Discussion Want vs Need to ctb...

[MeltingHeart]

I am not sure if this is just semantics... but do you feel like WANT to ctb or you NEED to... that is... do you feel like for whatever reason it has just become now somehow an intrinsic desire ...like it is simply something you want to do or rather you now need to-you don't want to as such, but all your woes be they physical , mental , general life stuff etc. Has just backed you into a corner so to speak & it feels like something you need to do? I don't want to...but I feel like I need to- because for complex reasons I know I can't live a happy life now, I don't want to do it but feel like I have too. Or exist in a state of torment & misery. Which is obvs not great.

 

[*KNAZ*]

I am not sure if this is just semantics but do you feel like WANT to ctb or you NEED to... that is... do you feel like it is for whatever reason had just become now somehow an intrinsic desire ...like it is simply something you want to do or rather you need -you don't want to as such, but feel that ur woes be they physical , mental , general life stuff etc. Has just backed you into a corner so to speak & it feels like something you need to do? I don't want to/ but I feel like I need to/- because for complex reasons I know I can't live a happy life now, I don't want to do it but feel like I have to now. Or exit in state of torment & misery. Obvs not great.

I feel like I am being backed into a corner and need to. I sort of want to but I think it's because I don't see any hope.

A good question to ask for this is "if you won a million dollars, would you still want to CTB?"

My answer would probably be no since that amount of money would fix all of my worldly problems. Then I could address the internal ones. That would include moving somewhere away from fucking people.

 

[Moon Flower]

It's a little of both

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I feel like I need to. Not because my life sucks but because I NEED to. I can't explain it. It's just what I have to do. It's in my programming.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

For most of my life, I WANTED to ctb. Then a "friend" stole my entire life savings and ruined my credit overnight. In an instant, I joined the group Americans (the world?) hate about the most: the poor. Now I NEED to ctb.

 

[Nem]

Getting forced to do it because of circumstances
Peace hugs

 

[trynacbt]

Definitely need. I feel an urgency because I'm very afraid of the future and my own inability to make my own, independent life. I think I'm meanwhile tricking myself into thinking I *want* to, so that I don't feel so despondent.

 

[*KNAZ*]

Definitely need. I feel an urgency because I'm very afraid of the future and my own inability to make my own, independent life. I think I'm meanwhile tricking myself into thinking I *want* to, so that I don't feel so despondent.

How are things going? Is locking your door working so far?

 

[trynacbt]

How are things going? Is locking your door working so far?

Thanks for checking in! I really only need it to work on the night that I ctb. But yes, it should go fine, I'll just lock the door after everyone else is asleep...

 

[oopswronglife]

Don't want to. Cannot survive with things getting worse and being treated so poorly. This country has no social assistance, (but hey guns are a "RIGHT"! unlike that moochy healthcare stuff) and I can't get anywhere decent so I get to kill myself. Yay capitalism.

 

[*KNAZ*]

Thanks for checking in! I really only need it to work on the night that I ctb. But yes, it should go fine, I'll just lock the door after everyone else is asleep...

I hope it all works out for you.

Don't want to. Cannot survive with things getting worse and being treated so poorly. This country has no social assistance and I can't get anywhere decent so I get to kill myself. Yay capitalism.

Maybe not so much capitalism as it is greed, hoarding resources, and suppressing benevolent technology that could change living conditions for the better. This world has become unsurvivable. Just a brutal one-shot-at-success. Kind of like being shot from a cannon and hoping you land in the net. No do overs.

 

[Misanthrope]

I feel backed into a corner that no amount of mental gymnastics can fix. Attempts at it may as well be attempts to will shit to taste like strawberries, reality is just not on my side. I have no want to do this and am pretty scared. However it is a need as simple as the basest of needs. The desire to escape pain. Since its a pain that can't be got rid of,. I have certainly tried there. I cannot settle for a life lived as a hollow spectator relegated to pain for my natural remaining span. Honestly that thought is more horrifying than the damage I am going to do to my loved ones. I need to die in the same way people need to get out of burning buildings. No want or choice, just instinctive need to get out before I suffer third degree burns and learn what that actually feels like.

 

[morningdew]

Both. Want to ctb as health is only getting worse. Need to ctb at some point as it will just be suffering without any hope.
The best quote I've come across from stories of people who made the choice to die instead of suffering endlessly: "Not too soon, not too late" I guess I'll know when I get there. Maybe things will go the other direction but I know having a plan in place is very important to me.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I feel like I am being backed into a corner and need to. I sort of want to but I think it's because I don't see any hope.

A good question to ask for this is "if you won a million dollars, would you still want to CTB?"

My answer would probably be no since that amount of money would fix all of my worldly problems. Then I could address the internal ones. That would include moving somewhere away from fucking people.

