What are you doing to work up to it?

[Unspoken]

I know I'm going to do it. I'm just trying to work up the motivation to actually get my affairs in order and go through with it. I also read that putting yourself in dangerous situations can help build up resistance to the survival instinct.

Any suggestions to get a little more motivated? What are you doing?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I also read that putting yourself in dangerous situations can help build up resistance to the survival instinct

I also read that they can get you seriously injured.

J/K!!! Forgive my chuckling.

I have done the dreaded putting affairs in order and things are less heavy now. The process really helped me be aware of everything I needed to address, and just how others will be impacted. I have a much clearer perspective now. Still feel badly about others, but I needed that clarity and it did not change my decision, but if my circumstances weren't insurmountable, I would have changed my mind. Definitely can see now that if I had done it impulsively, things would have been way more challenging for them.

Practicing different methods has also helped me know what I can and cannot handle, and more of the reality of what I'm aiming to do, it's not so abstract now.

 

[S1mpleme]

I don't have any motivation to life, why would I have motivation to death.

 

[strawberrygirl]

I am reading up more on antinatalism and efilism to discover more about myself and confirm that to end my life is what I really want.
I want to go peacefully and not out of impulse, anger and hatred for life..

 

[Unspoken]

I am reading up more on antinatalism and efilism to discover more about myself and confirm that to end my life is what I really want.
I want to go peacefully and not out of impulse, anger and hatred for life..

I definitely want to do some reading up. That's a good idea. I wish you well with your research and your journey to peace.

 

[Hennessy]

I also struggle with the survival Instinct. To work up my motivation I spend a lot of time on SS and doing research on methods. I hope that reading about death will make it easier for me to kill myself when the time comes.

 

[Unspoken]

I don't have any motivation to life, why would I have motivation to death.

Motivation is the biggest challenge.

I also read that they can get you seriously injured.

J/K!!! Forgive my chuckling.

I have done the dreaded putting affairs in order and things are less heavy now. The process really helped me be aware of everything I needed to address, and just how others will be impacted. I have a much clearer perspective now. Still feel badly about others, but I needed that clarity and it did not change my decision, but if my circumstances weren't insurmountable, I would have changed my mind. Definitely can see now that if I had done it impulsively, things would have been way more challenging for them.

Practicing different methods has also helped me know what I can and cannot handle, and more of the reality of what I'm aiming to do, it's not so abstract now.

Yeah not looking to get injured! Thanks for your reply and humor. Good for you on getting your affairs in order. It's a big journey preparing.
You say practicing different methods and I have been practicing mine (partial hanging) but I'm not sure what else I could practice? I reached that choice after being too stupid to figure out bitcoin and the dark net.

I also struggle with the survival Instinct. To work up my motivation I spend a lot of time on SS and doing research on methods. I hope that reading about death will make it easier for me to kill myself when the time comes.

Yeah it's a real struggle. I've been doing a lot of the same. SS has been a consistent comfort through this time.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I've given stuff away pretending I'm just cleaning out space. I walk late at night when I can't sleep. I live in a not so nice neighborhood. Yesterday I drove reckless. But that was dumb. I don't want anyone else physically hurt by my actions. But it felt good driving fast with no seat belt except the car making that stupid noise. I need to pull that sensor

 

[Jean4]

Personally, I believe when it's time it's time. I personally don't need to make out a will or what not.

 

[porfin1234]

I've been disassociating a lot with reality. None of this feels real. The change in job and never going back, etc. Maybe if I pretend it's a nightmare and I'll wake up when CTB.

Problem is I'm letting things go and not taking care of myself ... but life goes on and that shit will catch up to me if I don't actually CTB. One foot in one foot out the door. Not good and need to make a decision.

I have crap to take care of but almost no motivation. A lot of opportunities to do things I love but sometimes I don't do it because it reminds me of what I want to live for.

I shower at least because of work.

 

[issyishere]

I've been reading old members i miss goodbye threads, the act of ctb is not selfish one but an extremely courageous one. To be able to fight against your survival instincts and your own dna is not easy. I just hope I have the same amount of courage when the time comes.

 

[Jean4]

I've been disassociating a lot with reality. None of this feels real. The change in job and never going back, etc. Maybe if I pretend it's a nightmare and I'll wake up when CTB.

