Caribbean Sky
Arcanist
- Apr 15, 2024
- 471
I have severe underlying illness, but I don't know what it is.
however, it could be slowly degrading my sanity.
ive already decided i want to die, long ago. it's set in stone.
but in case i lose my mind or are unable to ctb due to loss of capability then i want a method that starts killing me slowly as a backup.
i don't mind if it's painful. my illness is painful. unfortunately i don't know what it is and while i have hope, i can't bet on it killing me.
I know a disease or poison is probably what will do that. I saw on wikipedia HIV as a suicide method, but…no…and as a girl, how would I even…
I know this is very unusual. But I don't mind if it's painful. I don't mind how.
If I do lose the ability to ctb though i could be stuck suffering…for a very long time.
I already have 2 methods with me, sn or opioids.
So I need a back up plan in case it becomes too late.
Some info on my illness:
Fatigue and a deep pain throughout my body, feels like it's in my bones.
Starting to bruise constantly and get fevers too.
No doctor can say what it is. For some reason, I have gotten no positive tests. Though I've also never had a CT scan anywhere other than my head, and only blood tests, no smears.
occasional neurological symptoms, like temporary facial palsy and palsy in my arms.
Also moments where I will fall asleep for a very short time suddenly, and be confused when I wake up.
but recently, I have felt more and more confused and changes in my emotions and personality, including intense fear, and loss of reasoning and something else I can't put my finger on.
So I have reason to believe I could lose my capacity or sanity
however, it could be slowly degrading my sanity.
ive already decided i want to die, long ago. it's set in stone.
but in case i lose my mind or are unable to ctb due to loss of capability then i want a method that starts killing me slowly as a backup.
i don't mind if it's painful. my illness is painful. unfortunately i don't know what it is and while i have hope, i can't bet on it killing me.
I know a disease or poison is probably what will do that. I saw on wikipedia HIV as a suicide method, but…no…and as a girl, how would I even…
I know this is very unusual. But I don't mind if it's painful. I don't mind how.
If I do lose the ability to ctb though i could be stuck suffering…for a very long time.
I already have 2 methods with me, sn or opioids.
So I need a back up plan in case it becomes too late.
Some info on my illness:
Fatigue and a deep pain throughout my body, feels like it's in my bones.
Starting to bruise constantly and get fevers too.
No doctor can say what it is. For some reason, I have gotten no positive tests. Though I've also never had a CT scan anywhere other than my head, and only blood tests, no smears.
occasional neurological symptoms, like temporary facial palsy and palsy in my arms.
Also moments where I will fall asleep for a very short time suddenly, and be confused when I wake up.
but recently, I have felt more and more confused and changes in my emotions and personality, including intense fear, and loss of reasoning and something else I can't put my finger on.
So I have reason to believe I could lose my capacity or sanity
