i hate the mentality that suicidal or depressed people are "woke" or NPCs, to me it just seems like a way to look down on people who want to live their lives and are not bothered by existential thoughts.
the NPC mentality is specially bad, highly hypocritical and demeaning. it also begs the question, who's more of an npc? the ones who want to live their lives and continue through the hardships or the ones who can't cope with any of it and have the constant thought of suicide so ingrained in their minds that it might as well be a line of code.
why not just accept that you see life this way because of how it turned out for you? your situations, illnesses, and reality shape the way you see it, but there is not an objective way of seeing the whole picture, there is no waking up to the matrix. "normal" people have existential thoughts from time to time but they either choose to ignore them or simply don't think too hard about them because they have ways to cope with their reality, call them delusions or sheep behavior, but at least they are living with hope, in the end everyone dies one way or the other, but they have the right to think about life in a good way.
i wish that i could live the same way as normal people, believing that life has a meaning and there is more to this world than just my pain, but i know that this life can be very beautiful for some, it just wasn't that way for me because of things that i couldn't control.