Story What can I do?

[Sad.L0lly]

Here we go.

My mom left me with my grandmother all my life to her create me, so I always called my grandmother of mommy. Well, I never met my real father because my true mother is a b*tch. I started to me treated like a sh*t and the housemaid with my 8 years old. I passed many bad and horror things in my life, like be spanked, raped and betrayed, and when I was raped, my family made nothing, they told I was lying or I wanted do sex with a old man (I was 13 y.o.). I don't believe in anyone and since I was a kid, I lived with fear and paranoia. The results of this sh*tty life: I developed Borderline, Schizophrenia and Bipolarity. I have to take a lots of medicines to be better in my head, but I constantly have delusions. At my 11 years old, I started to cry everyday because of depression and to cut my wrists (self-mutilation).

My life always have a tragedy, like my boyfriend commits suicide or friends left me in bad moments. Well, I tried to die many times, but I always failed.

I'm a good person, I laugh with everyone, hiding all the pain I feel everyday, with the scars in my arms, with the voices in my head, with the delusions in my vision.

If I die, will my family care about me? Wil one person know that I died?

I think that's just a outburst, but someone reading this, I'll feel important, because someone will know that I exist in this vast and happy world.

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

I'm so sorry. I admire you for your strength to keep on going. Maybe the reason you failed is because it's not your time to go
Don't take my advice the wrong way
There are NO MISTAKES in this universe

I'm glad you're still here and I hope you find peace

 

[Deleted member 14386]

We'll care if you died, if that helps at all, it's your choice and I'm sure most people here will support it. It's horrible that you have had to go through all that, reading your post I couldn't imagine being in so much pain and carrying on. Well done, even if your just coping. You've been through hell it's 100% normal to feel the way you do.
Whatever you do, know that someone is here, sending virtual hugs

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Sounds like you've had a rough ride. I think you've done well to get this far. It's sometimes really hard to show you care about someone but if you were gone I suspect your family would care very much. Stuff just gets in the way as everyone is carrying their own unseen burden.
It's great to come on here and vent. Sometimes all I need is to be listened to.

 

[Sad.L0lly]

I'm so sorry. I admire you for your strength to keep on going. Maybe the reason you failed is because it's not your time to go
Don't take my advice the wrong way
There are NO MISTAKES in this universe

I'm glad you're still here and I hope you find peace

Thanks, really. Your words made me feel a little bit better while I'm crying wanting to die. I hope you find peace too. :( <3 You are a good person

We'll care if you died, if that helps at all, it's your choice and I'm sure most people here will support it. It's horrible that you have had to go through all that, reading your post I couldn't imagine being in so much pain and carrying on. Well done, even if your just coping. You've been through hell it's 100% normal to feel the way you do.
Whatever you do, know that someone is here, sending virtual hugs

I smiled with the "virtual hugs" <3 I feel more happier reading this. <3 Thanks for the support, really.. you know how hard all this is being for me.

Sounds like you've had a rough ride. I think you've done well to get this far. It's sometimes really hard to show you care about someone but if you were gone I suspect your family would care very much. Stuff just gets in the way as everyone is carrying their own unseen burden.
It's great to come on here and vent. Sometimes all I need is to be listened to.

Thanks for read my text.. but about my family.. no, they don't care. I tried suicide in these days, I took about 15 pills of Carbolitium-450mg and no one cared. My boyfriend called to my mother to her take me to the hospital ou an asylum, but she said "no, I can't, I'm in work now, I can't leave my job alone to take her to an hospital". I throwed up 3 hours later without my wish. This day was a HARD day. I cutted my wrists so deep and took more pills, but this time was pills of alprazolam. I didn't died, but I felt sick for one week and my family just said "was better if you passed away, you're a bullshit, just know make problems". Yep, they don't care about me.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Thanks, really. Your words made me feel a little bit better while I'm crying wanting to die. I hope you find peace too. :( <3 You are a good person

I smiled with the "virtual hugs" <3 I feel more happier reading this. <3 Thanks for the support, really.. you know how hard all this is being for me.

Thanks for read my text.. but about my family.. no, they don't care. I tried suicide in these days, I took about 15 pills of Carbolitium-450mg and no one cared. My boyfriend called to my mother to her take me to the hospital ou an asylum, but she said "no, I can't, I'm in work now, I can't leave my job alone to take her to an hospital". I throwed up 3 hours later without my wish. This day was a HARD day. I cutted my wrists so deep and took more pills, but this time was pills of alprazolam. I didn't died, but I felt sick for one week and my family just said "was better if you passed away, you're a bullshit, just know make problems". Yep, they don't care about me.

The fact that I made you smile made me smile, weird how the mind works!

The more I read on this site/thread, the angrier I get that anyone could do this to anyone else, let alone family. I wish I could help more but all I have are words, I'm assuming you've thought about moving place? I mean I'm not all for disowning family members but if they're harmful/enabling bad mental health...and the covering up of rape :/. Not good.

If you don't mind me saying the place you're living in is an incredibly toxic environment to live, especially with any depression. Is there anyone you can report this to where you are? Can anyone help with housing? Maybe some space will help, idk I'm talking out my ass lol

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Thanks, really. Your words made me feel a little bit better while I'm crying wanting to die. I hope you find peace too. :( <3 You are a good person

I smiled with the "virtual hugs" <3 I feel more happier reading this. <3 Thanks for the support, really.. you know how hard all this is being for me.

Thanks for read my text.. but about my family.. no, they don't care. I tried suicide in these days, I took about 15 pills of Carbolitium-450mg and no one cared. My boyfriend called to my mother to her take me to the hospital ou an asylum, but she said "no, I can't, I'm in work now, I can't leave my job alone to take her to an hospital". I throwed up 3 hours later without my wish. This day was a HARD day. I cutted my wrists so deep and took more pills, but this time was pills of alprazolam. I didn't died, but I felt sick for one week and my family just said "was better if you passed away, you're a bullshit, just know make problems". Yep, they don't care about me.

I'm so sorry. Sometimes I really can't believe how the one's that claim to care about us abandon us out of convenience. An attempt at suicide is hard to deal with by one's family, but abandonment isn't the answer.