What age do you wish you had CTB?

[CTBookOfLife]

Inspired by this thread

Thought I'd make it a poll, so...

What age do you wish you would have CTB? Do you wish to at all? Or do you simply wish you were never born?

Feel free to reply to this thread with the exact number!

 

[ipmanwc0]

I would have liked to ctb as a newborn or infant exactly but that's not an option lol

 

[Peaceful Departure]

As horrific as my life has been, I can still appreciate small things amongst the horror. However, the last 10 years have been beyond inhumane, and I know I'll never be close to the same person again. But my breaking point should have been at 24.

 

[Darkover]

at 18 years old i wish i'd ctb

 

[Agon321]

I'm currently 20 years old and that's probably where my counter will end :). My birthday is in the middle of the year, so it is extremely unlikely that I will survive until then. However, if my situation were different, 35 years would be perfect. This is my personal maximum in terms of the age I would like to live to.

 

[protector_iorek]

I wish I'd succeeded at my first attempt at age 22, but I'd been suicidal as early as my teens, so I put teens/early adulthood.

I'm now 32 and life is even more difficult and cruel thanks to the added burden of finances, job responsibilities, and trying to function as an adult.

I truly believe functioning as an adult is a privilege for healthy, non-abused people. Society is set up for the non-mentally-ill to thrive and the rest of us are struggling and suffering.

 

[Seered Doom]

Am 23 now, wish I had it when I was 12-16

 

[SpiritualDeath]

The most ideal case is strangling myself when I was still inside the womb lol.
Or that time when I was 12, naive (with no fear of failure and consequences) and suicidal and decided to jump, but hesitated for literally a few seconds and lost my chance (got caught). I'm still thinking if it would be better if I jumped straight away...

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

Wrapped the umbilical cord around my neck.

Failing that 10.

Failing that 20.

Failing that a millisecond prior to any given moment.

 

[Is0lated]

Inspired by this thread

Thought I'd make it a poll, so...

What age do you wish you would have CTB? Do you wish to at all? Or do you simply wish you were never born?

Feel free to reply to this thread with the exact number!

14

 

[Nefer]

12-16 a young death

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish I never existed in the first place, of course never existing will always be the best possibility, it's perfection not to be burdened with the ability to suffer so extremely in this cruel and meaningless existence, existence wasn't something desirable in the first place, only the peace of nothingness is. I believe the less time spent trapped in this existence the better.

 

[iamsofkntired]

I tried to ctb at 9 nine and I wish it worked because my younger siblings would have been too young to realize what happened and my older siblings would have moved on from it by now but im glad I stayed alive for I have found my boyfriend but also I wish I died cuz he took his own life too
I tried to ctb at 9 nine and I wish it worked because my younger siblings would have been too young to realize what happened and my older siblings would have moved on from it by now but im glad I stayed alive for I have found my boyfriend but also I wish I died cuz he took his own life too

 

[EternalShore]

I wish I did it at 15! >_< People would still care yet it was the beginning of the end for me! :((( ofc, I wouldn't have actually known to do it until 16 or 17, in which case, I'm they'd just count it as a casualty of Covid more than anything else! :/

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

24/5. All my joy seems to have been over since then. Am 49 now. Half my life has been shit.

 

[voyager]

Well, I'm 46 now and 30 years into a life sentence (metaphorical ofc), and ticked adulthood, because I certainly don't want to get any older. The first seven of this sentence were the worst, was ill, innocent and unprepared. The following seven bearable despite some horrible things (how the standards have changed). Ever since 2008 Anhedonia has been encroaching more and more, which seems to be a bottomless pit, tbh, and in 2018 an event led to the ultimate demise.

I could always enjoy the little things, and finding this forum in 2019 was certainly something I'm glad I didn't miss, as was playing RW/F/RDR2 (pathetic, really, but great advertising lol), but yeah, feel asthough I've pulled back the slingshot as far as it goes and should really let go.

 

[saddavyd]

11 years ago, when I was 48, 5 years before my son hanged himself, 4 years before my mum became lost to alzheimers, my dad died and my mother in law died of a brain tumour. Also when my mental health problems started.

 

[Old Friend]

I don't regret not ctb up until now. Now/soon is the right time.

 

[sserafim]

Inspired by this thread

Thought I'd make it a poll, so...

What age do you wish you would have CTB? Do you wish to at all? Or do you simply wish you were never born?

Feel free to reply to this thread with the exact number!

I wish I had not been born. I wish I had ctb at 17 or 18, maybe even younger. I'm planning on doing so before 25 though

I wish I either had been aborted or never conceived in the first place.

Same!