Discussion What does it feel like when you know that it’s time?

[broth0100]

I've alternated between passive and active suicidality since i was a young teenager but i've never attempted. What does it feel like to know for sure that you're ready to try?
I wanna go so bad but then i get scared. I just wanna be ok w it, im so tired of the merry go round. I want peace. And i want it to be by my own hand. I wanna be able to make the decision. What does it feel like to be ready?

 

[tobeornot]

I'm not there yet so I'm not sure!

 

[mrbluesky]

for me? just giving up. nothing matters anymore - I can't feel real joy or love. I don't like things anymore, I simply cannot care for even my family. it may sound harsh, but it just is, I can't control it. I'm just living passively right now, doing things because I must, not because I want. It almost feels like I'm already dead sometimes, no emotions, no feelings. For me, this means I'm finally ready, cause there's nothing that holds me anymore in this world

 

[mark404]

for me? just giving up. nothing matters anymore - I can't feel real joy or love. I don't like things anymore, I simply cannot care for even my family. it may sound harsh, but it just is, I can't control it. I'm just living passively right now, doing things because I must, not because I want. It almost feels like I'm already dead sometimes, no emotions, no feelings. For me, this means I'm finally ready, cause there's nothing that holds me anymore in this world

Man I wish I could attain this state of being. I feel like dying would be so much easier. I'm tired of living but am having trouble letting go of the things that still tie me down to living.

 

[broth0100]

Man I wish I could attain this state of being. I feel like dying would be so much easier. I'm tired of living but am having trouble letting go of the things that still tie me down to living.

this is how ive been feeling too. its rlly annoying

 

[mrbluesky]

Man I wish I could attain this state of being. I feel like dying would be so much easier. I'm tired of living but am having trouble letting go of the things that still tie me down to living.

yeah, I think it's the point of no return. For the past years, I've always had at least something to hold me here, but not anymore. I don't know if it's possible to go back and start caring about things again once you've given up for good, and it's not something you can choose either. I mean, I didn't just woke up and said "now I don't care anymore!", it was gradual and slow. Day after day things lost a little bit of meaning, till nothing made sense anymore. I don't even reply to my friends anymore, I just don't care. It's a bit sad if you think about it, I just became a man who has nothing else to lose beyond his own life

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Agree with @mrbluesky. For me another sign that I was ready to go was when I stopped being nostalgic for better periods of my life, because it meant that there was no life that I wanted to live anymore, real or hypothetical. If I had the option, I wouldn't go back to the best times of my life, because I am simply done with existence and don't feel the need to experience any more, whether good or bad.

 

[broth0100]

Agree with @mrbluesky. For me another sign that I was ready to go was when I stopped being nostalgic for better periods of my life, because it meant that there was no life that I wanted to live anymore, real or hypothetical. If I had the option, I wouldn't go back to the best times of my life, because I am simply done with existence and don't feel the need to experience any more, whether good or bad.

huh i'd never thought of nostalgia as a form of imagining better futures before but tht makes a lot of sense...thank u for ur response <3

 

[Ihoujin]

I believe in past lives. I feel at certain moments of my life that I used to experience that. I feel that specific events from past and current life overlap, that a situation is mirroring what happened in my past life more or less. Events, people, enemies and friends reveal themselves and disappear in a calculated order. A lot of deja vu. I'm just a spectator of a movie which I call 'my life'.

It explains why I did some things in a specific, intuitive way and they turned out this specific way. I just repeat them automatically like I did before. These are deep ingrained patterns of behavior, habits and we, our minds prefer to stick with what is known becouse it is effortless.

The wheel turns and we can either improve some aspects of our lives or worsen them.

I could assume that it is just delusion of my mind or imagination but I investigated. Astrology precisely describes what is going on.

I CTB in my past life and this situation repeats itself until it gets resolved. It has sweet, ephemeral dreamlike quality. That's how I would describe the feeling.

 

[akwa]

At this point, I no longer care about method. I have access to a gun and I just want out. I'd like to have a peaceful death, but I can't wait around for SN anymore. I'm over it, and I need it all to end. I don't like it, but living and what my future looks like is so much worse. That's how I know I'm ready.

 

[item]

You will be dead if you've been sure

 

[sunflower_sunset]

before my first OD (clearly unsuccessful) i barely remember anything. i think i had gotten so used to just functioning without actually caring that i was running on autopilot for about a month.

on the actual day, i think i had a bad situation happen and it wasn't the situation that tipped me over, but actually my lack of care about something that should have really sent me over the edge. i just figured if i've gotten this far down then the only next step was to ctb.

 

[chobonzi]

My person al experience, its not even when you're so depressed or sad or whatever that i want to die. Its when things are "normal" mostly. Or when i go numb.
My person al experience, its not even when you're so depressed or sad or whatever that i want to die. Its when things are "normal" mostly. Or when i go numb.

 

[sometimesoon]

I've alternated between passive and active suicidality since i was a young teenager but i've never attempted. What does it feel like to know for sure that you're ready to try?
I wanna go so bad but then i get scared. I just wanna be ok w it, im so tired of the merry go round. I want peace. And i want it to be by my own hand. I wanna be able to make the decision. What does it feel like to be ready?

I know this is not a clear answer, but you just wake up one morning and say its time. It may be still years before you do it, but you just know it will happen

At least that is the way it is for me

 

[opheliaoveragain]

yeah, I think it's the point of no return. For the past years, I've always had at least something to hold me here, but not anymore. I don't know if it's possible to go back and start caring about things again once you've given up for good, and it's not something you can choose either. I mean, I didn't just woke up and said "now I don't care anymore!", it was gradual and slow. Day after day things lost a little bit of meaning, till nothing made sense anymore. I don't even reply to my friends anymore, I just don't care. It's a bit sad if you think about it, I just became a man who has nothing else to lose beyond his own life

I def relate to this, I don't often see a way back when everything loses meaning, happiness is a pipe dream.

 

[sugarb]

I've alternated between passive and active suicidality since i was a young teenager but i've never attempted. What does it feel like to know for sure that you're ready to try?
I wanna go so bad but then i get scared. I just wanna be ok w it, im so tired of the merry go round. I want peace. And i want it to be by my own hand. I wanna be able to make the decision. What does it feel like to be ready?

I don't have my method yet (probably won't for a bit unfortunately), but I've been ready to pull the trigger on many occasions.

One night, I got up and went outside, walking to a bridge over a pond. The wind was blowing. I listened to my favorite music, and as time passed, I started feeling peaceful and wonderfully in tune with myself and the world. Like a climax in my story, or something. If I'd had a gun that night I wouldn't be here.

 

[BlockHammer]

Well, i never experience the feeling of ready to ctb but i do believe in planning though. Giving up is easy but i believe it'll make me suffer more , i don't want to be a doomer that everybody hates and i don't want to see myself in that way im more of a subjective person.

What i believe right now is that if my life hasn't improved then wheater i like it or not, i have to end my life so at least my parents doesn't have to think about me again