Weight - Contributing Factor to depression / anxiety for you?

[TowerUpright]

I'm throwing this out there - I have a huge draw to CTB. I'm hanging on for a while (as much as I can) due to my kids and me not wanting them to grow up without a father. I know, even if I CTB'd now, they'd be financially taken care of and my wife would still be around.

My main reason for wanting to CTB is very elaborate and a bit more of a personal conversation. But a huge contributing factor for me is my weight gain - I'm approaching 250 lbs now, and have a huge problem with eating / drinking. So, rather than doing something about it, I'm simply putting more blame on myself for not having more self-control..

I think, though, if I lost weight, it would help with my depression. It wouldn't fix my main problem, but could make things a bit better for me. Let me hang on a little longer.

Does anyone else feel their weight (one way or another) negatively impacts your mental health?

 

[Rachel74]

I'm 3 stone overweight, might not be much but I hate it. Trouble is I love food too much. I'd rather be happy and fat and miserable and skinny.

 

[TowerUpright]

I like eating crap, is my problem. But I hate the feeling of the weight. The tightness of the clothes.. Looking at pictures of me. I mean, I'm not bad looking on my own (chubby, but not awful), but pictures make me look even better.

It might be something I try to correct in the future, if I can make it that long.

 

[Forest Fire]

I'm a mess either way but when I lose weight my state of mind is worse. Can't remember the last time I enjoyed a meal. Weight's ok at the moment but it's a slog getting enough calories down me every day, along with everything else.

 

[SlackJim]

I think for me like you it's a contributing factor, although it's not the "root" if you like. I know I can be happy in any shape or appearance, I believe that is possible it's just about perspective, what's difficult is shifting the perspective, for me at least.

 

[a_strange_day]

I've never felt worse than when I was dangerously underweight. And it's a vicious circle, you lose weight because you are depressed and you get even more depressed because you've lost too much weight. So yes I think it negatively impacts my mental health

 

[gingerplum]

Definitely a contributing factor, and I, too think my weight and obsession with food is part of my unhappiness. I envy you, @Rachel74; I can't be happy if I think I'm overweight, and my idea of what I should weigh isn't very forgiving.

 

[woxihuanni]

Distressed > lose appetite > fat melts off as if I was a fucking candle > more distressed.

One difficulty with putting it back on is that I don't like sugar or grains/flour. It's not that I never like anything made with them, but it's rare. I go through the entire snacks isles without seeing anything I could imagine getting down my throat. When I see someone put sugar in their coffee, I have a sympathetic burning in my throat, mixed with horror.

Also don't like minced meat, chicken, curry, corn, seafood except grilled fish. Though I love dairy, there are parts of the world I wouldn't touch any of the cheeses with a barge pole. Good fucking luck putting on any weight, eh? I can eat hearty portions if the food is high quality/fresh, though.

 

[6000qqq]

Yes. I've been both over and underweight, and I can honestly say it doesn't matter what I weigh I will still hate myself. Even right now, I'm at the lower end of healthy weight and I should be happy about that, but that gnawing feeling of not being good enough and feeling disgusted with my body breaks me down constantly.

 

[mathieu]

I get really down about my body. Not only am I 96kg/176cm 211lbs/5'9 but I have stretch marks from gaining the weight so quickly. I have lost 10kg/20lbs with the diet I'm on (phentermine and diet shakes). But still hate my body. I have a boyfriend and he doesn't seem to mind which I don't understand.

 

[Élégie]

I have body dysmorphia and an eating disorder, so weight is definitely a contributing factor in my case. I've been both emaciated and obese. I'm currently slightly above my ideal weight, but I'm healthy overall. I wish I could lose 30lbs, though...
Like the previous poster (@mathieu) said, I also have stretch marks because of all the weight fluctuations and I absolutely hate it.
My body is disgusting.

