I think you need to take some time and do some deep reflection and introspection.
I got out of my abusive situation almost 4 years ago. In that time. I bought and owned my first car. Earned a college degree. Ran a marathon. Trained someone to run a marathon. Bought and sold a house. Got married. Managed a private shuttle/limousine service. Opened for a band. Went to an all day music festival. Shaved my head. Grew a mohawk. Wrote a compilation of poetry that I almost published. Lead survivor groups for people who survived intra-familial sexual abuse. Probably assisted in keeping a great many of illegal aliens from being deported given my legal work. I learned a trade. Perfected my culinary arts. Got into shape. Experimented with my sexuality in a safe way. Made a bunch of life long friends. Acknowledged my alcoholism and achieved 15 months sobriety. Acknowledged my opiate and heroin addiction and stopped using. Lost a friend to addiction.
I think that you need to take some time and write down a list of reasonable things you want to accomplish and do in the next five years and set your mind to it. I also think you need to make a list of reasonable things to have accomplished within the past 5 years.
