what do you do when you can't ctb yet but you feel trapped and full of despair?

[charlavail]

I gave myself 2026 to see if this feeling would go away after being so present since I was young but getting worse over the last couple of years and after therapy and meds nothing has helped. Plus it would give me time to think about methods, and setting my affairs in order. But every day I feel so trapped. It's like I'm stuck in this body and I can't escape it. Every day I wake up is horrible, I'm just walking like a numb dead person doing my tasks and sleeping most of it away because being awake hurts too bad after a while. I get anxiety going outside. I just can't do anything but waste away it feels like. What am I supposed to do? Does anyone else feel like this? What do you do?

 

[hurts2b]

Feel the same way fucking constantly for the past (nearly) 2 years. Minus the anxiety. I distract myself. Drink a lot, which helps, right up until the moment you can't get drunk anymore.

I miss having a job, a routine, an animal companion, and a yard that I could hang out in without 24 hour camera surveillance. I didn't feel so trapped when I had those things.

In my current situation I find exercise (pacing) can sometimes stave off the feeling. Journaling, if that's your thing. Keeping whatever space you have clean. I hear having friends helps too but I wouldn't actually know.

What helps any given person is going to be highly individual.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I get stuck in a cycle of rumination. I cease chasing my interests and goals because I think that my life will end soon, but for months or even years I still exist, and then realize that suicide might not happen; so I think about focusing on my goals again and giving life another chance, but by this stage it is too late, because I spent time waiting for a plan of suicide that never played out as expected.

Here I am again. What am I doing or thinking at this time? Trapped in a torturous limbo.

 

[DanLip22]

I get stuck in a cycle of rumination. I cease chasing my interests and goals because I think that my life will end soon, but for months or even years I still exist, and then realize that suicide might not happen; so I think about focusing on my goals again and giving life another chance, but by this stage it is too late, because I spent time waiting for a plan of suicide that never played out as expected.

Here I am again. What am I doing or thinking at this time? Trapped in a torturous limbo.

My situation is identical to yours! I could have written this exactly as you did. I hope you find peace soon, whatever way that may be

 

[BrokenByTheSystem]

Pretend you're a leaf being moved by the wind. Just stay still, let the wind decide what will happen next. You're a leaf you don't care.