Wanting to ctb even more when I look at ''job offers''

[lnlybnny]

I'm a 29 who never had a job/dream career/goals regarding any job and when I look at ''job offers'' my wish to ctb increases much deeper. It drains me and makes me even more unmotivated. This makes me realize that I should indeed ctb because this is an unsustainable life and the people who support me can't stand me anymore, and I feel ashamed. Also I don't see myself wageslaving and I don't understand how anyone can settle for this life and pretend everything is good and fine, like there's no way out. I'd much rather just fade than having to put up with this kind of thing. I wasn't born for this I'm 100% sure. I can't envision myself having this kind of normie life.

Can anyone relate?

 

[Trav1989]

I can empathize but to go further, even with a decent career life is EXTREMELY difficult if you don't put yourself inside a bubble that shields you from reality. Best case scenario we find a solid career, get married to a wonderful spouse, have kids, and retire with 20 odd years of freedom from the machine before we expire. Even then, your living in a glass castle at that point and a SINGLE thing going wrong will shatter your reality quicker than you'll realize and then you join the club to which there is no return to normalcy because at that point you have found out that there is no safety net to catch you and you can keep falling further and further down until you will wish you had ended everything but by that point it's too late and your existence is resigned to either the cold streets or a cell and the only thing keeping you warm at night is either your memories that are akin to an opiate buzz that is fleeting or a ratty blanket.

The trick is to catch yourself on the way down while you have some personal agency because if you don't you won't even possess that.

 

[Kadaver]

I'm a 29 who never had a job/dream career/goals regarding any job and when I look at ''job offers'' my wish to ctb increases much deeper. It drains me and makes me even more unmotivated. This makes me realize that I should indeed ctb because this is an unsustainable life and the people who support me can't stand me anymore, and I feel ashamed. Also I don't see myself wageslaving and I don't understand how anyone can settle for this life and pretend everything is good and fine, like there's no way out. I'd much rather just fade than having to put up with this kind of thing. I wasn't born for this I'm 100% sure. I can't envision myself having this kind of normie life.

Can anyone relate?

I relate to this a ton. I'm unemployed but I have had jobs in the past—both made my mental health deteriorate to the point where I could hardly stand it anymore.

The idea of working any more than 5 years at some dead-end job sounds like a nightmare. The idea of working any job sounds like hell, but not really because I'm lazy. It's more that I don't have a choice. I either work or end up homeless. I don't really have a "dream job" or any aspirations.

I depend on people rn. I'm living with my dad because my roommate couldn't handle my mental health issues. I feel like I can't take care of myself and its making me a huge burden to those I care most about.

My roommate stopped me from killing myself a few months ago but at least if I was dead I wouldn't be constantly needing people to help me.

 

[lnlybnny]

I can empathize but to go further, even with a decent career life is EXTREMELY difficult if you don't put yourself inside a bubble that shields you from reality. Best case scenario we find a solid career, get married to a wonderful spouse, have kids, and retire with 20 odd years of freedom from the machine before we expire. Even then, your living in a glass castle at that point and a SINGLE thing going wrong will shatter your reality quicker than you'll realize and then you join the club to which there is no return to normalcy because at that point you have found out that there is no safety net to catch you and you can keep falling further and further down until you will wish you had ended everything but by that point it's too late and your existence is resigned to either the cold streets or a cell and the only thing keeping you warm at night is either your memories that are akin to an opiate buzz that is fleeting or a ratty blanket.

The trick is to catch yourself on the way down while you have some personal agency because if you don't you won't even possess that.

Sorry but... What do you mean with the last sentence? That we should indeed ctb before it gets worse?

I understand, life is so unpredictable and I feel terrified to think of everything it might have in store.

I relate to this a ton. I'm unemployed but I have had jobs in the past—both made my mental health deteriorate to the point where I could hardly stand it anymore.

The idea of working any more than 5 years at some dead-end job sounds like a nightmare. The idea of working any job sounds like hell, but not really because I'm lazy. It's more that I don't have a choice. I either work or end up homeless. I don't really have a "dream job" or any aspirations.

