Was gonna attempt today but it got thrown off..

[everlastinghistory]

2 years ago I wrote my birthday, and todays date, with zero context in my journal. I figured it meant I was going to die today, because what else could it mean?

Well, I was considering trying to commit and just when I was about to come on this site my mom sent me a text asking if I was okay. I have no clue why considering she doesn't usually do that. But she did.

Now it kind of feels like a sign that I shouldn't do it tonight even though everything else has made it feel like I should.

Idk I have very mixed feelings about this now. Especially since the girl I've been complaining for ages blocked me briefly unblocked me earlier and that cheered me up for a little while. I was genuinely okay and happy for a fair amount of today. I don't know why I suddenly feel like I have to do this tonight, or should do it tonight.

I feel like the universe or whatever controls the world is giving me mixed signals now. First that journal said I was meant to die today, everything was going wrong in my life leading up to today, I was ready to do it today… Now suddenly that girl talked to me again (even if only briefly), and my mom is randomly concerned when she never has been before in my entire life?

It just seems odd, and confusing.

 

[deadhead12!]

sometimes we listen to the signs of the universe.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that after all, only you know when it's the right time to leave this world, but anyway I wish you the best. I think that it's difficult setting a date for ctb in advance as after all, life is uncertain and unpredictable.