chocolatebar
Paragon
- Jul 11, 2021
- 975
My life wasn't really different from someone who has been in a coma for the last 13 years. It wasn't eventful since the beginning, but then it got worse, like some sort of conscious coma, in which I could see and hear everything and feel the world spinning around and around, while I was stuck in place.
I aged ( don't make me say the cursed number, please). Aging itself is terrible, but it's not just about time passing. It's about not doing anything with it. Things are irreversible, as in a matter of entropy, and I will never be able to do certain things, because they need to be experienced at a certain age. As a rough example, imagine dreaming of having a friend and to play with him on the ground, scattering toys all around. If you're not a kid, you can't do that anymore. Even if you sit on the ground to play with a kid, it's a totally different experience. I won't detail all the experiences I've misses, because you probably have several ideas, since I missed all of them.
Ever since I woke up from the coma, I've been trying to do some things, but it's not the same...
The people my age moved on and have different expectations for life. No one cares if I missed things or not, it's my problem. No one will help me, because I supposedly know how to do things and also because I'm... to old. This is something that hurts me a lot. I've never seen people talk to much about age before. All problems and behaviors are being attributed to some sort of generation and we're losing our identities.
Now, back to me. What can be done about me? I'm an anomaly. I can't live anymore the experiences I want to and I'm not enjoying being someone older trying to to juvenile things. I also don't want to give up and become a senior.
There's no logical path to me. It's like a broken glass. I can't do anything with the fragments, it's all lost forever.
Sorry if my words don't make sense or form a sequence. It was the best I could do in this moment.
I aged ( don't make me say the cursed number, please). Aging itself is terrible, but it's not just about time passing. It's about not doing anything with it. Things are irreversible, as in a matter of entropy, and I will never be able to do certain things, because they need to be experienced at a certain age. As a rough example, imagine dreaming of having a friend and to play with him on the ground, scattering toys all around. If you're not a kid, you can't do that anymore. Even if you sit on the ground to play with a kid, it's a totally different experience. I won't detail all the experiences I've misses, because you probably have several ideas, since I missed all of them.
Ever since I woke up from the coma, I've been trying to do some things, but it's not the same...
The people my age moved on and have different expectations for life. No one cares if I missed things or not, it's my problem. No one will help me, because I supposedly know how to do things and also because I'm... to old. This is something that hurts me a lot. I've never seen people talk to much about age before. All problems and behaviors are being attributed to some sort of generation and we're losing our identities.
Now, back to me. What can be done about me? I'm an anomaly. I can't live anymore the experiences I want to and I'm not enjoying being someone older trying to to juvenile things. I also don't want to give up and become a senior.
There's no logical path to me. It's like a broken glass. I can't do anything with the fragments, it's all lost forever.
Sorry if my words don't make sense or form a sequence. It was the best I could do in this moment.