I understand, it really is so unfair how hard it is to leave this life behind. The reason as to why I am still alive is because of limited access to methods. It is cruel how others take away method options and try to make suicide as difficult for us as possible. All that existence is, is a meaningless struggle full of endless problems all for the sake of it. Suicide should be accepted, nobody should be forced to suffer. I understand the feeling of being desperate to leave. Life really is so horrifying. I hope that you find freedom from what you are going through.