Discussion what does it mean to actually enjoy life?

[lamargue]

honestly, the self-help gurus that i've seen who evince the idea that "life is wonderful" have usually been specialists, and as such associate and work within fields that they are more often than not passionate about (fachidiots). but, as someone who doesn't fit this bill, i have seen my fair share of individuals not content with their occupations, but merely satisfied in other aspects of their life, which they conflate with overall contentment; and sure, that reveals some complications in the nature of self-report, and their happiness isn't trumped by specialists who, with all else equal, differ only in their passion, but i wonder if any declarative form of happiness simply exists to cope with not meeting their expectations, which we are forcibly subject to as individuals within society.

because it seems to me far more common for an individual to be content in his relationship, despite working a job that he dislikes. my parents were met with misfortune early in their marriage, so they essentially had to scrounge up enough to live and work their way back up from scratch. now my dad works 7 days a week in order to save up for retirement. if i asked them, i'm sure they would consider themselves privileged when compared to others. but can satisfaction in one area negate dissatisfaction in others? is that a 'good' life, or just a life in which one has to scrounge on morsels of pleasure in order to survive? no doubt, my dad, as subject to the bourgeois rat race, would claim that he's lucky only so that, in comparing himself to others, he can take pride in what he's built for himself. i find this to be honourable, but i am still always a little saddened when i think about it. we can't escape socially inherited definitions of happiness. is society really so selective in who can live a good life? are those who are average or below simply cast aside?

 

[disgustingman70]

If you find out.....let me know

 

[KillingPain267]

I forgot

 

[derpyderpins]

One disadvantage a "good life" has is that it will never be all good, or all wonderful, but it is definitely possible to have your life be all bad. Especially if you've given up on there being good. 'Why feel good at all in a completely cruel and unfair world with no redeeming qualities?' If you accept that you can feel bad/down/bored/angry all day every day.

I think the guru types have some good, and see poetic beauty in the bad.

 

[EmptyEater]

It means being ok with what you have. No life is ever just rainbows and kittens, there will be shitty parts but overall you're comfortable where you are.

 

[carac]

I duno if this video helps but it randomly popped up in my feed, I don't usually watch stuff like this but I think he makes some good point's

Spoiler: spoiler

Basically if you don't want to watch the video he says enjoying life is all about enjoying the journey and not thinking you wil be happy when you achieve certain things that you believe will make you happy

 

[Praying 4 a Miracle]

I think it helps a lot to enjoy life, if you can fairly regularly get excited about some things. Excitement (about anything), eats stress and anxiety for breakfast.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I would have described my God parents as people who loved life. They didn't have it entirely easy by any means. Family feuds, ill health, bereavements still occurred. But, they were very good at appeciating what they had. I suppose they'd also worked out what they wanted. They opted not to have children which gave them more time and money to spend socialising with friends. They were very social people.

More importantly, they were good at enjoying things in the moment. I think that's a big key to feeling content. To be able to relax enough to actually enjoy the present. That can be extremely difficult to do if there are very big problems in life that threaten the future- eg. financial, health or relationship instability.

I suppose it depends on what we place value on but I've noticed that the happiest people I know tend to have very strong relationships in their lives. I don't know if it's only the relationships themselves making them seem more content. I think when we are social, we can sometimes feel pressure to keep ourselves together for the sake of those around us. Being alone, we maybe get more chance to wallow in misery and not feel guilty that it's bothering other people.

 

[avoid]

Maybe I'm reductive but to actually enjoy life is to want to continue living your life.

Though there's a possibility that wanting to continue living your life is due to a hope that you'll actually enjoy life at some point in the future. So in the end, I don't know.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm sure the answer lies in some ridiculous cope of "just lower your expectations to nothing and that way nothing can disappoint you".

 

[killorbekilled]

If you have no bar than reality can't go under it I guess.

