What Does Your Custom Title Mean to You?

[SimplyTopHat]

"Living selfishly in suicidal apathy."

I care deeply for those I love, but like a self fulfilling prophecy, my apathy about life leads me to disappear &disappoint. When things are going well, it's almost like I'm a different person. When things are bad, I'm withdrawn, I isolate &I seldom reach out to others just to talk. (Unfortunately I feel this way a lot)

Add in Suicidal thoughts & a constant desire to talk about "real" things (I hate small talk) &that leaves me standing alone in a crowded room.

So despite the efforts I make when things are going well, I'm called selfish for asking for support when I'm down, but I'm down so often that I have little left to offer support to others.

So I guess I am selfish.

 

[Onlyborrowedtime]

I mentioned this in a post earlier today. It's paraphrasing of one of my favourite song lyrics.

People look back to their childhood as the "golden age". I always had hope thinking that I was happy as a child, I could be happy again. Then one day I got messed up smoking and drinking and had a realisation that it wasn't golden....I've been unhappy my whole life. It was a big turning point for me from being depressed and feeling suicidal to actively planning to CTB. No matter what I do, I can't unsee that realisation.

For anyone interested the song is called depression by Ren. The lyrics my title refers to are:
"I do this thing where my mind travels back to the golden age
You know those times where you were carefree
And everything was Golden? The golden age
You know those times where everything was golden?
Where you were carefree and everything was golden
The hardest thing I ever had to do
Was come to terms with the fact that...
That time never really existed"

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I mentioned this in a post earlier today. It's paraphrasing of one of my favourite song lyrics.

People look back to their childhood as the "golden age". I always had hope thinking that I was happy as a child, I could be happy again. Then one day I got messed up smoking and drinking and had a realisation that it wasn't golden....I've been unhappy my whole life. It was a big turning point for me from being depressed and feeling suicidal to actively planning to CTB. No matter what I do, I can't unsee that realisation.

Oh, wow. That must have been a hard realization to come to. I myself never really felt happy so I just kept hoping things would get better. Guess I was fooling myself. If I may ask, when did come to the realization that you were never really happy?

 

[waterbottleman]

"We are Groot <3" is basically a way of me saying to everyone in this forum, even the guests who lurk and dont participate but are struggling themselves that we're all humans who deserve compassion and love. That even if we feel alone we're all in this together. We are Groot.

My avatar of Groot giving a flower is my way of giving a flower to everyone on this forum.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

"We are Groot <3" is basically a way of me saying to everyone in this forum, even the guests who lurk and dont participate but are struggling themselves that we're all humans who deserve compassion and love. That even if we feel alone we're all in this together. We are Groot.

My avatar of Groot giving a flower is my way of giving a flower to everyone on this forum.

I absolutely love that concept, you sound like a caring person.

 

[Elias]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Onlyborrowedtime]

Oh, wow. That must have been a hard realization to come to. I myself never really felt happy so I just kept hoping things would get better. Guess I was fooling myself. If I may ask, when did come to the realization that you were never really happy?

It was pretty deviating at first. I felt like everything shattered around me. It was part one of a two pronged realisation the second being that my actions have lead me to where I am today. There is no scapegoat for my actions.

You'll have to forgive me, my memory is shot from sleeps deprivation and drug abuse. I would estimate anywhere between 6 months to about a year and a half ago. I don't really remember the moment, I remember the realisation of that makes sense?


I didn't mention in my first post, but they way you act with isolation is very similar to myself... although based on my posts I don't know if that is a comfort or not. If you can keep hoping things will get better i do strongly believe you will have a chance to make it better. When that hope goes...well...

 

[symptomatic]

Matthew 27:46 -
"And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

So, I'm not religious although I grew up in a town that very much was. I'd consider myself agnostic more than anything I think. For whatever reason this verse has just held a lot of significance to me for a while.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm glad you asked this because apparently there's been some confusion. I thought it was clear I was the messenger but maybe you need the context. Trying to help people is a risky business. You can either tell them what they want to hear or the truth. It's always meant in the best interest but some of what I got back most certainly wasn't. That's the risk you take if you actually want to help them and not just get them to like you. You hope it might be appreciated eventually and by some it has been. It's coming from a place of experience. I'm only telling them what I wish I'd been told. Would it have made any difference? I don't know, I'll never know. Don't want them having the same regrets. It also hopefully shows the difference between hate and compassion in this context. I want to die a lot of days but the hate I was getting gave me nightmares people were trying to kill me and it wasn't pleasant. All depends why they're trying to kill you. I don't want evil people being treated like they're doing anyone a favour. That's what's wrong with this world. If we lived in peace and harmony would you really want to die? Not half as much I'm sure. Finally I've never liked guns or any violence for that matter but I do want one. It's just the quickest way. Don't want time for more regrets. The whole thing is fucking painful. There's this internal conflict of going against my own principles and it's because we don't have these basic rights afforded to us at least that's what I tell myself