 

[Boochky]

I gained 150 pounds in a year from a psych med I had to take. This is after slowly creeping up for 19 years of the other pills, so now I'm at 350. I've never really cared about the physical world that much so I deal with it and I have definitely learned humility. I have a boyfriend who worships me and would want me even.bigger if I wanted to be. (I don't get it.) When it comes to ctb, I think more about my teeth to be honest. But, if I had to go in an office every day, I'm sure they'd find a way to make me miserable.

 

[Doomcat]

Oh my gosh, my heart breaks while reading these posts.

I have always struggled with depression and anxiety and body dysmorphia. I was self-conscious about my weight since I was five years old. My parents taught me the most important thing I could be in this world is thin. Which is too bad because I was a chubby baby and raised in a poor house with terrible food choices and became a fat child. My mom was obsessed with her own weight and lived on pills and fad diets and my dad bullied us both mercilessly about our weight.

After peaking at 260 pounds as an adult, I was able (thanks to an eating disorder and obsessive workouts) to loose 130 pounds. I was so thin that I had to sleep with a pillow between my legs because my bones rubbed together painfully when I slept on my side and I was constantly cold. I had stopped having my period because of the excessive workouts. I was also incredibly, over-the-moon happy.

Of course I couldn't maintain, especially after a back injury that made me stop working out while it healed. The weight came back. I was able to stop it at a peak of 220 pounds this time.

I'm currently right at 200. I've been struggling since January to lose even that much. At that point, I told myself that I would give me a year to get to 160 pounds. I don't think I'll make it. I have my plan to CBT if I don't.

I'm the world's biggest hypocrite because I'm an outspoken body-positive feminist and I believe what I preach to other people. Just not for me.

On top of it all is the knowledge that I am pretty pathetic for this to be my big sadness in life, when other people have real problems. But I cannot live like this. Having been really thin, I now know what the world is like when you look the way it expects you to. Sadly, I would rather be dead than fat.

*Note- I absolutely do not fat-shame others and 100% believe people are more than a number on a scale. Except me.

 

[blanketyblk]

I was always rail thin. i'm 6'1 and use to be around 110 pounds. then started taking anti-depressants and my weight ballooned up to 280 pounds. while i would like to just blame the tablets i also just gave up on line and stopping do any activity really. i just hoped a heart attack would take me out. but in our family our hearts are pretty darn strong.

Last few months i did get my butt into gear and start losing weight. lost around 55 pounds now and losing on average around 2 pounds a week. i just simply don't each much and do a shit load of walking and exercise..

weight doesn't cause me to want to CTB, it doesn't help but, I've always been a weird looking girl. so i just lump it into all the other things that look weird about me.

 

[Rachel74]

Definitely a contributing factor, and I, too think my weight and obsession with food is part of my unhappiness. I envy you, @Rachel74; I can't be happy if I think I'm overweight, and my idea of what I should weigh isn't very forgiving.

It took a while gingerplum, I had a breast reduction last year as I thought that would make me happy, it did not. I am just happy now to be 12 stones.

I was always rail thin. i'm 6'1 and use to be around 110 pounds. then started taking anti-depressants and my weight ballooned up to 280 pounds. while i would like to just blame the tablets i also just gave up on line and stopping do any activity really. i just hoped a heart attack would take me out. but in our family our hearts are pretty darn strong.

Last few months i did get my butt into gear and start losing weight. lost around 55 pounds now and losing on average around 2 pounds a week. i just simply don't each much and do a shit load of walking and exercise..

weight doesn't cause me to want to CTB, it doesn't help but, I've always been a weird looking girl. so i just lump it into all the other things that look weird about me.

Can I ask what you did to lose 55 POUNDS.

 

[TowerUpright]

Can I ask what you did to lose 55 POUNDS.

I second that.

 

[gingerplum]

It took a while gingerplum, I had a breast reduction last year as I thought that would make me happy, it did not. I am just happy now to be 12 stones.

Can I ask what you did to lose 55 POUNDS.

