Venting Wanting to Die and Wanting to Live

[Memento]

I can't live with myself, I can't love myself, I can't be myself. The way that I am makes me want to die. My suicidal ideation grows and consumes my thoughts—it feels like the only way out from my hellish life. But the act of actually ctb is difficult for me. I can't imagine how my family would react; the grief and pain they would feel prevents me from going through with it (not to mention methods are hard in my circumstances). My desire to ctb is still so strong though—but I keep on going for them. And I hold onto the hope of living my life as myself—free—not confined and restricted under my parent's beliefs.

I suffer so they don't have to suffer losing me, and I don't know much more I can take living like this...

 

[Mia11]

I'm so sorry and sad for you. I could have written that myself word by word. We can't live but then we can't die either.

 

[moonlightstairway]

I have very similar thoughts as you, and I really do hope you can find peace someday, whether it be in life or death. It's so hard to choose what to do when people are going to suffer no matter what. It's so hard to decide if it's better to be selfish or selfless. The world makes living so painful.

 

[FuneralCry]

Feeling trapped here in this world really can be so awful, it's true that there is too much suffering in existing and it certainly sounds tiring what you have to go through. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[storeboughtisfine]

Life is exhausting. I hope you're able to keep going, if that's what you're choosing to do. I hope one day you're able to find something that brings you unbridiled joy.

 

[SpiderLink]

I can't live with myself, I can't love myself, I can't be myself. The way that I am makes me want to die. My suicidal ideation grows and consumes my thoughts—it feels like the only way out from my hellish life. But the act of actually ctb is difficult for me. I can't imagine how my family would react; the grief and pain they would feel prevents me from going through with it (not to mention methods are hard in my circumstances). My desire to ctb is still so strong though—but I keep on going for them. And I hold onto the hope of living my life as myself—free—not confined and restricted under my parent's beliefs.

I suffer so they don't have to suffer losing me, and I don't know much more I can take living like this...

Man I feel u. Your not alone in feeling this way sending hugs