vonvonwantpeace
Specialist
- Jul 26, 2019
- 331
No motivation, no drive, no excitement for the future. Nothing interests me, few things actually make me happy, and it's hard for me to imagine a life that's better.
k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,546
I know life has been better in the past, but I find it nearly impossible to convince myself it will ever be better again. I have no hope, and I don't believe it when I hear otherwise.
I feel numb but am in so much pain.
I have a hard time feeling my connection with the people I love, and it's almost like I'm just going through the motions... treating them the way I know I should feel while not being able to fully access those emotions. It hurts me, because I know how I really feel, and I know what's missing. And I can't fix it.
I've almost completely lost all sense of pleasure and enjoyment. I don't look forward to anything anymore. No anticipation, no excitement. No real goals. Things I used to love to do feel tedious and chore-like. Food has lost its taste. Physical sensations are very dull or I just feel nothing at all.
Except pain. That's still there, amplified. All the bad feelings, negative emotions. Basically, everything I don't want to feel, I feel entirely too much of. And there's so much guilt.
I feel numb but am in so much pain.
I have a hard time feeling my connection with the people I love, and it's almost like I'm just going through the motions... treating them the way I know I should feel while not being able to fully access those emotions. It hurts me, because I know how I really feel, and I know what's missing. And I can't fix it.
I've almost completely lost all sense of pleasure and enjoyment. I don't look forward to anything anymore. No anticipation, no excitement. No real goals. Things I used to love to do feel tedious and chore-like. Food has lost its taste. Physical sensations are very dull or I just feel nothing at all.
Except pain. That's still there, amplified. All the bad feelings, negative emotions. Basically, everything I don't want to feel, I feel entirely too much of. And there's so much guilt.
Oblivion Lover
No life, no suffering
- May 30, 2019
- 360
I don't believe that I actually have a depressive "disorder", but if you asked me instead what my depressed mood feels like, the answer would be:
1-it is a constant state of dread and bitterness that can't be healed permanently, only temporarily with extremely stimulating activities.
2-it has been haunting me ever since I was a kid and has grown in intensity as the years passed.
3-it has opened my eyes to severe issues on society and life itself, so I guess it made me wiser but with a cost that I can't bear.
4-for some reason, I don't want to cry. My depressive mood makes me more angry than sad. I can be a... Very destructive and toxic person to have around because of that.
5-The feeling of emptyness is ever present, even when I'm doing activities that I enjoy. It makes me focus on how pleasure is only temporary but pain is always constant, and when the pleasureable activity ends, I'm left feeling worse than before.
6-It feels like a part of me, and I've gotten used to it. Even if there was a "cure" for it, I wouldn't take it.
7-It is something that a strong minded person would be able to control and maybe even use it for some purpose. The problem is, I'm a very weak minded person.
8-It makes me want to spread my bitterness to people around me like an infectious disease.
9-It has changed some aspects of my personality for better, and some for the worse.
10-I have a love-hate relationship with it.
As you can see, my depressed mood is a very peculiar one, and maybe not nearly as bad as depression itself. Regardless of that, it makes me want to die.
1-it is a constant state of dread and bitterness that can't be healed permanently, only temporarily with extremely stimulating activities.
2-it has been haunting me ever since I was a kid and has grown in intensity as the years passed.
3-it has opened my eyes to severe issues on society and life itself, so I guess it made me wiser but with a cost that I can't bear.
4-for some reason, I don't want to cry. My depressive mood makes me more angry than sad. I can be a... Very destructive and toxic person to have around because of that.
5-The feeling of emptyness is ever present, even when I'm doing activities that I enjoy. It makes me focus on how pleasure is only temporary but pain is always constant, and when the pleasureable activity ends, I'm left feeling worse than before.
6-It feels like a part of me, and I've gotten used to it. Even if there was a "cure" for it, I wouldn't take it.
7-It is something that a strong minded person would be able to control and maybe even use it for some purpose. The problem is, I'm a very weak minded person.
8-It makes me want to spread my bitterness to people around me like an infectious disease.
9-It has changed some aspects of my personality for better, and some for the worse.
10-I have a love-hate relationship with it.
As you can see, my depressed mood is a very peculiar one, and maybe not nearly as bad as depression itself. Regardless of that, it makes me want to die.
MeltingHeart
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2019
- 2,151
how come you feel like you dont have a depressive "disorder" despite feeling so bad since being a kid?
sammii
I have no idea what I’m doing.
