What feelings do you expect to feel right before ctb?

[Kramer]

.

 

[WornOutLife]

When I tried to CTB and failed, before the very act of hanging myself, I felt calmness, peace and my life flashing before my eyes.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

What feelings do you expect

 

[GarageKarate07]

Honestly? I would imagine just about all of them LOL. Fear of what we did wrong, fear of punishment, anger about how we couldn't or didn't change, anger about how we were mistreated or cheated over certain things, grief, sadness because CTB is a very hard decision to make, sadness because we felt we deserved a "better chance" at this life, sadness because of how horrible this world actually is and that we have to leave it behind, joy because we are finally leaving, joy because we get to "go home". Depression, blame, aggression, acceptance, ECT ECT. If some of us don't feel this now while we are thinking about CTB day after day then I'm sure these types of feelings will boil up when we have our method and our note and our final moments. It's going to be scary as fuck for a lot of us too but where's the magic thing that will help us fix our lives, take away the pain, make us happy , and give us more reason to go on? It's hard thing , CTB , no matter how hard you look at it, it's a very very hard thing. I think when the feeling of unhappiness over grows the want or need to CTB that's when it starts to get easier but only so much. I think that's why most people would want an instant death like a pistol more than other methods with the suffering lasting a little longer.

 

[Kramer]

Honestly? I would imagine just about all of them LOL. Fear of what we did wrong, fear of punishment, anger about how we couldn't or didn't change, anger about how we were mistreated or cheated over certain things, grief, sadness because CTB is a very hard decision to make, sadness because we felt we deserved a "better chance" at this life, sadness because of how horrible this world actually is and that we have to leave it behind, joy because we are finally leaving, joy because we get to "go home". Depression, blame, aggression, acceptance, ECT ECT. If some of us don't feel this now while we are thinking about CTB day after day then I'm sure these types of feelings will boil up when we have our method and our note and our final moments. It's going to be scary as fuck for a lot of us too but where's the magic thing that will help us fix our lives, take away the pain, make us happy , and give us more reason to go on? It's hard thing , CTB , no matter how hard you look at it, it's a very very hard thing. I think when the feeling of unhappiness over grows the want or need to CTB that's when it starts to get easier but only so much. I think that's why most people would want an instant death like a pistol more than other methods with the suffering lasting a little longer.

When the fantasy becomes cold reality. If I jump, I know that reality will kick in hard as I fall. A whole new level of hell for 10 seconds.

 

[Coffeandamug]

With time I have come to think about many perspectives on death and suicide. Today I've settled on the view that to continue living or to choose to die are not that different. I feel like both of them are courageous acts and I would fully support both decisions to anyone that told me they were making these decisions. If I choose to die, I know I'll have overthought the decision over and over, I know that I'll have thought about all the other possibile choices and that this one rose above the rest as the uncontested winner. I can be very thorough when thinking about my options, I can spend over a week analysing the best possibilities and outcomes. So I imagine I'll be at peace with myself, knowing that I'm making the optimal decision not only for me, but for everyone that I accounted could be affected by those decisions. Of course, at the end this would be all a bet, as every decision is, but it would be a very consistent one. So besides any physical pain that I might expirience, I think I'll have a peaceful feeling knowing that I'm trying to make the best I can out of my existence, even if that presents itself as not existing anymore.

 

[GarageKarate07]

When the fantasy becomes cold reality. If I jump, I know that reality will kick in hard as I fall. A whole new level of hell for 10 seconds.

Either way we have to force ourselves through that threshold into the after life. It's like making yourself be born through your mother's vagina again. It's not fucking easy. We will have to endure some heavy shit to leave this world.

 

[SpinTop555]

Fear, sadness, relief, simultaneously

 

[Kramer]

Either way we have to force ourselves through that threshold into the after life. It's like making yourself be born through your mother's vagina again. It's not fucking easy. We will have to endure some heavy shit to leave this world.

Interesting view. Breaching the egg

 

[Symbiote]

I would've done all my sappy crying shit hours before I CTB. It'll feel like the same way when I attempted last time. The feeling of giving myself closure for all the things that life has thrown at me. No winners, no losers, just slipping through the timestream.

 

[watereyes]

Extreme anxiety.

 

[awfullife]

Regret and fear.

 

[0utsider]

Fear, not of dying but of what happens next.
Huge relief as all my worldly concerns are washed away before my eyes.
Regretting the decisions I made in life and thoughts about how I could have made it if I had a chance to do it over.
Anger, so much anger. The world is unfair, sadistic and will betray your efforts at every step.

But most of all, I would feel at peace. I no longer have to suffer anymore.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

When I was going to attempt a couple of years ago (was found before I could) there was an interesting feeling of blankness, but also a heavy, weighted feeling in my chest. I was panicking at the obstacles around me. I wish I wasn't interrupted and that I could have died then. But there was also this relief that the pain was going to end soon. It felt like TV static.

 

[Thanatonaut]

When the fantasy becomes cold reality. If I jump, I know that reality will kick in hard as I fall. A whole new level of hell for 10 seconds.

Not to belabor the point, but I think anyone contemplating jumping should go make a skydive. See what it's like to fall toward the ground WITH a parachute, and you'll likely quickly realize how much you DON'T want to do it without one. The way time seems to dilate the closer you get to the ground, who's to say that final moment before impact doesn't stretch to near infinity? I'm not trying to talk anyone in or out of anything, I just don't want anyone to get themselves into something without knowing what to expect.

 

[doubtfulmayonnaise]

.

Relief.

 

[lotus11]

It will be hell I imagine, I think that nobody wants to experience suicide, honestly, no matter how much you hate your life I think that it will be the most difficult thing you will ever do. Even though my life is a fucking prison, you can't deny that for everyone there is a very strong magnetism towards existence. I imagine that those couple of mins before ctb will pretty much be a terrifying hell, and there is no way around that

 

[mimiopo22]

peace or anxiety. I don't know

 

[http-410]

Hopefully nothing.

I really hope that dissociation for once will be useful.

Physically, probably a pounding heart.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Mostly fear, because I know I'm not going to be able to go out peacefully by using something like N.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

On my multiple attempts one thing I can remember is at first being scared, but then when I finally decided to go through with it, it was like it all made sense. I was still afraid because I was in a lot of pain during one attempt (don't try to OD on Tylenol, kids). I called my mom to just let her know that I didn't think I was going to make it. I really wish I hadn't made it. However, I think I'm more at peace with the idea of leaving now and I'm hoping that in the end that'll help. Yes, everything is still terrible, just absolute f*cking misery, but going doesn't seem so bad now. I just want to find my peace.

 

[Sherri]

My other attempts I felt calm and happy. But I do know I wouldn't succeed anyways, but at the time I thought I was, now I won't fail when the time comes. @needforrelief i enjoy reading all your threads, you write very well and ask very interesting topics. Well done you.

 

[sadworld]

Happiness and euphoria because it's finally over

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Relief from the past 40 years of head screwed up. Peace from not being depressed. Joy that social anxiety, BPD and PTSD no longer has a hold on me. Being greedy I want to be wrapped in the comfort of the ctb duvet taking me away to the bus.

 

[xLosthopex]

Fear that it won't work

 

[Wakawaka]

apart of me was scared knowing that i'll never be able to enjoy certain things anymore, but also happy that i finally wont feel pain anymore i always feel conflicted

 

[it's_all_a_game]

Regretful my life wasn't better, but calm and at peace.

 

[mirko]

Solace. The thought of finally finding peace comforts me.

 

[K1rX]

Fear. But only before I jump. The wind and the freedom of falling sounds so blissful to me. Relief.