What does recovery mean for you?

[Foresight]

What does recovery mean for you? Are you on the fence, fully committed, choosing it until something occurs?

Recovery feels like I'm lying to myself, but it's my favorite lie apparently. I just can't pursue the future. I learned to live every day like it's my last. I spent too much time training myself that there's no hope for me. I eat, laugh, listen to music, love my pets, waste time, rinse and repeat. I'm so shortsighted mentally. Even my actual vision is declining. I never look forward and I can't look outside. I can't even look deep inside myself. I swear I'll laugh the day I finally do die if the circumstances give me the chance. Thinking about it all day every day, stuck in that life or death loop. Death might make that decision for me someday.

I feel like a ghost, but there's something in me that's bright eyed about it all. Maybe that's the survival instinct coming up? My mind has this optimistic voice saying that it ain't over til it's over and maybe something worthy will come of this, but my intuition says that nothing will. Such a dumb combo.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Feel this brother. I've talked about this before, where 'recovery' seems to be a default setting when I'm not seeking to ctb.
For me I still feel like ****. Sad, empty, hopeless.
For me recovery is night time, standing on the shores of despair looking across a vast black sea, with its water lapping at my toes.
Unlike when I want to ctb I'm not one foot in, or when I've tried to ctb wading in to that water.
It is dark all around, I can't turn away or step back, all I can do is NOT step forward.
The sun does not rise and shine on me, words like: hope, better and future feel like vessels at the bottom this sea.
It's like a type of emotional paralysis I guess, I've said this many times before: I'm tired of living but scared of dying.

Depressing but truthful, my 2c for what it's worth.

I hope our tales of recovery help us have the courage and wisdom to find that light and peace.

Love and respect friend

DBD

 

[Mixo]

For me, I'm fighting both my body and my mind.

So right now, recovery for me means trying to do what may be impossible - fix my shit body. For me, it means feeling ill infrequently, and having the wherewithal and strength to be able to function throughout my day without taking breaks and lying in bed so much. For me, it also means overcoming the negativity and gaslighting. It means trusting in my own vision for recovery and the methods I use to attain it. It means having victory and being independent from a medical system that has totally failed me. It also means being able to have a second shot at life so I can be a functional working person again. I am sure I will not be a very marketable employee if/when I recover, but I'll kick that can down the road for now. And lastly, if I can recover, I hope that mentally I can forgive all the people who abandoned me. That one will probably take much longer.

 

[Remember-Me-Not]

For me, recovery means that one day I will be able to face hardships in life and not want to immediately ctb.

 

[samsaragothands]

it's crazy how relatable this is. for me this phase sometimes feels like it's not even recovery, just temporary respite from the negative feelings that come from suicidal ideation. nothing really comes of the optimism when it comes, which sends me back down the spiral eventually.

 

[Sherri]

Recover for me, unfortunately is relying on medication to make me be able to function and work. Make life a bit more bearable. There are meh days still, slight happy days, and some clouded days. Medication can do so much, but overall I am much better mentally and physically than when I joined this forum. I still have my sn and all that goes with it just in case. But haven't been suicidal in quite a while. I take baby steps day by day, guess that's going to be my life . But yes, recovery is possible, but we must also ensure we do our best to recover. Good luck and a big hug.

 

[DoodleBug]

For me its getting fully acquainted with what you are dealing with and try to remain as focused as you can in assessing the struggle and your weaknesses. Its facing your fears as a matter of routine, actually taking chances and taking care of yourself. Eventually it becomes a little bit easier to handle things and deal with the past, even though it never just simply goes away.

Depression doesnt go away just like that and it requires immense strength and commitment to keep all those crippling feelings in check. The sense that everything might fall due to one bad day is always there for people like us. The process takes a lot of time and many die forgotten after continuous returns to their old ways.

 

[Slocum]

This is my first post! Hi SS peeps!

I have handed off my objects of self harm (hoarded lithium and SN) to a friend for a year, and I am spending 2022 working on building a life worth living. That's what recovery looks like for me. I can't project farther than a year because it's far too overwhelming. I don't know what I am doing or how to do it. I'm bumbling through, trying to manage my mood disorder and trying to figure out how to soothe the constant misery in my mind. Maybe it will work? I'm glad y'all are here. <3

 

[whatevs]

Recovery to me would mean to stop hating/fearing life itself, humanity and myself. That's a lot of loathing and hatred to get over with.

 

[Victini]

Accepting life as it is.

 

[neverend]

Living a fulfilling life.

 

[Death_of_a_Phynixx]

Rising above my self-imposed and blasphemous thoughts about myself and my life! Retrieving my personal authority back into my own hands and out of the possession of beings in this world/realm who wish to witness my self-defeat! My acceptance of the infinite love and genuine support that has always been within me! Subduing and relinquishing my fears, and marching into my life's purpose with a tremendous passion! Willingly quieting my noisy and racing mind, in exchange for peace and comfort within my many mental interiors! Embracing my intense emotions, all of them, but also remembering to channel these intense emotions into my life's work! Relighting the fire within myself to persist with the cause and effect of why I have incarnated here in the first place! Loving my TRUE/REAL self more, to the extremes of personal ego-death! Becoming the Fire Bird once again, for my transformation is complete, and my new beginning imminent! Lovingly helping others to recover from their emotional agony, because I have been there and felt that for decades, and I ultimately can relate! All of these great changes within my life is what NATURAL recovery means for me! Thank You for listening!