What can I do?

[mentalhealthfighter]

I live with my mom. I have severe depression and am really just an all around failure. I want to end my life without any pain. But if I buy anything my mom is going to find out. Also if I suicide my mom is going to be really upset. I dont know what to do guys, any help? I'm so so tired of existing and pain please i want it to stop

 

[Rayzieka]

For the sake of your mother who you seem to care for perhaps you should find a way out if you want to go peacefully with a product that can be delivered. It might hurt others less if they aren't the ones who find you. I understand that you might not be able to leave but there's always tomorrow and the day after and so on to escape your current home. The only thing I can imagine you don't need to buy to ctb is jumping. However that's very terrifying and if you managed to live you would be worse off than you are now.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Yes, I am nervous about getting packages delivered and the person I live with opening them. I'm sorry to hear you are really struggling.

 

[CoolGuy9]

I don't know if you have tried doing this, but you should try to get professional help. I can't promise it will work, but you may get some advice on how to deal with depression or maybe some pills to fix a chemical imbalance in your brain. You should also try to do something like getting a hobby to keep you going. You may not get rid of your depression, but you might get it to a level that makes live worth living.

That being said, if you still decide to ctb and you can't really get anything, id recommend you look into hanging and more specifically partial hanging. You only need a rope or something that can work as a rope like a scarf and then an anchor point which could be a tree in a forest that nobody visits at night or one of those metal bars you might have in your closet.