wanting recovery while health declines

[amnotreal]

we have declining health. we have hope to get better. waiting for doctor from standford decide if he take out case.

I have DIDi right now I feel like a we and not an I. for me did is very intertwined with suicidal thoughts and things. we keep the means for several methods with us as it helps us feel safer to hape options

but our meds are working and we find we want to stay alive for a while though the body is maybe dying or getting very very sick and maybe it will get better partially or fully.

it is strange to want to live though and nice in a way. sad to want to when we cant do anything fun that we love. cant garden or hike or swim we are bed ridden and much of the time incontinent so in depends which is depressing. depressing in a different way we have no anhedonia. we find ourselves with hope we havent had in a very long time though. we hope we hold on to it and we keep wanting the recovery. right now we very much do.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yeah, recovery is something very hard to deal with.
I've been trying to recover since last February and I've made lots of progress but I will always want to ctb. It's just part of me.

Anyway, whatever happens, wish you lots of love and peace!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[timf]

I don't know if you have tried anything like listening to books on tape (or mp3). If you have limited physical activities, you might find interest in letting your mind explore realms of fiction. They might be available to those with physical disabilities for free like "books for the blind".