Venting Wanting to tell someone

[reverse03]

I am planning to ctb on October 16. I am taking SN route and already have a plan in my mind.
I am also counting down my days in my IG story with just random pics but mostly night sky. Every time I see people opened my story I just want them to ask me what it is for or just ask how I am. But no one does. It just shows that I am only existing because of my obligations. They know I am suicidal and already put in ward last month but no one still cares.
October 16, a big event in the afternoon where I have a major role. After that I am dead. Hoping that I will not fail or survive from it.

 

[lonelygirl111]

im so sorry that no one seems to notice or care even though they can likely guess what your posts mean. i hope one of them reaches out to you, asks you what it's for, and how you are. you don't deserve to feel alone. i too have posted things for my own reasons but also in hopes that someone would care enough to want to know if i'm okay or not. no one said anything to me either. people can be so cold most times or just too focused on themselves to realize what's going on with the people around them. regardless of if those silly people acknowledge you or not, i hope you find peace in your decision and until october 16th i hope you continue to post on here so you can talk freely about your feelings and plans.

 

[Zegers]

If your reason for living is to people care about you (aside good family and genuine friends) then you're screwed. They won't. It's a hard pill to swallow but under the "im busy" the fact is most people are just self-centered, they want attention for sure but don't give any attention back.

Godspeed

 

[Cerulea]

I am planning to ctb on October 16. I am taking SN route and already have a plan in my mind.
I am also counting down my days in my IG story with just random pics but mostly night sky. Every time I see people opened my story I just want them to ask me what it is for or just ask how I am. But no one does. It just shows that I am only existing because of my obligations. They know I am suicidal and already put in ward last month but no one still cares.
October 16, a big event in the afternoon where I have a major role. After that I am dead. Hoping that I will not fail or survive from it.

I certainly am not one of your friends, nor do I see you IG stories, but I am interested.

What are those posts for? What does that imagery represent to you?

How are you doing? How would you give more detail to describing the thoughts and feelings you are having?

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

As time has gone on I've come to rely on people less and less and basically not expect anything. Can't say others are aware of my situation like they are with yours nor does it seem as dire.

I still say, if you have something to say, just say it, especially here. Maybe more likely someone lurking around these parts will understand better. I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[makethepainstop]

I am not super intelligent, I wish I could do something to help you. Unfortunately I'm too damn dumb to figure out what I can do. So please don't think that I don't care, I'm just simply not smart enough to help,not uncaring, but as I am dumb of ass. Love and a bid strong 5 minute hug to you.

 

[reverse03]

What are those posts for? What does that imagery represent to you?

How are you doing? How would you give more detail to describing the thoughts and feelings you are having?

My post are just for my reminder and remembrance for this world. Maybe it is also a cry for help. I have still small hope that things will get better. But every thing that I do it will always backfire and put me 4 steps back. 1 step forward, 4 steps backward. Every time I want to connect to someone, it only pushes them away. No hope on fixing things. I am just tired. No more motivation to do things. Sleeping for 14+ hours a day.

Those imagery is just representation that I am in these dark side of life and no light. I am done looking for light since every light I found only became a flase light.

I feel want to die right now. I maybe will not finished the countdown. That obligation is what only holding me back. I might go tonight but I already ate dinner and I might just throw up SN if I go tonight. I kust wakt to die.
3 people just told me they are tired seeing my countdown story and they block me. Not really surprising but damn it hurts. I am just glad that something can still hurt me and made me feel alive even for a few seconds.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Who cares if self-involved, unfeeling people block you? Who cares? Do what works for you. CTB is only about you.

 

[freedompass]

I've never used Instagram myself but I imagine it might not be the most fertile place to seek support in your darkest hours. Are you not a bit afraid of all the 'followers' knowing when you plan to ctb? I'm really sorry that you feel so hopeless right now. I've been on the psych ward myself so many times and struggled even more after being discharged. Nowadays I am happier and more stable, I never want to have to go back there. Wishing you courage and strength whatever you decide to do.

 

[Tarantula Girl]

That's how life and social media goes with me too. Ever since me and my husband lost are 2 boys, everyone that had always been involved with us just faded from our lives. Got to a point that i don't go on any social media sites anymore. It helped ease some negativity in my life but over time i get bouts of sadness that the only person i can talk to in my life is my husband. Everyone else on cares about their lives.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do feel like many people only care about what directly affects themselves. That is just the way that people are. People can be selfish and cruel. I know that it's dreadful when life just gets worse and I understand feeling tired of everything. It really is such a depressing existence. I wish you peace.