Venting Was on hold for nearly two hours for legal aid, got asked if I'm suicidal.

[Midnight-rain]

Title. I feel more and more ready to ctb as the days go on. Want to leave as "cleanly" and as organized as possible. Need to make sure my parents have no say in how my remains are handled.

After work I called a legal aid number. I stayed on hold for almost two hours. Sidenote I wish hold music cycled through different tracks so I don't lose my remaining sanity hearing it on loop. Anyways the woman is taking my info down to see if I can be helped by them. She asks me for my DOB. I reluctantly tell her. I won't say how old I am, but I'll say I'm in my 20s.

The call ends and a few minutes later I am getting called back from them.
(Paraphrasing) "So I ask this because of your age since you're asking for a will. Are you having thoughts of suicide? Would you like to speak with our social worker?"

Ah yes ma'am I absolutely want to rat myself out and lose any chance of getting aid! Why wouldn't I want to be badgered about how I am oh so irrational and delusional once more by someone who is newly equipped with my address and phone number! Sounds like a perfect plan to me!!!

For a millisecond I considered getting angry. Why the fuck does it matter? Spoiler: it doesn't. Even if I wasn't suicidal it's always good to be prepared. And if I had spoken to the social worker it wouldn't have magically fixed my problems or reasons to ctb. If that were the case, no one would be suicidal.

Suicide is my self-care. The end to all my pain. There's nothing wrong with that.

With all my might I remained calm.
I said, "No."
I've never been a good liar. I hope I sounded convincing.

The best part is I still don't know if I qualify, so definitely gonna stress about that too.

I wish suicide was socially acceptable. I am not a freak.

 

[TraurigerClown]

I know how this feels. Calling someone to may get some relief and then those insane studendous music, long waiting and after all this: Some Braindead Person in the line with stupid questions and ready to refuse any aid or help....

I know it wont really help you, but i send you a big hug

 

[Midnight-rain]

I know how this feels. Calling someone to may get some relief and then those insane studendous music, long waiting and after all this: Some Braindead Person in the line with stupid questions and ready to refuse any aid or help....

I know it wont really help you, but i send you a big hug

While I waited I actually dozed off. Grateful at least that I was awake when she picked up. The obstacles one must go through to live and die how they wish...it's saddening. If I'm calling an establishment to make things official I shouldn't get pushback. And I'll always appreciate a hug, thank you very much.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

No one is too young for estate planning. Death occurs to everyone regardless of age, and incapacitation can happen in the blink of an eye. In fact, preparing for one's affairs is one of the most intelligent, wise, responsible, practical, and mature actions to undertake. That woman was the real fool!

It reminds of an article stating the "tackiness" of writing one's obituary. What on earth is wrong about voicing your final statements, and saving anyone the trouble of dredging up details about your life? Utterly ridiculous!

I hope you can get some competent, good quality legal aid for your estate planning.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such a frustrating experience, and I think that people like the one you contacted are the ones who are deluded instead. It's just so insane to me when clearly non suicidal people push the idea of 'just talking to someone' as a way to solve problems and remove suffering, I just think that doing such a thing would only make things worse anyway. People should just accept the fact that some people simply just want to die, death is the most normal and expected thing ever after all so there shouldn't be any stigma around choosing to voluntarily exit.

And anyway continuing to exist could only ever be delaying the inevitable after all. But yes, I also see suicide as being self care, I believe that it would be the kindest thing to do to myself, as to die instantly solves all of life's problems and I see non existence as being so ideal, I'm tired of this pro suffering society that treats people who simply want to die so badly.

 

[Midnight-rain]

No one is too young for estate planning. Death occurs to everyone regardless of age, and incapacitation can happen in the blink of an eye. In fact, preparing for one's affairs is one of the most intelligent, wise, responsible, practical, and mature actions to undertake. That woman was the real fool!

It reminds of an article stating the "tackiness" of writing one's obituary. What on earth is wrong about voicing your final statements, and saving anyone the trouble of dredging up details about your life? Utterly ridiculous!

I hope you can get some competent, good quality legal aid for your estate planning.

Exactly my thoughts. Death can come at any time. No one is guaranteed a long life, and I know I don't want one. I was secretly hoping she would applaud me for taking the step to be organized for the end. Too many people never do or get to prepare.

I hope I can be assisted as well. It's the only thing keeping me alive anymore. I don't want my suicide to look impulsive but people will think that anyway due to their own misconceptions.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I made a will in my early 20's. I was suicidal- although- honestly had little intention to go ahead with it at that point. It was more that my Mum died young. Didn't seem impossible that I wouldn't too. Plus- I had inheritance money at that point. I had extended family who had been so kind to me and some step relations that hadn't! I wanted my will to refect that. Of course, time has marched on now. I haven't died (unfortunately) but some of the people in the original will have- so- I made a new one recently.

Anyway- that's what I would say- if they happen to ask again: either a relative or friend you know has died young and it made you consider getting your affairs in order now. Bottom line- they just want your money and your business! They probably won't even ask you again.

 

[Midnight-rain]

That sounds like such a frustrating experience, and I think that people like the one you contacted are the ones who are deluded instead. It's just so insane to me when clearly non suicidal people push the idea of 'just talking to someone' as a way to solve problems and remove suffering, I just think that doing such a thing would only make things worse anyway. People should just accept the fact that some people simply just want to die, death is the most normal and expected thing ever after all so there shouldn't be any stigma around choosing to voluntarily exit.

And anyway continuing to exist could only ever be delaying the inevitable after all. But yes, I also see suicide as being self care, I believe that it would be the kindest thing to do to myself, as to die instantly solves all of life's problems and I see non existence as being so ideal, I'm tired of this pro suffering society that treats people who simply want to die so badly.

It was frustrating. My heart froze when I processed what she asked and all the things that could go wrong if I was honest flashed through my mind. Many of my problems and reasons that have driven me to ctb can't be fixed or if they can, a social worker won't know how to help me get there. I literally had a LPC recently exasperatedly tell me with her hands up, "You tried medication, it didn't work. Therapy isn't helping. I don't know what to tell you." Wow thanks that's your job, to know what to tell me!

After I die, I remove the opportunity of anyone else hurting me. Of anyone else abandoning me. No more heartbreak, no more betrayal, no more lies. When the people who society instructs you to turn to when you're down either can't or don't want to help you up, what does that say? It says they never cared. It just means they can shrug their shoulders after the fact and claim, "Well, we tried."

Life indeed would be easier if more individuals accepted our decision.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with legal aid and what not. I had a similar thing many years ago (like over 5 years ago) when I contacted a law firm in hoping to get some benefits and welfare (not related to CTB of course). In my case, I was in person at the law firm I was inquiring about help to get me benefits, then after describing my situation, one of the lawyers (or at least their aide) recommended counseling and therapy after learning about my condition (autism/Aspergers), which was rather dismissive. After a bit of derailing by them, I went back on topic, on case, and after about an hour or so at their office, they told me they would contact me to notify me (within a business day) whether they could help me on my case. They didn't for a day or more... and I had to call them to find the answer, which of course, is that they cannot and would not be able to take my case...

Hearing stories like these only reinforce my lack of confidence in the legal system and cements my will towards CTB'ing. Anyways, I'm sorry to hear about your experiences and indeed, life would be easier if people accepted and respected our decision (to CTB or at least die on our own terms).