What am I waiting for

[sewerslidalsnake2]

I'm beginning to become upset with myself. Regardless of circumstance or success I'm still depressed, and I know I don't live a life worth living. I even went to a bridge to jump but I was too scared. But I am in pain everyday of my life. I'm only 21 and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life in this much misery. I need to stop being a coward and just end it, for everyone's sake. But why can't I? My life is a prison and I'm both the jailer and the jailed. I hate myself and I wish I at least had the courage to kill myself.

 

[makethepainstop]

I know you are hurting right now, do consider that at your age your life still has the potential to get better. Strong hug to you.

 

[sewerslidalsnake2]

my life is not going to get better. stop telling me that because that's what everyone says and it only leads to more pain.

 

[universe]

Unfortunately, suffering spares no one, and even less young people. Good luck to you, I send you all my support and my prayers.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound so horrifying having to endure this life and suffer until old age, your feelings are understandable. Those who say 'it gets better' will never be able to understand what you go through as they are not living your life. I really wish that suicide is easier, this life can certainly be prison like when it's so difficult to leave it behind. It really is all so tiring, I wish you freedom.

 

[lifeORdeath]

Its your choice to make, just be careful and be certain. It scares you because it's possibly an eternal decision that's you can't take back.

I wasnt real certain when I tried but was comfortable with it. Scared me after it didn't work. But sometimes the emotions got too much and some internal force drive me to the next ideation and action.
Without too much detail of who you are, what's upsetting you?

I'm scared of heights enough to not jump too. I contemplated it and even found garages high enough. But even just thinking about it scared crap out of me.

 

[September5th]

Sometimes life just doesn't get better. In my case, it usually gets better for a while (just enough for me to get my hopes up) and then goes back to absolute shit. It's a joke and I'm the clown.
Think about it. For some to be happy, others have to be miserable. It's the contrast that dictates our lives. I was made to suffer and that won't ever change. Perhaps you're in a similar place. Our only hope is for everything to return to nothing.

 

[lifeORdeath]

I completely understand and I am afraid if things take a turn for me, I will be in the situation of it will get no better and have no choice because I can't live with the regrets, grief and pain I would cause others. I don't want to watch anyone suffer along with me.
Though I do hope for better and there is a small chance things could be fine or good enough.
But I also understand that I have led myself down this path, not if my own doing while a child, but as an adult I have made some dumb choices that still worked out okay for the moment. Sad is they all catch up and I may have ran out of chances I think, and my dumb choices have gone too far.

I hope this young person here finds some help but if he wants out, I can empathize because I too have had that take over and also still keep it in reserve.

 

[hunterfla]

I'm here if you want to reach out..not going to tell you it gets better or any other BS.

 

[Ticket 2 Heaven]

It doesn't get better. I wish I killed myself years ago.

 

[hunterfla]

It doesn't get better. I wish I killed myself years ago.

same.

 

[Hirokami]

To want to end your life at 21 is a testament to what you had to endure. Many people forget that trauma, struggles, and the like don't see age. There are even suicidal preteens. And yes, it's disheartening to see young people wanting to end it all, though I'm often empathetic to why they want to do so in the first place. I won't tell you it gets better as (a I'm not one for such platitudes (b I don't know your circumstance. Whatever you decide to do, I just hope you will be able to find what you are looking for.

 

[lifeORdeath]

I start to be the same. More lows than highs.. more lows to come. Disappointing is a word that sums it up.

To want to end your life at 21 is a testament to what you had to endure. Many people forget that trauma, struggles, and the like don't see age. There are even suicidal preteens. And yes, it's disheartening to see young people wanting to end it all, though I'm often empathetic to why they want to do so in the first place. I won't tell you it gets better as (a I'm not one for such platitudes (b I don't know your circumstance. Whatever you decide to do, I just hope you will be able to find what you are looking for.

True.
We all have our own burdens to bear and no one knows the exact pain of others or what's in their mind for certain.