- Oct 9, 2019
- 221
I feel pretty much the same way with my depression, plus things that should be easy are really difficult and require loads of effort and I procrastinate constantly because I don't have the energy to do anything.
Oblivion Lover
No life, no suffering
- May 30, 2019
- 360
Because by my definition depression is only a disorder when the feeling of sadness has no cause at all. I, on the other hand, have had plenty of reasons to be "depressed" since I was a kid, and I still do, so being "depressed" in my case is a perfectly natural response to my miserable life and not a disorder.
No pleasure, no joy, no desire, everthing seems stupid and senseless, total apathy. Even sex doesn't interest me anymore. I feel like a robot in fact, I eat, I sleep, I watch stupid things on TV that I don't even enjoy and I repeat. The upside is that sadness tends to be less severe.
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
One day melts into the next and they are all the same. Time drags on. I go through the motions. I get up, I make my bed, I get dressed, I watch TV, I take a shower, I eat, I sleep, etc.; but all of it seems on auto pilot. I do it because there's nothing else to do. Everything, even the tiniest things that most people would take for granted, take tremendous effort. I have no energy to do anything and no desire to do anything. Nothing brings me joy. I can watch a funny TV show or a comedian and laugh, but I have no real joy in life anymore. I'm just sitting here waiting to die. That's all I want. Nothing else will bring me happiness. Nothing else will bring me the peace I crave.
SuicidalSymphonies
I think I'll take a dirt nap.
- Oct 13, 2019
- 1,028
To put it simply, a hole I can never crawl out of. There is also an invisible force dragging me down along with gravity itself. It is a dark hole lacking of oxygen. Feels like drowning, almost.
OnlyMercy
No More
- Oct 23, 2018
- 190
Sweet emotion
Enlightened
- Sep 14, 2019
- 1,325
I feel like I'm the last person on earth. I'm in terrible physical pain which has caused this depression. I feel hopeless, lonely, terrified, joyless. I don't remember what it's like to feel happy or to be out of pain. I can't remember that feeling anymore. I don't really want to see anyone. I'm angry all the time. I'm sad all the time. The days go by so fast and I'm 34 but feel like I'm 20 because that is when I got sick with the highest ranking pain condition in medical history and that is when I died inside. I feel like I'm stuck in a hole that I can't claw my way out of. I have no control. I've grown to hate people. Their smiles make me cringe. I don't want to die but I don't want to live like this forever and that is what will happen to me since there is no cure for what I have. I can't allow that to happen. Nothing no matter how amazing would make me want to stay in this life.
I feel like I'm the last person on earth. I'm in terrible physical pain which has caused this depression. I feel hopeless, lonely, terrified, joyless. I don't remember what it's like to feel happy or to be out of pain. I can't remember that feeling anymore. I don't really want to see anyone. I'm angry all the time. I'm sad all the time. The days go by so fast and I'm 34 but feel like I'm 20 because that is when I got sick with the highest ranking pain condition in medical history and that is when I died inside. I feel like I'm stuck in a hole that I can't claw my way out of. I have no control. I've grown to hate people. Their smiles make me cringe. I don't want to die but I don't want to live like this forever and that is what will happen to me since there is no cure for what I have. I can't allow that to happen. Nothing no matter how amazing would make me want to stay in this life.
I can relate to everything you've said. I just want it to be over. I can laugh when I watch a show too but that doesn't mean I'm happy. And yes just going through the motions. Each day is exactly the same as the next. There is no change...well there is but only for the worse.
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Nothingness. I should be working from home but I'm lying in bed just staring at the wall. I haven't even got it in me to get the remote control for the tv. This will be the same tomorrow, I know because it was the same yesterday. If somebody told me to go and do something I enjoy, I can't come up with anything
- Weeping and crying for hours on end. A grieving kind of weeping. Cries of pure pain with no relief in sight.
- Empty cupboards and fridge, but messy kitchen and dirty clothes.
- Intense boredom and anxiety, doing nothing, staring at the wall, crawling into the fetal position
- Not drinking enough water but succumbing to eating because it gives me the slightest bit of pleasure
- Disturbed sleep, then can't sleep, then sleep too much
- Mindlessly rotating and refreshing several social media apps on my phone just to pass the time, providing an illusory sense of connection even though I know it's making me feel worse.
- Empty cupboards and fridge, but messy kitchen and dirty clothes.
- Intense boredom and anxiety, doing nothing, staring at the wall, crawling into the fetal position
- Not drinking enough water but succumbing to eating because it gives me the slightest bit of pleasure
- Disturbed sleep, then can't sleep, then sleep too much
- Mindlessly rotating and refreshing several social media apps on my phone just to pass the time, providing an illusory sense of connection even though I know it's making me feel worse.