Excellent point; sometimes what we think will make us happy does not. Still, I'm totally going to PM you about your surgery!

 

[Boochky]

For those looking to lose weight, I lost 100 on ideal protein in a year. The food is actually pretty good. Expensive though, but once you learn the ropes, it's a little less on eBay.

 

[blanketyblk]

It took a while gingerplum, I had a breast reduction last year as I thought that would make me happy, it did not. I am just happy now to be 12 stones.

Can I ask what you did to lose 55 POUNDS.

I second that.

I simply have those diet shakes (meal replacement things) twice a day and have small bowel of rice and tuna for dinner. i keep my calorie intake under 1400 cals a day. i also walk around 6 miles a day (to and from the gym) i also spend around an hour at the gym a day. doing cardio 4 days a week and then weights 3 days a week. and a home i have a rowing machines which i do around 50 minutes a day on.

again it a lot of exercise, but since i have nothing else in my life right now it ok for me.. but this i not for everyone

 

[erehbus]

Am at 250 pound atm - I've been always the fat kid and thought I did not mind much. Found out this week my GF has cheated, and suddenly this is a really big deal for me - I just got much more self councious about my body.

 

[lovemelovemenot]

Oh most definetly. I grew up in a family that's overweight as it is. My parents would say a walk across the parking lot is a workout, or ramen is a healthy snack. My enviroment combined with dealing with depression young and not giving a damn, I ended up hitting my heaviest weight of 300 lbs only in highschool. I've lost 120 lbs since then and while it did make me happier for awhile in some ways, there's still just so many underlying issues. And dealing with loose skin honestly sucks more than just being overweight sometimes. I feel like I worked super hard to like who I am and I look at myself in the mirror and still feel just as ugly and worthless.

 

[Hexen]

Its achievable trust me. The easiest thing you can do is change diet. Dont eat trash food, eat for example chicken and vegetables. Dont eat chips and what not. Once in a while eat something sugary for energy. You have to discipline yourself. I had the same issue whn I was a teen but I was determined to lose weight and I did.

 

[stellabelle]

I'm throwing this out there - I have a huge draw to CTB. I'm hanging on for a while (as much as I can) due to my kids and me not wanting them to grow up without a father. I know, even if I CTB'd now, they'd be financially taken care of and my wife would still be around.

My main reason for wanting to CTB is very elaborate and a bit more of a personal conversation. But a huge contributing factor for me is my weight gain - I'm approaching 250 lbs now, and have a huge problem with eating / drinking. So, rather than doing something about it, I'm simply putting more blame on myself for not having more self-control..

I think, though, if I lost weight, it would help with my depression. It wouldn't fix my main problem, but could make things a bit better for me. Let me hang on a little longer.

Does anyone else feel their weight (one way or another) negatively impacts your mental health?

Yes, I feel like my weight contributes to my overall state of mind. When I look in the mirror and I'm sick and bloated I look huge and disgusting and feel so unattractive. I don't get dressed very often because it's easier to hide under sweats and sweatshirts. I seldom put makeup on. I've been fluctuating up and down but haven't reached my goal weight to fit into all of my nice clothes...I feel like I'd be happier back at that size. But I still want to quietly drift away when I lay down at night. Sometimes things just seem so unbearable and difficult and I'm not sure how to make it through.

 

[Freetodie]

Weight gain just added on to my depression. When I got depressed, I started binge eating. Not really caring about how much I was eating. Once I gained 50 pounds, I hated myself even more. Losing weight while being depressed is even harder. But I think if I was to get back to my ideal weight I'd be less depressed. But it's hard to say

 

[snorli]

I was overweight as a kid and bullied relentlessly by other kids and scorned by my mom. Lost the weight at age 9-10 and became anorexic/ocd about food. Sort of liked my body until puberty hit me and I grew these monstrous breasts and got back to a "normal" weight. Now I'm underweight again and have undergone breast reduction surgery, but I still hate the way my body looks.

