What did you want to do before the urge to CTB became unbearable?

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I wanted to get married and finish my Neuroscience degree. In the past before I got chronic pain, I had dreams of being a researcher. Got accepted into an Ivy League school and didn't go because I'm too ill to handle the pressures. I still think about it everyday. What could have been. Now I am struggling to keep up in university because there really is no help for disabled people. The only dream I have is CTB peacefully now.

 

[Pookie]

I also think about what could've been. First and foremost I wanted to finish my degree. But chronic pain, chronic malaise, digestive issues and a sleep disorder ruined that. I can't concentrate for long periods, struggle with fatigue constantly. I wanted to have children. I wanted to travel more. I don't necessarily want to die, I just want to escape the pain. Now all I can think about is ending it all.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I also think about what could've been. First and foremost I wanted to finish my degree. But chronic pain, chronic malaise, digestive issues and a sleep disorder ruined that. I can't concentrate for long periods, struggle with fatigue constantly. I wanted to have children. I wanted to travel more. I don't necessarily want to die, I just want to escape the pain. Now all I can think about is ending it all.

I am so sorry Pookie, our situations appear almost identical. I have chronic fatigue, pain, and digestive issues as well. Seems these illnesses go hand in hand. It is so hard to just have one, let alone multiple. I know exactly how you feel. If relief existed, I wouldn't choose death.

 

[Pookie]

If relief existed, I wouldn't choose death.

Exactly that.

 

[deathistheaesthetic]

I had money saved up for a visit to Japan but now that I have chronic pain I just want to buy a shotgun

 

[Pookie]

I had money saved up for a visit to Japan but now that I have chronic pain I just want to buy a shotgun

How long have you been dealing with chronic pain and have you found anything that helps your pain?

 

[succor]

Before I got sick I wanted to pursue illustration and making comic books. I wanted to get married. I wanted to travel more and go to my mom's home country. I loved working in theme park hospitality and going on adventures with my friends.

Now I'm homebound, most recently essentially bedbound, I haven't been able to work for over a year now after barely scraping by in the workforce due to my illnesses, I can't travel, I can't concentrate, drawing makes mymuscles spasm and causes migraines, I can't stay awake for longer than 3-4 hours at a time before having to nap, etc. I can't eat right, I can't sleep right, I'm in constant pain, my parents and partner are having to financially support me, and I can't get married because I'm fighting with the government over social security benefits and if I'm married I'm disqualified.The medication I'm on is further tearing my body apart and changing the way I look, so I'm getting uglier as time passes. I'm losing everything.

I'm tired of swimming upstream surrounded by the echoes of all of the dreams I once had.

 

[Pookie]

So sorry. What illness do you have if I may ask?

 

[Ghost2211]

All I really wanted out of life is to be a wife and mother, and that's all I wanted from early childhood. It's interesting that meeting the person that would end up being my partner of over a decade would be my complete undoing.

 

[Mer]

I wanted to make my own webtoon/comic.

But my depression kicked into high gear when my chronic pain from my TMJ disorder came, and I just never physically or mentally recovered enough from it. I can't even draw anymore without being in pain, and I'm constantly tired. I'm also financially dependent on my parents as a 30 year old, and I am unable to get a typical job. I'm such a burden to everyone around me.

 

[wasteoftimeletssleep]

I never wanted to do anything. Never in my life have I truly felt my purpose here on this earth.