Well, I'm in a similar situation.
I too am wasting my youth by doing nothing. I don't develop at all and I vegetate.
It's a bit funny, because this fact makes me feel even worse, I want CTB even more... and I'm wasting my time even more.
The worst thing is that I turn into an empty shell... a pathetic situation.
I don't know how long you've had mental problems, but if you're thinking about the future, you need to start taking action now.
After some time it may be too late.
Unfortunately, it's easier said than done.
I'm a piece of shit who's given up, so I can't give you any advice because those words coming out of my mouth would be very funny.
I can only wish you good luck and don't follow my example. I'm weak, you're not necessarily weak.