 

[clandestine]

"a rolling stone gathers no moss" - a proverb. There are different interpretations of it but I take it as avoiding stagnation by keeping moving. I'm still moving, trying to keep my head afloat really lol

 

[TAW122]

"Angel of Choice" (originally what I had before a few months ago) which is loosely derived from the "Angelic" rank on SS. Since I'm very pro-choice when it comes to life or death, or just about any decision and choice in life, I consider myself an emissary of pro-choice, thus angel of choice seems most appropriate.

Later I added"time is getting closer..." as it signifies that things are more serious for me and my time will be coming soon (no exact time, date, location yet) but within this year, 2020 as a massive turn of events occurred and made life really shitty along with the realization of the (very likely) shitty future to come.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Veni Vidi Velcro - I came, I saw, I got stuck... My bastardisation of the more eloquent Veni Vidi Vici (I came, I saw, I conquered)

 

[SimplyTopHat]

It was pretty deviating at first. I felt like everything shattered around me. It was part one of a two pronged realisation the second being that my actions have lead me to where I am today. There is no scapegoat for my actions.

You'll have to forgive me, my memory is shot from sleeps deprivation and drug abuse. I would estimate anywhere between 6 months to about a year and a half ago. I don't really remember the moment, I remember the realisation of that makes sense?


I didn't mention in my first post, but they way you act with isolation is very similar to myself... although based on my posts I don't know if that is a comfort or not. If you can keep hoping things will get better i do strongly believe you will have a chance to make it better. When that hope goes...well...

I myself have little hope that things will get better. They've steadily been getting worse, things outside my control... crashing down at their own will.

&yeah, I hear what you mean, sometimes I find I don't know when I am (I was told yesterday that that's a trauma response by a professional yesterday). I get flashbacks, so I tread lightly in this world, when they pop up they're so vivid &I can't always separate myself from the past, so I think I get it. Time is a blur.

Yours it sounds, like it was it's own lifetime of pain. &for that, I am sorry.

Matthew 27:46 -
"And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

So, I'm not religious although I grew up in a town that very much was. I'd consider myself agnostic more than anything I think. For whatever reason this verse has just held a lot of significance to me for a while.

I can appreciate that. You know when I was about 16 (I also grew up in a religious household), I was trying to find some meaning in religion. I even read the bible cover to cover hoping to feel something... anything. I am agnostic too, so I feel that... something just stick with you.

"Angel of Choice" (originally what I had before a few months ago) which is loosely derived from the "Angelic" rank on SS. Since I'm very pro-choice when it comes to life or death, or just about any decision and choice in life, I consider myself an emissary of pro-choice, thus angel of choice seems most appropriate.

Later I added"time is getting closer..." as it signifies that things are more serious for me and my time will be coming soon (no exact time, date, location yet) but within this year, 2020 as a massive turn of events occurred and made life really shitty along with the realization of the (very likely) shitty future to come.

I respect that. I wish more people were pro choice.

&You know, I do believe we are a like in that regard. Massive turn of events with shitty outcomes on the horizon, indeed.
How are you dealing with the outcome of the "Massive turn of events?"

 

[AlreadyGone]

"Taking it day by day" - pretty self explanatory.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Mine doesn't need an explanation :( I'm so sad

 

[luna666]

Just the things that I've been dealing with for all these years :/

 

[Marchioness]

There's a part in the myth where Psyche has to do one of Aphrodite's impossible tasks. One is to go into the underworld and ask Persephone for a box of her beauty. Psyche, I think, is the only person in the mythology to go to the underworld alive and come out again. This is before the gods give her ambrosia to drink too become a god.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

My previous title was "pain, regret, remorse, despair" some of the last words of my ex who tragically passed away..referring to his regret about what he wishes he had done better for me and our relationship.

My current title is lyrics from one of my favorite Alice in Chains songs Them Bones

 

[Broken Chimera]

My old one was waiting for the end. But now it's The abyss also gazes into you, a shortened version of Nietzsche's quote. I've been looking at it almost all my life, and now it's looking back. The abyss for me is symbolic of all the pain and emptiness I've suffered over my life. Now it's too much for me to handle.

