scary
find your own way to the Knife
- May 1, 2024
- 41
Growing up I was ostracized from everyone around me and was pretty much hated for absolutely no reason. I was very much the "weird kid" who sat alone at lunch (and I did) but for some reason people just have it in their minds to just automatically despise my existence. Its hard for me to explain but I'm just so... hateable, and I don't know why. I'm quiet and keep to myself, I don't do anything, but as soon as I try to talk to someone I can just tell they're already sick of me. I barely had any long lasting friends growing up because of this. Maybe its the autism, maybe it's because I truly deserve to be hated, I don't know but I gave up on trying to connect with people. What's the point if I'm just gonna get rejected for reasons I'll never understand.
I just feel like the entire universe is against me. I have mental and physical problems that unfortunately can never be cured on top of just being a worthless piece of human existence in God's eyes. I never had a 'life'. Why was I even created if I have things stopping me from doing the things that I dream of doing?
I really do just want to die, believe me, but it's just so needlessly hard and frankly I'm scared. I'm scared of the methods, I'm scared of getting caught and ending up in the hospital even more disabled, I'm scared of what's on the other side. Every waking moment is like purgatory to me, just watching other people be happy and live their lives while I'm stuck here waiting for it to finally be my turn.
I'm so tired, mentally and physically. If vsed took less days that'd be my way out, but of course I can't push through that. I can't do anything, why can't I just do one thing right? Hanging sounds terrifying, vsed is just a strain on your SI, I can't burn charcoal.
When can I finally be free, please, it's all that I want. I don't care about going to college or even finding love, I just want all of this to end for good.
I just feel like the entire universe is against me. I have mental and physical problems that unfortunately can never be cured on top of just being a worthless piece of human existence in God's eyes. I never had a 'life'. Why was I even created if I have things stopping me from doing the things that I dream of doing?
I really do just want to die, believe me, but it's just so needlessly hard and frankly I'm scared. I'm scared of the methods, I'm scared of getting caught and ending up in the hospital even more disabled, I'm scared of what's on the other side. Every waking moment is like purgatory to me, just watching other people be happy and live their lives while I'm stuck here waiting for it to finally be my turn.
I'm so tired, mentally and physically. If vsed took less days that'd be my way out, but of course I can't push through that. I can't do anything, why can't I just do one thing right? Hanging sounds terrifying, vsed is just a strain on your SI, I can't burn charcoal.
When can I finally be free, please, it's all that I want. I don't care about going to college or even finding love, I just want all of this to end for good.
