Help Ways to warn loved ones without giving yourself away?

[trynacbt]

This is kind of a crazy question and maybe it's stupid to even try, but I've kind of been doing this with my ex+best friend over the past couple of days: making it clear that I am not in a good mental state, asking philosophical questions about suicide, talking about my negative self-image, etc. in hopes that the eventual blow might be cushioned somewhat. Along the way he's asked me multiple times if I am planning to hurt myself and I've continued to say no (because I can't let him stop me), so I recognize I am essentially lying but I am trying to do what I can to show him that I am not O.K. , not to be saved but in the hopes that it all makes more sense to him in the end.

Either way, I'll be leaving a letter explaining everything, which I hope will be helpful, but at this point he is telling me he still sees a future with me and it's breaking my heart because I love him more than anything but I can't keep going.

Anybody else find themselves in a situation like this? How to make things even a shred more O.K. by being open about the suffering you are experiencing?

Thank you for coming to my painfully personal TED Talk.

 

[Moon Flower]

I'm kind of doing this with my s/o. I'm always "joking" that my suicide is inevitable and I've had quite a lot of "We should talk about what we want done when we die" conversations with him.

 

[Stan]

You are kind of dancing on thin ice tbh. If you make noises like that then they may become more nervous and observant of what you are doing. In the short run it is going to be a shock for them, that is what we all have to live with. Just make sure that your note is heartfelt and explains the reason and that there was nothing they could have done to prevent it.

 

[Misanthrope]

You can't without risking an interventionist response. The more you insinuate the more worry will grow and they will wrestle with intervening even if it may upset you. Then will likely decide it is worth it if they value you because in their minds we are all fixable and they want a good life for us. They will likely look back on this insinuating and wish they had responded sooner and will probably take it to a place of self blame because it will just appear like you are asking for help and they failed to notice that. It is like not wanting the fire service to come while standing out front your house shouting my house is on fire to the neighbours.

 

[LittleJem]

Tricky one. I've told my friends and family and BF that I don't want to endure much more of living with my mental illness. I have wanted everyone to know that it is my choice and my right to take my own life, and that I cannot bear this suffering much longer. But I know that if I decide to CTB, no-one will be able to stop me. I'll get a hotel or go camping, and no one will stop me. If I thought people could stop me, I wouldn't tell them.

 

[trynacbt]

Thank you everyone. I know deep down that you are all correct. It's just me, preemptively full of regret, wanting to do the impossible.

 

[woxihuanni]

I've straight up told all my close friends.

 

[THCTemplar]

I have told my loved ones so much in the past they wouldn't believe me now. Probably just say do it already.

 

[GreyMonkey]

I've dropped a lot of hints to friends hoping to be noticed and helped by them, yet assuring enough to avoid psychiatric intervention.

Not many people have truly taken it. Honestly most of my friends seem fed up with me and I've become increasingly self ostrscised trying to extend my net of care (places to vent) even wider yet running out of that too. And hating that this is how I have used people... to try get them to help me hold my pain.