I depend on people rn. I'm living with my dad because my roommate couldn't handle my mental health issues. I feel like I can't take care of myself and its making me a huge burden to those I care most about.

My roommate stopped me from killing myself a few months ago but at least if I was dead I wouldn't be constantly needing people to help me.

I'm sorry you relate. It's a horrible feeling to depend on other people. It's a paradox because I know I'm independent in the sense that I love being on my own all the time, always did, I really enjoy being alone doing nothing, or doing what people might call ''wasting time''. But that involves other people having to pay for my living and it's humiliating.

 

[Little_Suzy]

I don't understand wage slavery mentally because I knew from a young age that earning my own money was my ticket to freedom. People who don't have their own source of income are the most vulnerable and face the harshest conditions. Making my own money excited me!

I do understand the reality that working long hours long-term may not be sustainable for many of us due to mental illness, which causes chronic fatigue, mood swings, and insomnia. You don't need to do everything by yourself. Marrying someone who earns a high income and provides is an easy way to balance this. It's even better if that person is a high-functioning, moderately social "schizoid," because they aren't energy vampires and don't let their emotions rule. They prefer to keep to themselves and live in peace. It's a suitable match if you're independent and don't require emotional support from your partner.

 

[ame03]

I have put in over 100 job applications in the last month, and nothing. I'm 3 classes away from a ba I'll never be able to pay for. 60 grand in debt, no support system. Family doesn't give a shit, no friends. I'm 53 and no matter what I do I end up right back here. I've sacrificed and helped others my whole life and none of it mattered.

 

[Trav1989]

Sorry but... What do you mean with the last sentence? That we should indeed ctb before it gets worse?

I understand, life is so unpredictable and I feel terrified to think of everything it might have in store.

I'm sorry you relate. It's a horrible feeling to depend on other people. It's a paradox because I know I'm independent in the sense that I love being on my own all the time, always did, I really enjoy being alone doing nothing, or doing what people might call ''wasting time''. But that involves other people having to pay for my living and it's humiliating.

Either CTB or go through the hoops again hoping for the best. I did the latter multiple times, who knows how many in all honesty. Each result tended to have a worse outcome than the prior attempt. Sure, there were some bones thrown my way either by chance or a helping hand but they were few and far between and such happened less as time went on.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I really relate. Slightly different circumstances. I do have a prefered job- a creative freelance job which up until recently was a coping mechanism generally throughout life. But, whenever that is under threat- which is lots, I'm at my very worst. I've already worked 10 years in retail. I know very well how much I hate it. Also, there's the whole- wtf am I even doing this? Doing a job I hate to support a life I hate and don't even want! It is ridiculous on the face of it. But, like many others I suspect, I'm holding on and trying to be financially independent so that it doesn't upset others. Parents mostly- the people who brought us into this mess to begin with. Ironic really.

 

[lnlybnny]

Maybe I should look into job offers all the time this way my energy to even plan my ctb and overcome SI might appear lol

 

[nonliv]

Very much so. Jobs/ looking for housing is exhousting. You can just fuking sence the people who run this shit are money hungry assholes and they do the bare fuking minimum too get you. It's awful

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Why work when we can just simply die and do nothing? I'm really surprised that only 700,000 people worldwide make the voluntary escape from this rat race year. With billions wanting out, you'd think it'd be much, much more.

 

[lnlybnny]

Very much so. Jobs/ looking for housing is exhousting. You can just fuking sence the people who run this shit are money hungry assholes and they do the bare fuking minimum too get you. It's awful

I really wish to understand normies dynamics when it comes to having discipline and will power when to me nothing of this makes sense

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I totally understand you. Job-Offers can already make suicidal but what's probably even worse is the many rejectoins that have to be expected. That can be so draining.

That's why I don't search/apply for wage-slave jobs, it would probably just make life worse.

 

[happynuclearwinter]

Same