 

[Luchs]

J

"Living selfishly in suicidal apathy."

I care deeply for those I love, but like a self fulfilling prophecy, my apathy about life leads me to disappear &disappoint. When things are going well, it's almost like I'm a different person. When things are bad, I'm withdrawn, I isolate &I seldom reach out to others just to talk. (Unfortunately I feel this way a lot)

Add in Suicidal thoughts & a constant desire to talk about "real" things (I hate small talk) &that leaves me standing alone in a crowded room.

So despite the efforts I make when things are going well, I'm called selfish for asking for support when I'm down, but I'm down so often that I have little left to offer support to others.

So I guess I am selfish.

"A.E.I.O.U."
It is an old latin phrase, used by the Habsburgs. It has multiple interpretations but I like "Austria erit in orbe ultima". Austria will be the last surviving i the world/will last until the end of the world.

I chose it because I kind of find comfort in the fact that I was part of something great and even though no one will remember me, I will have played a part in something far greater than me. In this place that my ancestors have lived for millenia and will live on K hope that I helped create a bettwr future for the next generation and that they will look back at me with pride, as I do with the people that came and died before me to give me this privileged life that I have been living.

 

[your pathologist]

My old one used to be "hi, I'm pathy, and the SI saved my life". Cuz it had every time i attempted.
Now this one is just whatever cuz ...
Like of course this would happen to me over and over so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
And it matches my avatar...

 

[SimplyTopHat]

My old one used to be "hi, I'm pathy, and the SI saved my life". Cuz it had every time i attempted.
Now this one is just whatever cuz ...
Like of course this would happen to me over and over so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
And it matches my avatar...

Oh, okay. Well I can see why you changed it. It's easier to accept when you lean into it. Well I find anyway.

My previous title was "pain, regret, remorse, despair" some of the last words of my ex who tragically passed away..referring to his regret about what he wishes he had done better for me and our relationship.

My current title is lyrics from one of my favorite Alice in Chains songs Them Bones

Sorry to hear about you ex, my condolences.
That's one of favourite songs by Alice in Chains too. Take care.

 

[NoCoast]

Mine is a quote from the book 'Less Than Zero' by Bret Easton Ellis. It's just something that has stuck w me for some reason.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

Mine is a quote from the book 'Less Than Zero' by Bret Easton Ellis. It's just something that has stuck w me for some reason.

That's interesting, in a ironic "you are here" kind of way. I dig it.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I can thank @Indieblue for mine "suicidal robot" basically means I go through periods where I feel nothing and could ctb right then and there no hesitation no survival instinct. I feel like a robot. No emotion. Just programming

I used to have "let's kill em with kindness" because the world needs more kind people and literally being killed by kindness would be a nice way to go

 

[Tasdevil]

I don't have one because I can't think of one. I really not creative with words. Kind of sad really that can't think of anything to put up. would like to put something up just don't know what.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I don't have one because I can't think of one. I really not creative with words. Kind of sad really that can't think of anything to put up. would like to put something up just don't know what.

It doesn't have to be something breathtaking or overtly philosophical, just something that has meaning to you. Here's a secret, I created this thread bc I was feeling self conscious about mine &I thought mine was dumb.

 

[Tasdevil]

It doesn't have to be something breathtaking or overtly philosophical, just something that has meaning to you. Here's a secret, I created this thread bc I was feeling self conscious about mine &I thought mine was dumb. ♥

how do you put words onto a profile?

It doesn't have to be something breathtaking or overtly philosophical, just something that has meaning to you. Here's a secret, I created this thread bc I was feeling self conscious about mine &I thought mine was dumb. ♥

how do you put words onto a profile?

 

[Lostandfound7]

Matthew 27:46 -
"And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

So, I'm not religious although I grew up in a town that very much was. I'd consider myself agnostic more than anything I think. For whatever reason this verse has just held a lot of significance to me for a while.

Love the verse cuz that's how I feel n u have one of my faves as ur pfp: My Melodyyyy!!!♡
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I'm "just waiting..." for many things...

Initially, when I wrote mine, I was waiting for death or my life to change...

Still waiting....

 

[SimplyTopHat]

how do you put words onto a profile?

When you edit your profile, it's the section that says "custom title." Write what ever you like &save.

Love the verse cuz that's how I feel n u have one of my faves as ur pfp: My Melodyyyy!!!♡
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I'm "just waiting..." for many things...

Initially, when I wrote mine, I was waiting for death or my life to change...

Still waiting....

I hope one day that whichever you're waiting for finds you well.