Venting We are stronger than we think we are!

[dontwakemeup]

I want to tell anyone reading this, we are all stronger than what we probably see ourselves. Everyday we have to make a decision to continue existing or plan another eescape. We are strong beautiful people who just want to rest forever. We aren't broken, people may not understand us and it doesn't matter, we are done explaining. Nobody will ever understand the amount of strength and endurance for us to wake up and continue existing.
I hope everyone can find something that makes them smile today, if it's only for a moment. My favorite saying is, "I can't live forever," we are almost done, 1 less day!

 

[divinemistress36]

I don't want to be strong

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I don't want to be strong

this part.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I don't want to be strong

Me neither. I want to be dead.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

If was stronger, I would have found a way to CTB by now.

 

[pariah80]

I want to be strong enough to pull the trigger. I love your post, though.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I wish I was strong enough to have been successful on my last attempts! I don't want to be here either..I want out

 

[GoSan1]

Its always strength that is combined with life... its so weird. I even tell myself I am strong for living so long and I deserve to go now, but strength does not save you, it just makes you better, but that also depends on what kind of strenght we are talking about... I don't like this topic. ill stop yapping

 

[dontwakemeup]

Its always strength that is combined with life... its so weird. I even tell myself I am strong for living so long and I deserve to go now, but strength does not save you, it just makes you better, but that also depends on what kind of strenght we are talking about... I don't like this topic. ill stop yapping

I was simply saying it's takes a lot of strength for us to get up everyday and continue living when we clearly don't want to be here! Knowing everyday will be miserable and yet we still keep going! I definitely don't want to be here but after so many attempts, I've finally given up and waiting everyday to die. It takes a lot of strength to go to work and pretend to be happy. That's all I was saying. Don't mind me I'm just waiting for my 1st round of sleeping pills to take over, I don't have to fake it today.

 

[GoSan1]

I was simply saying it's takes a lot of strength for us to get up everyday and continue living when we clearly don't want to be here! Knowing everyday will be miserable and yet we still keep going! I definitely don't want to be here but after so many attempts, I've finally given up and waiting everyday to die. It takes a lot of strength to go to work and pretend to be happy. That's all I was saying. Don't mind me I'm just waiting for my 1st round of sleeping pills to take over, I don't have to fake it today.

Oh i wasn't trying to come off rude or against you! I was just lost in that thought, but now that you mention it, I think this whole thing is so weird. You see, if we suffer, wouldn't it be true strength to take action and end all that pain? (by ctb or whatever) But even in going for ctb I see no strength, not even in living yet suffering. The only strength I see in myself is staying true to my dreams and wishes, and still being myself. I was slowly losing sanity but now that I'm going for the end, I regained most of it and gotten so calm, maybe you know what I mean... But I don't think I ever saw what it means to truly be strong...

**Edit: nvm, my mother is quiet strong, I have seen strength, but even that is weird... AHHH what have I gotten myself into...**

 

[theolivanderroach]

I'm going to be strong enough to ctb :D

 

[rozeske]

I wish I wasn't. It only made me suffer for longer without breaking.

 

[maniac116]

I want to tell anyone reading this, we are all stronger than what we probably see ourselves. Everyday we have to make a decision to continue existing or plan another eescape. We are strong beautiful people who just want to rest forever. We aren't broken, people may not understand us and it doesn't matter, we are done explaining. Nobody will ever understand the amount of strength and endurance for us to wake up and continue existing.
I hope everyone can find something that makes them smile today, if it's only for a moment. My favorite saying is, "I can't live forever," we are almost done, 1 less day!

I couldn't agree more

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

It would take strength for me to face my problems, strength that I no longer have. Death to me feels like a cop out but that will be my choice. I have no strength and God hasn't helped me overcome.

 

[swankysoup]

I think strength should ideally be proportional to your opportunities, being strong in a healthy environment leads to a great life. But being strong and stuck in a shitty place is kinda unhinged. Idk i'm not even very strong, just weird lol. But i appreciate your post though.

 

[AnderDethsky]

As a person who keeps two helium cylinders with all the necessary connectors at home, and more recently also with 1 kg SN, its very difficult for me to talk about my some strength based only on the fact that I am still alive. I would say: all is quite the opposite.

 

[Thisisnotaname]

I think I am stronger than I am.

I hope it's only for my case

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I wish I wasn't. It only made me suffer for longer without breaking.

Same. It's undoubtedly 100 percent strength that kept me here. An inner battler, persevering against all odds. I'm a goddamn lifetime movie. Plus my mask is spectacular, took me years to nail it - everyone believes it. Sometimes I wonder who that bitch is - everyone else is so sure she's a ray of sunshine, I couldn't think of anything worse than people knowing I'm not a sunny, happy, physically well, untraumatised person. I spew my guts out here, but IRL, I'm always the happiest person in the room. Meanwhile, the people I've known IRL who CTB'd were also the happiest people in the room. People either don't learn or choose not to see. Either / either. I know deep down, my SI is tied up with my competitive nature. I know it. My "thinking" brain doesn't like the idea of losing, failing to see that for me, catching my bus is winning. A battle with oneself is pointless, but I'm too tired & powerless to battle anyone else. Maybe I can just wear myself down… Convince my brain that the bus is the prize.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I want to tell anyone reading this, we are all stronger than what we probably see ourselves. Everyday we have to make a decision to continue existing or plan another eescape. We are strong beautiful people who just want to rest forever. We aren't broken, people may not understand us and it doesn't matter, we are done explaining. Nobody will ever understand the amount of strength and endurance for us to wake up and continue existing.
I hope everyone can find something that makes them smile today, if it's only for a moment. My favorite saying is, "I can't live forever," we are almost done, 1 less day!

I'm not strong nor do I want to be. All I want is to be dead so that I won't suffer in existence any longer. I have no desire to be strong because, honestly, it's pointless and futile. Also, I'm not making a decision to continue existing or to ctb, I am forced to stay alive because I can't access a suicide method and I'm terrified of the risks of a failed suicide attempt. You are right about us not being broken though. It's existence that's broken, not me