Discussion What do you think of my method?

[gardenhouse]

I actually never thought that i would come to this point in my life where i would wanna take my own life, i was living my life to the fullest until one incident happened that gave me this non stop ringing in my head 24hrs no stop nearly a year ago, So, i've been reading a lot of overdose deaths of celebs, 3 components of prescriptions drugs that become lethal is benzo, sleeping pills aid, and opioids. My plan is 13 months from now :(, i wish i could cbt now but i still have mortgage with my partner and life insurance will not cover if the cause of death is suicide less than 13 months after the start date of the coverage in nz.

I've googled how many celebs died from drug combination of those 3. Some even just fentanyl and benzo, or
I wish i would just die in my sleep but our body is too resilient. Benzo on itself is not lethal, benzo and sleeping pills combined also not lethal but benzo, sleeping pills and opioids and especially added with alcohol becomes lethal

1. Oxycodone, 10 mg oxycodone d 10 pills (opioid)

2. Lorazepam 2mg - (benzo) (i've been taking this daily to sleep because otherwise my brain doesn't shut down from the constant ringing) but i never increase my dose, so probably for this i need to take X10 pills

3. Diazepam 5mg x10 pills (benzo)

4. Doxylamine succinate (sleeping aid) - otc 25mg , probably i'll take 10 pills too

5. Xanax 3mg x 10 pills (benzo)

It would be perfect if i could find hydrocodone but i can't find it on the dw.

I'm just done with this constant everyday torment and medical technology is so advanced these days but can't find a cure to stop this damn debilitating ringing.

I'm having a crisis of faith (Christian) and questioning if God even exists? I never hurt people and this is His Gift for me?

And karma, i donate money for charity, help people with sincerity, and this is what i get.

 

[DoomsdayCTB]

What if you accidentally choked on something, a mint or something, while driving? As early in the morning as possible. Single-car accident? Undo your seatbelt to try to stop the choking, speed straight into a building or off a cliff/overpass? Thinking of that girl who killed her friends. Idk just trying to help if you'd rather do it now.

I'm having a crisis of faith as well. Things just seem random. There is no story. Shit happens. Nothing happens if you CTB. Nothing happens while living. It's just free will bouncing off of other's free will. It means nothing.

 

[gardenhouse]

What if you accidentally choked on something, a mint or something, while driving? As early in the morning as possible. Single-car accident? Undo your seatbelt to try to stop the choking, speed straight into a building or off a cliff/overpass? Thinking of that girl who killed her friends. Idk just trying to help if you'd rather do it now.

I'm having a crisis of faith as well. Things just seem random. There is no story. Shit happens. Nothing happens if you CTB. Nothing happens while living. It's just free will bouncing off of other's free will. It means nothing.

I actually would mind an accident, i wish it happened everyday when i was driving home from work, i wish a truck would crash into my car or flip on top of my car and i would die instantly, i just don't want fiery crash or get burned alive, that's the most horrific death.

How do you make yourself choke? Sorry i never happened to me haha?

i can't make it look like an intentional accident / suicide otherwise life insurance would not pay claims for my partner as i'm still in the stand down period until next June. I cancelled my life insurance because i thought i was living a healthy life, i wouldn't die young, i was happy, life is full of shit , never thought in a million times i would want to kill myself.

If i wasn't thinking of how my partner would be burdened by the house mortgage that we have, if i died. i would overdose myself asap.

What is your faith?