Problem is I'm letting things go and not taking care of myself ... but life goes on and that shit will catch up to me if I don't actually CTB. One foot in one foot out the door. Not good and need to make a decision.

I have crap to take care of but almost no motivation. A lot of opportunities to do things I love but sometimes I don't do it because it reminds me of what I want to live for.

I shower at least because of work.

I have to make a list to tell myself to shower and brush my teeth. I hear you about not wanting to do anything

 

[Unspoken]

I've been disassociating a lot with reality. None of this feels real. The change in job and never going back, etc. Maybe if I pretend it's a nightmare and I'll wake up when CTB.

Problem is I'm letting things go and not taking care of myself ... but life goes on and that shit will catch up to me if I don't actually CTB. One foot in one foot out the door. Not good and need to make a decision.

I have crap to take care of but almost no motivation. A lot of opportunities to do things I love but sometimes I don't do it because it reminds me of what I want to live for.

I shower at least because of work.

I relate so much to this. There's so much I'm neglecting because I just want to be dead. I feel like every day I'm an imposter in my own life. This isn't living.

 

[Madiem]

having been in many fucked up situations in my life i can resist the pull to stop when i attempt by hanging but jumping is a big no for me which methods do you consider?

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

1. Selling my belonging. 2. Getting clear on wether or not I can be happy in this life. 3. Examining my willngness to stay and work myself out of a 40-year-deep hole 4. Reinforcing my RESOLUTENESS TO REFUSE TO STAY IN THIS LIFE AND SUFFER SIMPLY FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN THAT I AM AFRIAD TO DIE-- Fuck that. I will not stay here our of fear.

 

[Aleandra Felix]

I'm trying more self-destructive and risky behaviors. I've been watching a lot of hanging videos (my chosen method), walking around dangerous areas in my city, starving myself, punching my head (even though this has always been a coping mechanism for me) and practicing hanging by tightening the rope around my neck, trying to find the sweet spot and cutting off my breath. Honestly, I feel like I'm fucking up my brain already. Yesterday I had a killing headache and felt I was going to collapse anytime soon. I was a bit worried because I wasn't ready. I want to hang myself, not to randomly die like that. Today I'm still in pain but, thinking about it, I just don't give a shit. Let me die.

Oh yeah, almost forgot. I'm sorting out my stuffs. I donated a lot of things. I'm pretty frugal myself but I just want to vanish and don't really like the idea of these "pieces of me" staying with my parents or with anyone really.

Problem is I'm letting things go and not taking care of myself ... but life goes on and that shit will catch up to me if I don't actually CTB. One foot in one foot out the door. Not good and need to make a decision

I totally feel this. The first time I drowned in depression I "let myself go". I didn't take care of my health, my hygiene, didn't even think of putting an effort into getting a job or going to school, cut off all of my relationships. I mean, I was going to kill myself, so why bother? Then I didn't die and reality came to bite my ass. Now, I'm more than a regular loser, I'm a late-in-literally-everything-in-life loser. This is why, even without motivation, even if I plan to CTB soon, I still try to keep a normal life and take opportunities. I don't want to deal with a deeper rock bottom just because I was stupid and trusted I'd be capable of ending it all, when I know I can't.

 

[Csmith8827]

Listening to dark music/trying to embrace darkness. Secluding myself from people (as if i wasn't already exiled), and watching anime about justice and truth.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Getting a playlist ready and making sure on a the specific day

 

[sub_o]

Getting my Playlist done.
Since my inevitable death is pushed by my family, it's just a matter of time before they triggering it thanks to their cunty behavior.
I just need to internalize the hate

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

You say practicing different methods and I have been practicing mine (partial hanging) but I'm not sure what else I could practice?

Well, many athletes and public speakers visualize step by step, over and over, so that when the time comes they are prepared. They imagine every detail, even sensations.

 

[MysticPerception]

Absolutely nothing. The visualizing was happening even before I had a plan so not like I have to do anything on that end. I will give no indication whatsoever that I intend to ctb. On the off chance that I fail I need a life to come back to that I can successfully fake long enough to pull it off again. If I start doing anything out of line now someone might catch on and I don't want that to happen so I'm just going to keep doing my regular activities until the time comes.