Venting Wanting to die even though life seems okay?

[rougarou]

I've been thinking this a lot lately. I think if someone else were in my life, in my shoes, maybe they would be okay- but my life isn't what I want for me... but does that validate or invalidate my desire to die?

My job is fine. It doesn't make me miserable. The pay could be better but it's enough to get by, with a little struggle here and there.

I live in an apartment with my fiancee of 5 years. She is so kind and supportive and she loves me so much.

I have great friends, they'd do a lot for me and I know they care about me.

My family is. Okay. I don't need to see them all that much. And it's fine.

But im just so unhappy. I'm unhappy because I don't have the money to live comfortably and experience all of what life has to offer. I'm unhappy because I have severe dysmorphia and dysohoria. No amount of HRT could make me look the right way for me.

I'm unhappy because I have BPD and my FP (my best friend) does love me dearly, but not as intensely as I love them, they have a gf- and I don't think she could ever love them the amount that I do.

I'm unhappy because I was saddled with trauma and mental illnesses that make being normal impossible. And I'm unhappy because society is genuinely conspiring against me and getting worse and worse, I am terrified of the next US election and what it could mean for my safety. I just feel so alone and unheard despite my support system. I feel like no one truly understands me.

But even though I have a great therapist and take medication, more than most people... it's just not enough. I think I'll just never be happy... does this not prove the right to die should be inherently allowed, because sometimes circumstances just don't matter?

My cat is my very closest and most meaningful friend, he loves me unconditionally and makes me happy, and he needs me. But I know he can't be with me forever. I think once that happens I'll finally be completely motivated.

I can only imagine... does it feel like this for others, too?

 

[Deathisbetter]

I've been thinking this a lot lately. I think if someone else were in my life, in my shoes, maybe they would be okay- but my life isn't what I want for me... but does that validate or invalidate my desire to die?

My job is fine. It doesn't make me miserable. The pay could be better but it's enough to get by, with a little struggle here and there.

I live in an apartment with my fiancee of 5 years. She is so kind and supportive and she loves me so much.

I have great friends, they'd do a lot for me and I know they care about me.

My family is. Okay. I don't need to see them all that much. And it's fine.

But im just so unhappy. I'm unhappy because I don't have the money to live comfortably and experience all of what life has to offer. I'm unhappy because I have severe dysmorphia and dysohoria. No amount of HRT could make me look the right way for me.

I'm unhappy because I have BPD and my FP (my best friend) does love me dearly, but not as intensely as I love them, they have a gf- and I don't think she could ever love them the amount that I do.

I'm unhappy because I was saddled with trauma and mental illnesses that make being normal impossible. And I'm unhappy because society is genuinely conspiring against me and getting worse and worse, I am terrified of the next US election and what it could mean for my safety. I just feel so alone and unheard despite my support system. I feel like no one truly understands me.

But even though I have a great therapist and take medication, more than most people... it's just not enough. I think I'll just never be happy... does this not prove the right to die should be inherently allowed, because sometimes circumstances just don't matter?

My cat is my very closest and most meaningful friend, he loves me unconditionally and makes me happy, and he needs me. But I know he can't be with me forever. I think once that happens I'll finally be completely motivated.

I can only imagine... does it feel like this foe others, too?

Yup feel this right now

I've been thinking this a lot lately. I think if someone else were in my life, in my shoes, maybe they would be okay- but my life isn't what I want for me... but does that validate or invalidate my desire to die?

My job is fine. It doesn't make me miserable. The pay could be better but it's enough to get by, with a little struggle here and there.

I live in an apartment with my fiancee of 5 years. She is so kind and supportive and she loves me so much.

I have great friends, they'd do a lot for me and I know they care about me.

My family is. Okay. I don't need to see them all that much. And it's fine.

But im just so unhappy. I'm unhappy because I don't have the money to live comfortably and experience all of what life has to offer. I'm unhappy because I have severe dysmorphia and dysohoria. No amount of HRT could make me look the right way for me.

I'm unhappy because I have BPD and my FP (my best friend) does love me dearly, but not as intensely as I love them, they have a gf- and I don't think she could ever love them the amount that I do.

I'm unhappy because I was saddled with trauma and mental illnesses that make being normal impossible. And I'm unhappy because society is genuinely conspiring against me and getting worse and worse, I am terrified of the next US election and what it could mean for my safety. I just feel so alone and unheard despite my support system. I feel like no one truly understands me.

But even though I have a great therapist and take medication, more than most people... it's just not enough. I think I'll just never be happy... does this not prove the right to die should be inherently allowed, because sometimes circumstances just don't matter?

My cat is my very closest and most meaningful friend, he loves me unconditionally and makes me happy, and he needs me. But I know he can't be with me forever. I think once that happens I'll finally be completely motivated.

I can only imagine... does it feel like this foe others, too?

I have an ok life am privileged but still want to die intensely I have autism extreme trauma and just hate life with a passion I tried SN but fucked it up cause I didn't measure it properly :/

 

[Fktw0rld]

I get those thoughts every once in a while also. Then I realize it's just another form of SI telling me everything is ok and can be worked out. But in reality, everything is not ok and can't be worked out.

For myself atleast.

 

[unfortunatelyhere]

I feel exactly the same way. I've had no major hardship in my life or any significant trauma, but my life and living seems pointless

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think this is something we are all encouraged to think from a young age. That we have it easy in comparison to others- in comparison to our ancestors, to those who are poorer. I think it's a device parents especially use to stop us complaining and to try and motivate us to do things we probably don't want to do. Maybe every generation puts all these expectations on the next.

It's a weird concept though. That we should all be the same. We should all have unwavering motivation to succeed and be happy and those with comparitively easy lives SHOULD be the happiest of all. It just completely ignores individual experience though. It's not like anyone goes out their way to become suicidal! I guess we can get caught up in dwelling in negativity. Still- that's often because it feels safer- or, more realistic!

Really- I just get annoyed when anyone basically tells someone off for how they're feeling. Or- that they need to make more effort to change. Fine- if they themselves want to change but it just feels like we're all circus monkeys that need to be funny, jolly and content with our lives in order to make it more pleasant for others to be around us.

 

[rollingthunder]

I understand that very much. I have what many would say to be a very privileged life but I'm still deeply unhappy and want to leave. I'm glad your cat is there for you, it is nice to have another creature that loves you like that.