On a more positive side, I have learned to like (some) of the things my body can *do*; hula hooping, drawing, typing (a weird obsession of mine), gentle exercise, cuddling .

 

[Sweet emotion]

I'm throwing this out there - I have a huge draw to CTB. I'm hanging on for a while (as much as I can) due to my kids and me not wanting them to grow up without a father. I know, even if I CTB'd now, they'd be financially taken care of and my wife would still be around.

My main reason for wanting to CTB is very elaborate and a bit more of a personal conversation. But a huge contributing factor for me is my weight gain - I'm approaching 250 lbs now, and have a huge problem with eating / drinking. So, rather than doing something about it, I'm simply putting more blame on myself for not having more self-control..

I think, though, if I lost weight, it would help with my depression. It wouldn't fix my main problem, but could make things a bit better for me. Let me hang on a little longer.

Does anyone else feel their weight (one way or another) negatively impacts your mental health?

250 pounds is overweight but you can lose that weight and stop drinking if you want to commit to it? Is that your o ky reason for wanting to die? Because you're overweight? And I know people think drinking helps their mental help because it's an escape but when you're not drunk anymore you probably feel teens times worse. I'm not a drinker so I don't know. But you don't want to have to be on the waiting list for a liver transplant. This is definitely something you can control. I love to eat. I'm Italian so it comes with the territory. Over the past 14 years of being physically ill, eating was the only think that gave me comfort. Plus all the meds j was on made me gain weight. I recently lost 60 pounds. So you can do it. You just have to be committed to the diet. I wasn't even able to work out and I lost that much.

 

[TowerUpright]

250 pounds is overweight but you can lose that weight and stop drinking if you want to commit to it? Is that your o ky reason for wanting to die? Because you're overweight? And I know people think drinking helps their mental help because it's an escape but when you're not drunk anymore you probably feel teens times worse. I'm not a drinker so I don't know. But you don't want to have to be on the waiting list for a liver transplant. This is definitely something you can control. I love to eat. I'm Italian so it comes with the territory. Over the past 14 years of being physically ill, eating was the only think that gave me comfort. Plus all the meds j was on made me gain weight. I recently lost 60 pounds. So you can do it. You just have to be committed to the diet. I wasn't even able to work out and I lost that much.

It's not the reason I want to CTB, but it's a contributing factor. Fact is, even if I was 150 lbs, id likely still want to CTB. Not certain ( I don't know what impact it would have on my neurochemistry), but the main factor is still there.

 

[snorli]

It's not the reason I want to CTB, but it's a contributing factor. Fact is, even if I was 150 lbs, id likely still want to CTB. Not certain ( I don't know what impact it would have on my neurochemistry), but the main factor is still there.

Working out (doesn't really matter if it's crossfit or playing with a hacky sack) might help you appreciate the things your body can *do*. It works for me at times.

 

[CursedForDisaster]

I've been addicted to porn since I was 11 and have seen things no one should see, being ashamed and locked away from the world for cheap, lonely thrills got me here. I've been completely dissolved of my social life and stripped of my motivations. I feel useless and unknowingly unwanted, if only people knew I was a monster then maybe they'd stop expecting so much out of me

 

[Final Escape]

I've been addicted to porn since I was 11 and have seen things no one should see, being ashamed and locked away from the world for cheap, lonely thrills got me here. I've been completely dissolved of my social life and stripped of my motivations. I feel useless and unknowingly unwanted, if only people knew I was a monster then maybe they'd stop expecting so much out of me

Wow! I think sex and porn addictions are the most destructive from personal experience. I can understand the shame being overweight must feel like, but often most moderately overweight people I meet still seem to have fulfilling lives, marriages, kids. If you are promiscuous, sex addict, or porn addict, you tend to wind up alone, isolated, and it's very frowned upon and unacceptable. I don't mean to trivialize the seriousness of obesity because that can seriously reduce quality of life as well.