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Being almost completely bedridden. Inability to focus in on finer details or string together meaningful thoughts and sentences. No opinion. Total emotional detachment. Expressing expected emotions but not truly feeling them accompanied by numbness. Anxiety when repetitive negative thought patterns continue and shameful memories surface. Inability to regulate tone and pitch of voice. Complete avoidance of social contact. Looking forward to only sleeping. Inability to control impulses for eating, smoking and drinking. Not cleaning up room, taking care of hair or personal hygiene much. Its been two months, this time. My home environment causes me to fall into this pit
Well in this very moment I'm trying to psyche myself up as we speak to leave the house and go to the post office and the bank. It has to be done today and I am too anxious to step outside the door, I don't want people to see me and I'm panicking because I have to walk into town I have no lift and i don't drive 
sounds stupid I know
sounds stupid I know
marconk
Member
- Aug 31, 2019
- 39
I can't really relate when people describe depression as numbness, because even though I'm very apathetic and can't focus on anything, I can very much feel this horrible pain/angst that is very difficult to verbalize, actually the fact I can't describe it to other people makes it worse because it's just so alienating.
Also, the fact that I can't really describe what I'm feeling makes people think there is no "cause" to my depression, but to me, in my mind, the "cause" is very clear, although maybe "cause" isn't the appropriate word, it's more about the perception of reality I have - and I don't think my perception of reality is less valid than another one just because it's making me depressed.
Also, the fact that I can't really describe what I'm feeling makes people think there is no "cause" to my depression, but to me, in my mind, the "cause" is very clear, although maybe "cause" isn't the appropriate word, it's more about the perception of reality I have - and I don't think my perception of reality is less valid than another one just because it's making me depressed.
Chalken
Decaying
- Nov 20, 2018
- 214
Complete apathy, boredom, intense suicidal thoughts. Metaphorically, it feels like I'm drowning, while everybody is telling you to swim, but you don't know how. It feels like a heavy weight is attached to you whenever you try to move. Even if I manage to do things, watch or read some piece of fiction, it's all just distraction, I don't find any enjoyment in it.
Eternal Pessimist
Student
- Oct 16, 2019
- 177
Someone on Reddit once described depression as the feeling of always wanting to go home but never feeling like you are at home. I think that describes at least a part of how my depression feels. I don't feel fully at home or secure anywhere anymore and haven't for years.
I have always felt homesick for something I could never figure out, something I concluded that doesn't exist
k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,546
Supersadmommy90
Student
- Sep 24, 2019
- 186
Constant mental and emotional pain. No matter how many tears I cry there are always more, there would be no end to the tears if I didn't give up crying from exhaustion. Just a completely pleasureless existence without any warmth or emotional reward.
Haku
Walking ThePathOfSorrow, destination Denebokshiri
- Oct 12, 2019
- 270
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
I feel dull, I have glimpses of old dreams but no true will to go out and try to get them, yet all the things I hate about myself come so naturally, it's caused nothing but regret and self loathing, complete self destruction. My depression actually brings me occasional comfort in the sense I can still feel anything at all (even though those feelings are of pain, guilt and regret). Sometimes I don't know if I like it or hate it, all I know is this battle of inner turmoil is winning over me, when there's no purpose or feeling in your life it's hard to get out of bed let alone survive in modern society
It's a delusional, fucked up mess
It's a delusional, fucked up mess
Supersadmommy90
Student
- Sep 24, 2019
- 186
This is a good description.
This is also a very good description. Depression is a very physical feeling as well as being psycho-emotional. Couldn't agree more.
Dishonorable
I think there is a flaw in my code
- Oct 13, 2019
- 30
lack of motivation, numb, dull and like something is suffocating me. struggle to get out of bed (then only my ED and food drives me to), not showering or taking care of myself (at least if I don't have to go to work) and if it is really worse, lack of interests - meaning I struggle to read my books, because I can't focus. and that really says a lot, because books are my only escape. (apart from food to make me feel something)
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feel like im numb at times, where i just dont care or feel anything about anything or anyone.
and other times, it feels like i cant breath, like theres a weight on my shoulder and chest just holding me down. like im drowning in my own sorrow.
and other times, it feels like i cant breath, like theres a weight on my shoulder and chest just holding me down. like im drowning in my own sorrow.
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Pricelessadvice
Can't stay here
- Jul 30, 2019
- 24
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