Discussion What are women like? How should I treat them? (serious)

[BloomingStrella]

Hey all, long time no see. I decided I wanted to do something about my unhappiness, starting with opening myself up to interact with others.

Guys are easy enough, but I'd like to know how to interact with gals too. I have seen a lot of heated debate online around how women are treated, and how they should be treated.

I'd like some pointers on how to interact with women, so I can expand my social circle little by little. Hopefully make some friends of all kinds, and feel better about myself.

Romance is way too much for my beginning recovery stage, by the way. I just want to make some new woman friends, since I imagine they can be as cool as the guys. I want to get out of the doom and gloom.

Might seem like a dumb post, but whatever. I need all the help I can get.

 

[Adûnâi]

SexyIncél in his great wisdom told us that being the adorer is more fun than being the adored. But that's all I know as I have never talked to anyone IRL lmao

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

In your past interactions with women, is there anything you've noticed that's particularly difficult? Do you just have a hard time finding what to say?

 

[Life_and_Death]

typically a good rule of thumb to follow is "how would you feel if you were treated that way?"


i wish i could expand more but im feeling a little spent rn... (it is almost midnight )

 

[consider]

Wonder about the same things. I used to desperately want a friend so I praise them every chance I got, it never further than polite small talk. I think they can tell how needy I was and it replused them. I eventually gave up but still feel lonely when I am alone outside. I am a woman though.

 

[vampire2002]

i want to say we're not that scary. i'm not suited to give advice on this subject, because despite being a woman myself, i'm also quite bad at socializing with other women... for some reason. i'm bad at socializing in general, but most of my friends in life have been male, even if i do think most women are very kind. i'd be open to being friends with you!

 

[Life_and_Death]

it replused them

or maybe they didnt know how to respond to it?

 

[consider]

or maybe they didnt know how to respond to it?

I have this kind of problem when I was in preschool. I've read a book called the body keeps the score. I didnt spend more than 20 min on it since it is a difficult read. But iirc it said that is a common issue that people like me hardly have friend. I have no ability to maintain relationships.

 

[kat6]

Every person is different, male or female. Treat them with respect, common courtesy and be friendly and go from there. If they have common interests with you, you can talk about that, but don't feel the need to force conversation (same as if you were talking to a guy really)… and don't assume they're interested in you romantically if they are friendly towards you.

Think of it as befriending a stray cat. If they are skittish, or pull away and run off, don't chase them. Respect their space and don't take it personally that they're not overly willing to interact. It's not about you. :)

 

[Adûnâi]

typically a good rule of thumb to follow is "how would you feel if you were treated that way?"

I doubt that's a good rule, men and women have disparate preferences, offer different values, etc. A guy would never say no, but a women would have trouble saying yes.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I'd like some pointers on how to interact with women...

"Just be yourself", is something of a cliché, but with some serious merit. Stay true to your own ideals, and try to be a good person by your own definitions.

The thing is that women are a very large and diverse group, and you want to attract the ones who are compatible with you and your values.
Whether your a tough or sensitive guy, hard working or chronically stoned, there are women out there who like it.

I think consistency and reliability are key factors in any relation, romantic or otherwise. The next most important is to expose yourself to situations where relations can occur.
Go out in public, and do things you like doing. Express interest in a way you think is appropriate, aligning with your ideals and character.

I think social life gets hard when we're not happy with ourselves. Anyone sharing my values and ideals would have a hard time respecting me.
As such I personally need to get closer to my own ideals, or change them, before I can expect social success.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I doubt that's a good rule, men and women have disparate preferences, offer different values, etc.

you can have different preferences and still be nice to other people. thats really basically all its saying.

a women would have trouble saying yes.

also i cant speak to the male half but you want to talk about a "good rule" well this is a bad rule. most women have trouble saying no because of the bs most have gone through.
youre taking a situation dependent thing and using it as a blanket statement. you should try stepping into the other persons shoes before commenting or realize you dont know their situation to comment. like this whole part of your comment (including the male half) tells me you dont know much about relationship abuse. because a man has no trouble telling a girl no and a girl finds her words lost inside her unable to find there way out. if a girl were to ask for something (in an abusive relationship) a male would have no problem laughing and saying no. meanwhile a girl cant speak at all and as much as she want to scream "no stop", she cant and has to go along with the yes




also, i think i know how id like to be treated, and if you cant take 2 seconds to think "would i like to be spoken to this way" (which is typically like an object coming from males), then yeah shes probably not gonna be too interested.

 

[Dot]

I doubt that's a good rule, men and women have disparate preferences, offer different values, etc. A guy would never say no, but a women would have trouble saying yes.

Womn r nt monolth

Evry1 lkes 2 b treatd wth respct
Ppl wll pck up on if u r comng acrss as 'needy' - remmbr tht u hve plnty 2 offr as persn -- complmnts r fne bt perhps try 2 fcus on specfc intrsts & gt 2 knw ppl ovr thse

 

[sla_porra22]

Well, there's no big secret. You just treat her like any other person. Women are human beings, just like your male friends, who you said are easy to become friends with. I just advise you to be more affectionate than you usually are with your friends, and above all, to know how to LISTEN carefully to her. At first, avoid physical contact. You don't know if she has possible traumas involving some kind of abuse, so only make physical contact if she initiates it or says she is okay with it.

Like, this isn't a great tutorial, but it's always worked really well for me. Maybe you can give it a try. And of course, there will be people who don't want to be your friend and that's okay. Don't get caught up in the idea that you're not good at talking to them, or that they're just too difficult to deal with. Just keep looking and you'll naturally expand your social circle.

Oh, and of course, a good tip is to initially try to be friends with girls who have some affinity with your male friends. You may be in a similar interaction bubble and it will be easier to create a good dialogue. Hope this helps you, Op

Oh, and sorry for any grammar mistakes, ambiguous interpretations or anything like that. English is not my native language and I'm using a translator, so...

 

[Leiot]

I can tell you what not to do. Don't put them up on a pedistal and worship them. Don't follow the old morals of being the noble provider and protecting the delicate woman.

They're people, and they're different. Talking to them is a skill that has to be developed, but it's really the same skill you use talking to anyone else. You listen and treat them with respect (although we men have to learn exactly what that means). In many cases you're looking for some romantic encounter. Body language is like 90% of communication. If you're staring at her chest that sends a message. Not one you want to send. Learn her body language too. If she's interested in talking you can pick up on that. If not you can pick up on that too.

We mess up big time by not reading those signals; continuing to try to talk to someone who's not interested. I have a big problem becoming interested in women who aren't interested in me. I still work on that.

If you have a female friend ask her for advice and maybe even practice dialog with her. You will fail.. a lot. But keep at it, and above all be genuine in who you are.

 

[lost_ange1]

Actually I think this is a hard question. Every lady out there is their own individual with their own personality, thoughts and character. You can't just find a general solution to how to interact with anybody anymore.

Best is to be kind and respectful, give them a chance and be open minded. Ask what they like and how their pov is on certain topics. Maybe even ask them individually how they wanna be treated, maybe this could lead to some interesting conversations and give you some insights of the person you want to get to know rather than trying to use some stereotypical ways of dealing with them or anybody really.

 

[Yurin]

There's no one size fits all, everyone is different just treat them like people/how you want people to treat you and if you click then great.