 

[Ironborn]

The things I did enjoy I no longer find any joy in. Films, music, games, exercise, reading.
If I do indulge in any of my old hobbies it merely acts as a distraction from my ever darkening mental state, I don't find anything fun anymore, just diverting my attention away from my suicidal thoughts for maybe an hour or so, as soon as I stop the thoughts come back almost instantly.
I burnt myself out at work because of this, I was afraid if I stopped I would never be able to start again.
It just ended in my life completely falling apart but I was finally able to realise I no longer want to be here.

 

[EmptyEater]

I'm sure the answer lies in some ridiculous cope of "just lower your expectations to nothing and that way nothing can disappoint you".

How is it a cope to manage your expectations?

 

[lamargue]

How is it a cope to manage your expectations?

you aren't generating preferred outcomes, so you cope by lowering your expectations so as to never be dissatisfied with your own circumstances. minimizing suffering without providing anything constructive to overcome the root issue is, by definition, a cope

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

How is it a cope to manage your expectations?

you aren't generating preferred outcomes, so you cope by lowering your expectations so as to never be dissatisfied with your own circumstances. minimizing suffering without providing anything constructive to overcome the root issue is, by definition, a cope

Basically what @lamargue said. Although just because something is a form of cope doesn't mean it has to be a bad thing either.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I'm trying to find that out myself.
I totally agree that the route of "if I achieve X thing I will be happy" is the wrong course of action as I've been doing that all my life with success and didn't solve my issue of feeling sad and empty.

I think having strong relationships is the key. If something goes horribly wrong in life, having good friends, family to turn to can make an otherwise traumatic event into something more manageable.
It also enriches your life with better experiences. Things feel happier and more exciting when you're doing them with someone else. If you talk with older people, they always speak about events that happened with other people. All my years helping the elderly I don't recall a time when an elder was talking about good experiences that they were doing alone.

There's a lot of resilience and appreciation for life that comes from having strong relationships, because those relationships enrich someone's life and provide more opportunities for good experiences. It's a good cycle.

If you're not fortunate enough to have these relationships, then life can feel hard and sad. You're dealing with the weight of the world alone. Humans are social creatures, they need to feel cared for, they need community. Several animals are like that as well. Have just 1 rat and that animal will develop depression. Rats need a community, to be groomed by others, to be intellectually stimulated, to form bonds.

Other animals are wired in an opposite way - hamsters are solitary creatures, they don't thrive living in pairs or groups. Because of this lack of social necessity, they obtain enrichment from running, digging in different substrates, tasting different kinds of food (nuts, insects, vegetables, fruits), gnawing at things, making tunnels, etc.

If a hamster doesn't have an environment that let's them do the activities that give them enjoyment, they will become depressed.

I have actually seen this first hand when I adopted a hamster that had spent the 5 months of her life living in a bare bones cage. She was overweight, uninterested in food or anything else. She specifically detested carrots as she was fed just carrots and pellets. I could see she was traumatised.
When I put her in a better environment, she very slowly started appreciating life. It took quite some time but she recovered.

All of this rambling to say: I think relationships are the key and humans are not the only species that need them.

 

[EmptyEater]

you aren't generating preferred outcomes, so you cope by lowering your expectations so as to never be dissatisfied with your own circumstances. minimizing suffering without providing anything constructive to overcome the root issue is, by definition, a cope

The root issue is dissatisfaction with one's life. A cope wouldn't do anything to said dissatisfaction, it would just make it easier to bear.
If changing your expectations actually reduces or negates dissatisfaction it's a solution, not a cope.

 

[lamargue]

The root issue is dissatisfaction with one's life. A cope wouldn't do anything to said dissatisfaction, it would just make it easier to bear.
If changing your expectations actually reduces or negates dissatisfaction it's a solution, not a cope.

the root issue causes dissatisfaction in ones life, so it isn't the root issue proper. it doesn't necessarily solve the issue since it still doesn't generate a preferred outcome, so it still qualifies as a cope. if someone who is chronically alone lowers their expectations in order to minimize suffering and is still unable to find a partner, they are coping since the outcome is equivalent to an individual still fretting over being chronically alone. some people don't have solutions, so copes aren't always a bad thing