Venting wasted my childhood and teenage "life" online, am 18 and unprepared for adult life

[anhedonic_moron]

i have wasted all of my childhood and teenage hood tucked away in my room, frying my fucking brains out on the computer. barely any friends, no romantic life, college or university is not feasible, am an imbecile through and through. university was something i looked out for since i do want to at least have a degree in linguistics or something but now am doomed forever to work 9 to 5, same repetitive task over and over whilst being on autopilot. barely no thought comes to mind. even then i constantly manage to find a way to ruin anything and everything somehow, am a net negative to everybody. point blank failure and a stupid dead weight.

tomorrow i got an appointment with the therapist but honestly i don't see if it will work at all

 

[kuroshimi]

I feel you.

I myself wasted all my childhood and teenage years on the computer, having no friends in real life, not entering into relationships. but I had no alternative cause without computer and internet my life would be even sadder.

Still managed to get to university though.

 

[boyafraid]

I know the felling way too well. Covid definetly did not help my situation. I was a freshman in high school, when I decided I was not going to be the quiet kid and spend most of my time playing videogames or doing bs on my computer. It worked out for the first semester but then Covid hit during spring break, and it wall went down hill. I think I made about 8 good friends that semester, and I lost them all because I ghosted them.

That's when I develop my mdd and suicidal ideation, and those two have been going strong for almost 7 years now lol. After I came back to school, never tried making friends again, and just kept spending most of my free time isolated in my room. During my last year, I had two girls flirt with me(Not saying this to brad) in a very obvious manner MULTIPLE times but my social skills were so horrendous that I lost my chance pretty quickly. So yeah I missed out on the teenage experience, and it hurts me deeply. Now I'm an adult. and have to do "adult" things which I hate. My time to mess around, and not take things seriously is gone forever and that cuts deep. My parents are both in labor jobs, barely making end meets, and getting old so I can't take the luxery to be all relax about things. After high school, there's been some people that could have become great friends, but I cut all of them off before it could get there(Can't tell you why, I think separation issues?) which hurts because I want more people in my life but when I have the chance I tend to do nothing with it.

Btw I hope your appointment tomorrow goes great (: