T
Thatdude
Life is temporary, death is permanent
- Sep 26, 2019
- 472
So currently, I think I would classify as a NEET "Not in Education, Employment, or Training" at about age of 30 and half. If it wasn't for my parents, I would be on the street. I have a number of degrees, try a number of things, and so on. Without getting too deep into it, I'm autistic and I found this severely limits me in what I can do. The military was my backup plan, but it turns out even that you can't join if you're autistic. I'm currently trying to do things like YouTube videos, sell things on Etsy, license products to companies, and so on. But at the end of the day, I've been through so much shit throughout my life that I want to retire (and I know how this sounds).
I already have a plan on if my life doesn't get better by 2022. Then I will off myself. And then to top it off, my parents have insured me a few times that I will have enough money to live the rest of my life living a normal quiet life after they die. We are also looking at a farm to get, and that away we can use that as passive income as we contract multiyear crops. And that I can be a farm manager at worse.
I honestly hate the idea of them dying, and I think I would immediately off myself if they died. And I hate the feeling of being dependent on them. But assuming they are correct, I can mostly just ride it and have a somewhat good life in theory.
And even today, I gotten off the phone with someone who loved one of my product ideas, and it looks like we might be working towards a contract soon.
But even with all of that, as soon as the TV goes off, I am not playing any video game, I'm not talking with someone, and I'm sitting here 2am. My anxiety shoots through the roof. I have to constantly remind myself that things will be OK, and that is part of what I'm doing by writing this. But I'm getting sick of it. Like as I write this, I feel as I might throw up due to the worry that if I don't do something I will be on the street. That if I don't do something, my life can't improve. Like one of the stupid things I've contemplated is that I should try to go into politics. Not because I think I have good ideas or I can help. But because during your time in congress you get a 6 figure salary, and 5 years into it you are eligible for partial retirement.
I find myself during these times just wishing I was dead, and just tired of it.
I believe the bulk of the reason why I'm like this is nearly all my life has been a go go go go. And due to my autism and other learning disabilities just meeting the minimum norm is climbing a mountain for me. Like the last degree which I was finishing up last year about this time I almost failed multiple on multiple times, and I know 100% I was completely burnt out. But I had no choice in getting it done due to my pell grant was running out. And that since then my drunk sister moved in with her 2 and 5 year old, and they are a handful since the mom doesn't want to take care of them at all. And then I feel I HAVE TO help out my parents in anything they ask at the moment they ask because I feel I could get kicked out. Even if it isn't the case, I am living under their roof, eating their food, under their insurance, and so on for free on my end. And some of these task can go from taking care of bees, repairing a car, and so on.
Like I'm sure that is a major cause, but I'm also sure I'm the biggest problem since I could look at things in a different way. But it's very very hard to do so. And I know I'm not doing everything I can because I am going out of my way to not apply to jobs, to avoid talking about jobs with family, I wish that even deals like I had today will flop, and so on. And I know some of the problem is me not wanting or accepting change. But at the same time I don't want to force myself. So I 100% know the problem at the end is my fault to a large degree.
Is anyone else like this? If so, what do you do to stop this feeling outside of the use of medication or drugs?
I already have a plan on if my life doesn't get better by 2022. Then I will off myself. And then to top it off, my parents have insured me a few times that I will have enough money to live the rest of my life living a normal quiet life after they die. We are also looking at a farm to get, and that away we can use that as passive income as we contract multiyear crops. And that I can be a farm manager at worse.
I honestly hate the idea of them dying, and I think I would immediately off myself if they died. And I hate the feeling of being dependent on them. But assuming they are correct, I can mostly just ride it and have a somewhat good life in theory.
And even today, I gotten off the phone with someone who loved one of my product ideas, and it looks like we might be working towards a contract soon.
But even with all of that, as soon as the TV goes off, I am not playing any video game, I'm not talking with someone, and I'm sitting here 2am. My anxiety shoots through the roof. I have to constantly remind myself that things will be OK, and that is part of what I'm doing by writing this. But I'm getting sick of it. Like as I write this, I feel as I might throw up due to the worry that if I don't do something I will be on the street. That if I don't do something, my life can't improve. Like one of the stupid things I've contemplated is that I should try to go into politics. Not because I think I have good ideas or I can help. But because during your time in congress you get a 6 figure salary, and 5 years into it you are eligible for partial retirement.
I find myself during these times just wishing I was dead, and just tired of it.
I believe the bulk of the reason why I'm like this is nearly all my life has been a go go go go. And due to my autism and other learning disabilities just meeting the minimum norm is climbing a mountain for me. Like the last degree which I was finishing up last year about this time I almost failed multiple on multiple times, and I know 100% I was completely burnt out. But I had no choice in getting it done due to my pell grant was running out. And that since then my drunk sister moved in with her 2 and 5 year old, and they are a handful since the mom doesn't want to take care of them at all. And then I feel I HAVE TO help out my parents in anything they ask at the moment they ask because I feel I could get kicked out. Even if it isn't the case, I am living under their roof, eating their food, under their insurance, and so on for free on my end. And some of these task can go from taking care of bees, repairing a car, and so on.
Like I'm sure that is a major cause, but I'm also sure I'm the biggest problem since I could look at things in a different way. But it's very very hard to do so. And I know I'm not doing everything I can because I am going out of my way to not apply to jobs, to avoid talking about jobs with family, I wish that even deals like I had today will flop, and so on. And I know some of the problem is me not wanting or accepting change. But at the same time I don't want to force myself. So I 100% know the problem at the end is my fault to a large degree.
Is anyone else like this? If so, what do you do to stop this feeling outside of the use of medication or drugs?
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