Help What else is left?

[ForgottenAgain]

I spent weeks answering calls from Talking Therapies, answering the same questions over and over, to get to today and hear from my GP that they referred me to the crisis team when I told them, on all phone calls, that I never want to go to the crisis team again as I had a bad experience.
The crisis team is just 6 weeks and all about prescribing drugs which I told them I don't want anymore. I said so many times that I'm not in crisis, I have suicidal thoughts but this has been going on for more than a decade, it's not acute, it's part of my daily life. They didn't care...

I asked Talking Therapies on the phone to put me on their system but they said I don't fit the criteria and they couldn't tell me what other system is there, just sent me back to the GP to ask there.
I felt so hopeless...I ended the call as I was starting to cry when I said: "but I don't want drugs, I need help please."

I've been crying all day today. I had used my last strength to do this and now it all went down the drain for the nth time.
Last time this year I was incredibly depressed and started having psychotic symptoms. I'm terrified of it happening again. I can't go back to that place, I can't, I can't, I can't.

Song

 

[cockburglar]

i wish i could do something to help you, we can pm if u ever want to have someone hear u out but honestly thats all i got

 

[timf]

Sometimes looking at the big picture can seem hopeless. If you can have some small successes, it might be possible to string them together and build on them. Can you do something completely outside of your normal routine that might help you break out of a narrowing perspective. For example, could you go to a library and look through the humor section to get a bit of a lift. You might also visit a pet rescue center just to have an opportunity to see some cute pets.

You might visit a zoo and look for some elderly lady who looks like she needs a friend and ask her how she is doing. Things that you might never consider, even if small, might open possibilities that could be helpful.