I understand, it feels so cruel to me how there's no acceptance towards the choice to permanently cease existing, what I see as selfish is how suffering is seen as to force and prolong no matter what even know this existence was imposed in the first place, I'd personally never wish for the torturous, unnecessary imposition of existence rather I just wish to be permanently unconscious incapable of suffering in any way, permanent non-existence truly is all that's desirable to me and my wish to cease existing is a result of existence. I'd never wish for the cruel, futile burden of existing as a human where one is capable of suffering to unlimited amounts just destined to be tortured by old age rather I just want to never exist ever again, existence just feels like a mistake to me, I see it as deeply undesirable to exist, only permanent non-existence can solve what I personally have a problem with which is existence itself.