Venting well, she broke up with me

[ixkitty]

I feel like I gave so much of myself. Putting my own feelings aside, disregarding my wants and needs to try to make her happy. Her depression trumped mine, I took care of her but she had no way to take care of me.. and now she got what she wanted out of me and broke up with me. I knew I didn't deserve to live but once again I'm kicked down. It doesn't matter... 50+ more hours of work this week and I'll be able to buy the bullets... I was going to use SN but ... I want to follow Him. If I knew where he CTB I'd go to that exact same spot but I suppose I'll have to find another place.

 

[Sherri]

I'm sorry you going through that, what do you mean like follow him? Someone you knew?

 

[ixkitty]

I'm sorry you going through that, what do you mean like follow him? Someone you knew?

Him = my partner in crime that CTB on the 2nd of August vis firearm.. at first I wanted to use SN but maybe, in a twisted Romeo and Juliet, we can be together

 

[specklenought]

I am so sorry for what you've been through, it sounds like she didn't have any capacity to show up for your pain in a way that you did for her. it is extremely painful to put ur own needs aside out of love for someone and then have ur partner turn around and also put your needs aside for what they want.

 

[theguineapigking]

I'm just so sorry for your breakup. I can only imagine the pain. I just couldn't ever make myself vulnerable that way, because it would hurt too much. The pain must be real, man. Do you truly feel that she just used you? Or do you think perhaps that she broke up because she wants to break off emotional ties and possibly try to ctb? That can be a sign of her planning to make an escape, as I see so many posts here about breaking up, to ctb. Were you already planning to ctb this week(I think that's when you mean to?)? Or was this the last straw, which has pushed you over the edge?


@specklenought
I totally agree. It's emotionally draining to put someone else first and to go out of your way to support them, yet they can't even begin to do the same for you. It's understandable in a sense, if she hadn't led him on or anything, which it appears she did.

 

[ixkitty]

I'm just so sorry for your breakup. I can only imagine the pain. I just couldn't ever make myself vulnerable that way, because it would hurt too much. The pain must be real, man. Do you truly feel that she just used you? Or do you think perhaps that she broke up because she wants to break off emotional ties and possibly try to ctb? That can be a sign of her planning to make an escape, as I see so many posts here about breaking up, to ctb. Were you already planning to ctb this week(I think that's when you mean to?)? Or was this the last straw, which has pushed you over the edge?


@specklenought
I totally agree. It's emotionally draining to put someone else first and to go out of your way to support them, yet they can't even begin to do the same for you. It's understandable in a sense, if she hadn't led him on or anything, which it appears she did.

I have been planning to CTB for a while... her leaving just reminds me that even other broken people won't want me so why would anyone else. I continuously bleed for others day in and out and I have no way of reeling myself by in to save myself from any pain. I've been used and used and for some stupid reason I keep putting it all put there to be used again.. I try to treat people the way I want to he treated but... I always end up hurt in the end and it sucks. I've tried to change but I feel bad for saying No or standing up for myself... I just wasn't meant to live in a world like this with so much anger and selfishness and hatred...

I don't feel she used me because she has depression herself. She just is incapable of helping me through my down times like I'm able to help her.. but instead of putting her all into it she decided she couldn't do it.

She's afraid to CTB. She already told me. She knows I want to from my last hospitalization.

I am so sorry for what you've been through, it sounds like she didn't have any capacity to show up for your pain in a way that you did for her. it is extremely painful to put ur own needs aside out of love for someone and then have ur partner turn around and also put your needs aside for what they want.

Unfortunately that's the cycle I'm trapped in. I get a friend/ partner, I give my all - 150% invested through troubles, depression, anxiety, everything. And they leave .. whether through cheating or using or others..

It's just so frustrating trying to do something for myself and I come up with... nothing!

