What *else* are you supposed to do when you can’t participate in the world.

[Sord17]

When I look outside I see a world I can never actually participate in. Whenever I try I have to dissolve massive parts of my personality, be complicit in systems I find detestable, and end up self loathing even more than ever.

I know a lot of us have this sense. The world doesn't value the same things as you and doesn't value what you want to contribute. The people are good, but they believe in all of this, fit in. That barrier of their compliance and your deviance will always block you from making real connections.

There's the medicine that silences your mood but your problem isn't quite an involuntary chemical response but a reaction to your critical assessment of this mess. You explain this to a therapist and they say "do not worry about big things you can't change" you are fine as a person, you thought, but you just can't join in while being who you are.

Your identity cannot survive compliance. They are mutually exclusive. You're not even sure you can destroy your identity and build one. What can you do? Hide from it, long for what could be?

Me personally now I'm drawn to become what my government would call a "domestic terrorist" the world I could live in has to be fought for. I long for it, my dream job is to be a militant brutally fighting for freedom to live in a world that wants me. The only ambition that can inspire me to action. I can't change the world when I'm not even a part of this one, people seem less and less interested in that future by the day anyway. I can't participate, I have to leave but there's only one way out?

There has to be other options, extreme or simple but actually plausible. I'm stumped, I know my truth . No body wants to admit it but some of us grow up to turn out to be a person society fundamentally doesn't want or need.

I'd hope for a better run in the next life but I do NOT want to do this again and don't have faith in the general future.


- I know the post is a bit y and melodramatic but I am actually asking for advise. If not death what alternatives are there to live (and hopefully find fulfilment) in a society you personally can't participate in?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

One thing I've learned, living as long as I have, is that if you have an "idea" about how things are, how things are wrong, what things are wrong, what should be changed, etc, someone else has those same ideas, too. Sounds like starting a cult with like-minded individuals might meet your fulfillment needs.

In all seriousness, you'll never change the world. It is what it is. It's not going to get better. Entropy laws dictate that chaos and discord is where ALL ends up. We can take it, or we can leave it. Those are the options.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I'm stumped, I know my truth . No body wants to admit it but some of us grow up to turn out to be a person society fundamentally doesn't want or need.

Well said. I just did not turn out. I can't imagine doing ANYTHING. How can people climb sheer rock faces? How can they build and operate flying machines? Compose symphonies? Just the minimum of getting the money to not starve seems impossible. I don't belong here.

 

[Endisclose]

When I look outside I see a world I can never actually participate in. Whenever I try I have to dissolve massive parts of my personality, be complicit in systems I find detestable, and end up self loathing even more than ever.

I know a lot of us have this sense. The world doesn't value the same things as you and doesn't value what you want to contribute. The people are good, but they believe in all of this, fit in. That barrier of their compliance and your deviance will always block you from making real connections.

There's the medicine that silences your mood but your problem isn't quite an involuntary chemical response but a reaction to your critical assessment of this mess. You explain this to a therapist and they say "do not worry about big things you can't change" you are fine as a person, you thought, but you just can't join in while being who you are.

Your identity cannot survive compliance. They are mutually exclusive. You're not even sure you can destroy your identity and build one. What can you do? Hide from it, long for what could be?

Me personally now I'm drawn to become what my government would call a "domestic terrorist" the world I could live in has to be fought for. I long for it, my dream job is to be a militant brutally fighting for freedom to live in a world that wants me. The only ambition that can inspire me to action. I can't change the world when I'm not even a part of this one, people seem less and less interested in that future by the day anyway. I can't participate, I have to leave but there's only one way out?

There has to be other options, extreme or simple but actually plausible. I'm stumped, I know my truth . No body wants to admit it but some of us grow up to turn out to be a person society fundamentally doesn't want or need.

I'd hope for a better run in the next life but I do NOT want to do this again and don't have faith in the general future.


- I know the post is a bit y and melodramatic but I am actually asking for advise. If not death what alternatives are there to live (and hopefully find fulfilment) in a society you personally can't participate in?

The only alternative I can see is to pursue a passion that helps to insulate oneself from the madness of this world. Where one is drawn to learn impelled by one's own curiosity. And to seek refuge in solitude. For me this was in music - for a brief and heady time. Art in general has a great power to do that - but it could be anything - one has to tap inside to truly find out...All of this only if one's life is still intact and if one weren't already dead. If so, then it could be one possible way.