I thought afterward about the words I used. I don't doubt that you respect me, but to try to guilt and shame me is not respectful treatment.
I will not label you, I make imperfect but great effort to not do that. I identify behaviors and actions. Respectfully, if you choose to, check out the manipulation tactics thread and see what moves you've used to defend your wish to have this thread on the suicide discussion forum. If you believe in what you're doing, manipulation is not required to support it. Attempting to make me feel bad about my actions is like trying to shoot arrows at my equally good heart, and I caught them and handed them back. Until I know of a different way that serves me better, that is how I am.
I recognize I am not always gentle, and that when I'm feeling pushed against, my words can leave marks; I have been working on the latter for awhile now as a next step in my growth, and I don't think I did that here, it's reserved for more serious stuff and you don't do that kind of stuff. I know I can be intimidating, though it's not intentional, and more than once I've recognized that you've been able to stand when others don't know how to deal with it. I dig and respect that you can. I remember when I once criticized something you were doing and you responded that was how you are, and so I recognized it was on me to accept you as you are because you were not motivated to change. I did accept it, and never brought up the issue again, because if I did, it would have been an attempt to control you. You said who you were and how you were, and I made the conscious effort to follow my own guidelines and accepted your autonomy and right to be you, separate from me.
I know that with you I can say, "Dude, what's up with this?" And I know we'll probably agree to disagree. But there is space for us to do that. I do not have nor make that space with everyone. With you, it has so far been safe and rewarding to do so. I respect you enough to say, whoa, tactics and rhetoric. I respect you enough to not name-call. And I feel safe to speak to you as I did, to say Oh please, and hand back the one-way ticket to Guiltsville with a welcome sign already prepared for my arrival that says Population: Me. I can eye-roll at you and know you won't get the hurt butt.
@GoodPersonEffed I'm not trying to guilt and shame you. I'm telling you how I feel. I wish there was a way where we could voice-chat, would be easier but I know it's not an option for you.
I'm not shaming, or trying to make you feel bad. I'm expressing that it felt hurtful, that you labelled me as a pro life person and painted me as a manipulator etc. I'm engaging with you with love and compassion. My post meant no harm to anyone, it wasn't an attempt at "oh just hang in there it gets better" because sometimes it gets worse and never gets better.
Can I ask if you watched the video? Do you see the point where Harvey milk talks about options and makes reference to suicide?
I've worked with organizations and volunteered and counselled lgbtq youth. I know of young people who killed themselves either because other people didn't accept them or because of their own internalized homophobia.
We all say to people here, it's ok to change your mind, and offering alternatives to ctb. Does that make a person pro life my friend
@GoodPersonEffed ? And I say my friend sincerely.
I'm not picking a fight, I hate that. You have no hate in your heart, I know.
I keep having to scroll up to address everything you've written and I hate doing that lol.
It's getting late and all I want to say is that you're still welcome at my suicide hotel once we're up and running. I appreciate you and respect you and enjoy your wit and sense of humour.
I felt (feelings) hurt when you reported my post as though I had done something terribly wrong. On your end, you may have felt like I was attacking your right to self determination, the bullshit we've all heard "it gets better etc..."
Fuck, I took my sleeping pills and they're kicking in. Anyways, I'm not pro life, I'm pro choice, I have my Sn, my Meto, charcoal, rope, haven't had an attempt yet but believe me, I'm with you and I'm on your side.
Can I finish with something silly? Just hang in there, life gets better! Lol
Hugs
Ps: I can't think str8 right now. Meds...