You're still criticizing disabled persons. I doubt, we will be friends.
Ok. I guess I am and obviously still have some growing up to do. I was raised in a white, suburban, upper-middle class neighborhood by REPUBLICANS who took me to a SOUTHERN BAPTIST CHURCH and sent me to RELIGIOUS PRIVATE SCHOOLS and boarding schools closed by the feds for religious control and abuse of women and children. There were 2 black people in my neighborhood school. We had no exposure to much outside of rodeos and football. When I was in my 20's, I lived around rich kids in the Haight-Ashbury and Mission District in San Francisco. I thought I was grungy looking because it was cultural - I didn't know that these people around me were all going to become software engineers as adults and that i'd fall into poverty. I thought that a job at Macy's made me human. I had no idea what a peion I was . See, these people don't see me now. I don't exist. I don't exist to my family. I don't exist anywhere. I don't exist to an African-American (I am a threat) . I don't exist to a Native American (I am a threat). I'm always offending someobdy.
I watched friends die in the street from throwing themselves from building. Beautiful Muslim girls who were black who couldn't get along with southern black people. People who had been in art schools who associated with "other things". I've seen enough. I've heard enough. At this point, I am still "white, uneducated in suffering and selfish, deep-down".
At this late stage in development, I'm still obtaining MS Office certification. I've yet to complete an associate's degree. I've moved over 50X. I've lost touch with everyone I knew in my entire life. I'm still trying to avoid entrapment of SSI / SSDI - welfare sex, force into religion, long to be returned to sheltering where I work excessively and get along with my peers, friendly, unless I've had too much to drink.
I'll admit it, I can be a more than a little bit racist, a little bit immature, a little bit wounded by culture wars in passing. I can be offensive to the point of outright racist ranting. I've used slurs, I've been an absolute ASSHOLE to people. I'm terrible. I used to think that big people using walkers in the street were underexercised and hadn't learned how to "do it right". I was raised that way - I'm still very ignorant to this day. I'm still not developed. I don't know how. I don't socialize this way - properly. I needed welfare cotillion and i have had plenty. I'm still OUT OF CONTROL and will die in the street an alcohol addicted incompetent. I'm sure it's coming for me next. I'm still pretty pissed.
I am however, trying to snap out of suicide mode and move on to a job where I'm capable of carrying on my adult responsibilities, given all of the customs, honor culture and introduction to a war on women that has had an impact on me.
Love sees no color, my name isn't Jisis and I'm not there yet. I'm only human and we evolve slower (us: white people from suburban neighborhoods where these things weren't part of our upbringing, the norm) and understand oppression, later. I was never exposed to diversity until I entered warzones (eg: shelters, mental healthcare systems). I had no idea that a period out of place would be a good excuse to trap me in my room and shame me all day. I had no idea what had happened to these people and now I'm in the depths of being one.
The last time I was sheltered, I saved up around 37,000$. I felt like it was a good idea. People are savages. I put money into retirement, saw it as "sandwich money" felt my whole "life" slipping away from me. I've blown that all on education that probably won't pay off and time / rent / housing and excuses to drug and off myself.
Tonight, I'd like it if my drinking binge ends on a positive note and I'm fortunate (and GRATEFUL) to pick up my Quickbooks tutorial again tomorrow and prepare for the culture shock I'll encounter next in the conservative office where I'll be working next. It's woman owned, she seems progressive and like she's got a good head on her shoulders. Maybe.
I can't help it and want to get up tomorrow and hopefully do something "whiteish" and "rude to disabled people" like use a gym with my face mask digusing the fact that I'm muttering hate speech underneath it at patriarchy and men and survive another day. Grateful for WA state trails, birds, binoculars and of course for challenging peole like you who remind me of (again) what a racist, white trash piece of shit I am.
i don't understand how to speak carefully, use my words only when necessary or how to think before I speak. i was thrown into this because I was. My experiences have hurt me, also. I haven't had time to become an eloquent speaker or a person who really gets it and can.
Sorry. I didn't mean to offend.
yes, that is my view of disability. how archaic, sadistic, oppressive and cruel.
