some reason they stopped rising when they were at the highest limit. But they didn't go down either. They also didn't know how I was able to survive this. But I unfortunately did. Apparently I was almost about to die but it didn't feel like that.
Thats all I can say about the first week after the attempt. I really don't know much about that time.
The next 2 weeks I spend in the hospital in Schwerin in the ICU. I remember a lot of cables on/in my body. Especially the ones leading in my CVC. I can't imagine what I was looking like in Hanover lol. And there were so much things on that pole thing that were flowing in my body.
In the last days I got a little physiotherapy so I can walk a little bit after 3 weeks of just lying. And then they allowed me to shower for the first time!! That was so good but also sooo exhausting. I had to take multiple breaks and sit down. But at least I could wash my hair after 2 weeks. They haven't had the opportunity to wash my hair in Schwerin unfortunately but at least in Hanover they could wash my hair.
After a total of 3 weeks in the ICU i was sent to a psychiatry obviously...
The psychiatry was right next to that hospital so I was brought there in a wheelchair cuz walking was still very exhausting.
I also had to be careful since my organs haven't fully recovered and they regulary examined my blood values.
I noticed that sometimes out of the blue I couldn't think or talk anymore. I wasn't able to form words or sentences for max. half a minute.
That happend a few times a day 4 weeks after the attempt. But now 2 years later, I have it like max. 2 times a month. Most time even less. And it is much less severe than back then.
I managed to get out after just a few months at least... So I could start working on ctb methods again.
And I swore to myself that the next time will be the last. I practised more and informed me much more since then.
Thankfully I found this site from reddit and I am so happy to finally talk to people who are pro choice and don't judge you!!
Thank you so much!
Please don't hesitate to ask me if you have questions.
love u <3
Sorry for my lack of english vocab and repeating words too much maybe. Hope it is still easy to read :)
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