 

[Life_and_Death]

The title reminded me of this song. I don't know if it will help or even if you will like it but maybe someone reading this someday will

 

[grungeCat]

I'm sorry for your loss. If you are a guy then read this because it might help you understand why you have been treated like that. The truth is that girls subconsciously (or not) don't want depressed guys. It's coded within human genetics. The men were always strong and brutal. They always were expected to protect women and children. This a type of man every woman desire. Because it's been like that for ages. Women are evolutionarily programmed to seek for strong men. This is natural selection. Due to this our species still manage to exist (which may not be a good thing). Depressed guys are lost at the start. My advise is to give up searching for girlfriend. I'm taking meds that supress my libido and it makes my existence a little bit more bearable.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm sorry for your loss. If you are a guy then read this because it might help you understand why you have been treated like that. The truth is that girls subconsciously (or not) don't want depressed guys. It's coded within human genetics. The men were always strong and brutal. They always were expected to protect women and children. This a type of man every woman desire. Because it's been like that for ages. Women are evolutionarily programmed to seek for strong men. This is natural selection. Due to this our species still manage to exist (which may not be a good thing). Depressed guys are lost at the start. My advise is to give up searching for girlfriend. I'm taking meds that supress my libido and it makes my existence a little bit more bearable.

You shouldn't speak for everyone. I have a friend who is be with if I could and he's depressed. Not all females care about that.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I have been planning to CTB for a while... her leaving just reminds me that even other broken people won't want me so why would anyone else. I continuously bleed for others day in and out and I have no way of reeling myself by in to save myself from any pain. I've been used and used and for some stupid reason I keep putting it all put there to be used again.. I try to treat people the way I want to he treated but... I always end up hurt in the end and it sucks. I've tried to change but I feel bad for saying No or standing up for myself... I just wasn't meant to live in a world like this with so much anger and selfishness and hatred...

I don't feel she used me because she has depression herself. She just is incapable of helping me through my down times like I'm able to help her.. but instead of putting her all into it she decided she couldn't do it.

She's afraid to CTB. She already told me. She knows I want to from my last hospitalization.



Unfortunately that's the cycle I'm trapped in. I get a friend/ partner, I give my all - 150% invested through troubles, depression, anxiety, everything. And they leave .. whether through cheating or using or others..

It's just so frustrating trying to do something for myself and I come up with... nothing!

I'm the same way.

 

[grungeCat]

You shouldn't speak for everyone. I have a friend who is be with if I could and he's depressed. Not all females care about that.

I'm sorry but I doubt it. Well, maybe not all females but the overwhelming majority. I would say above 99%. Women are a lot more picky about choosing the life partner than males. It's because females used to have a lot more to lose if they had chosen badly. They would have been left to themselves with children, which they had to raise up and maintain. Now it's a residue after ancient history. It can manifest in subconscious decisions. That's why relationships as OP described tend to break up very easily. Female's subconsciousness tells her that such partner lowers her chances to survive. On the mental level we are still monkeys in the jungle.

 

[ixkitty]

I'm sorry for your loss. If you are a guy then read this because it might help you understand why you have been treated like that. The truth is that girls subconsciously (or not) don't want depressed guys. It's coded within human genetics. The men were always strong and brutal. They always were expected to protect women and children. This a type of man every woman desire. Because it's been like that for ages. Women are evolutionarily programmed to seek for strong men. This is natural selection. Due to this our species still manage to exist (which may not be a good thing). Depressed guys are lost at the start. My advise is to give up searching for girlfriend. I'm taking meds that supress my libido and it makes my existence a little bit more bearable.

Granted, you're not wrong. I'm a depressed girl that dated a pre op transgendered girl. I'm on meds.. have been for 6 years..

The title reminded me of this song. I don't know if it will help or even if you will like it but maybe someone reading this someday will

I actually like this song. thank you <3

 

[grungeCat]

Granted, you're not wrong. I'm a depressed girl that dated a pre op transgendered girl. I'm on meds.. have been for 6 years..

As I said it applies only to man-woman relationship. I even pointed out 'If you are a guy'... In your case it's much more difficult to explain why your relationship has fallen apart as these ones aren't scientifically described well or I'm too dumb to understand. I didn't want to upset you. In fact I thought it might help you...