I have thought about that winning money question alot- if youd asked me even a couple of years ago- id have said yes - it would have sorted alot of stuff out.. at the time & when i needed it most- and it would'nt have needed to be anywhere near as much as that!-now however i know it would not make any difference to how i feel -i've crossed that line in my head- the only thing it would faciliate would be getting N & or travelling to a place to get it- & knowing that I could leave funds to people i care about- its sad to admit but literally nothing could change the way I feel now- except a time machine.

I feel like I am being backed into a corner and need to. I sort of want to but I think it's because I don't see any hope.

A good question to ask for this is "if you won a million dollars, would you still want to CTB?"

My answer would probably be no since that amount of money would fix all of my worldly problems. Then I could address the internal ones. That would include moving somewhere away from fucking people.

yeah lack of hope is the sucker.

For most of my life, I WANTED to ctb. Then a "friend" stole my entire life savings and ruined my credit overnight. In an instant, I joined the group Americans (the world?) hate about the most: the poor. Now I NEED to ctb.

great 'friend'!! how the hell did they do/ get away with that?! jezuz christ. im so sorry.

Getting forced to do it because of circumstances
Peace hugs

likewise :(

Definitely need. I feel an urgency because I'm very afraid of the future and my own inability to make my own, independent life. I think I'm meanwhile tricking myself into thinking I *want* to, so that I don't feel so despondent.

I think i am doing the same! i keep trying to play psycholoical tricks on myself!

Don't want to. Cannot survive with things getting worse and being treated so poorly. This country has no social assistance, (but hey guns are a "RIGHT"! unlike that moochy healthcare stuff) and I can't get anywhere decent so I get to kill myself. Yay capitalism.

so yr in the states?-yeah its pretty messed up there! not to say the U.K isnt-esp. at the mo! ive nevr been to the states but the little that i know about the healthcare system is pretty damn shocking...

Both. Want to ctb as health is only getting worse. Need to ctb at some point as it will just be suffering without any hope.
The best quote I've come across from stories of people who made the choice to die instead of suffering endlessly: "Not too soon, not too late" I guess I'll know when I get there. Maybe things will go the other direction but I know having a plan in place is very important to me.

i like that quote- not sure if you know or like the author Hunter S. Thompson- i was chatting on here about him to someone else recently- there are some good quotes from him that he made and that relate to ctb before you get to a certain stage of unwellness (which i feel can be applicable to both mental & physical suffering)

 

[oopswronglife]

greed, hoarding resources,

Inherent to capitalism. A system that is a competition for things where the goal is to get more than others means there has to be winners and losers. People support it because they think they can be a winner unlike those filthy losers who are losers. They NEED and DESERVE their luxuries and those dirty lowers should just be born into money or get lucky like they were or just not get sick or disabled and lose everything.

There is enough for everyone. The distribution is all wrong because some want it all and most think everyone else is "taking" from them. In any of the social democracies (the best thing that exists even though its a hybrid), actual first world nations unlike this third world shithole, I would be able to live as I would have social support. Here I get to die. I get to die because people vote against helping. I get to die because a judge said DENIED for disability because he decided I didn't deserve it and was lying. I get to die because even though I did everything right, saved, worked hard, was honest and helped others, when I needed help it was "hah not with MY money" from the self righteous "Christian Murican" society. Even people who are sinking themselves continue to extole the virtues of how amazing it is here to anyone who will listen. I hate this place and want nothing more than to leave, but what this greedy system did to me with its for profit surgery and then abandoning me I cannot even manage to "GTFO IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT".

 

[*KNAZ*]

Inherent to capitalism. A system that is a competition for things where the goal is to get more than others means there has to be winners and losers. People support it because they think they can be a winner unlike those filthy losers who are losers. They NEED and DESERVE their luxuries and those dirty lowers should just be born into money or get lucky like they were or just not get sick or disabled and lose everything.

There is enough for everyone. The distribution is all wrong because some want it all and most think everyone else is "taking" from them. In any of the social democracies (the best thing that exists even though its a hybrid), actual first world nations unlike this third world shithole, I would be able to live as I would have social support. Here I get to die. I get to die because people vote against helping. I get to die because a judge said DENIED for disability because he decided I didn't deserve it and was lying. I get to die because even though I did everything right, saved, worked hard, was honest and helped others, when I needed help it was "hah not with MY money" from the self righteous "Christian Murican" society. Even people who are sinking themselves continue to extole the virtues of how amazing it is here to anyone who will listen. I hate this place and want nothing more than to leave, but what this greedy system did to me with its for profit surgery and then abandoning me I cannot even manage to "GTFO IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT".

Inherent to capitalism. A system that is a competition for things where the goal is to get more than others means there has to be winners and losers. People support it because they think they can be a winner unlike those losers who are losers. They NEED and DESERVE their luxuries and those dirty proles should just be born into money or get lucky like they were. There is enough for everyone. The distribution is all wrong because some want it all. In any of the social democracies, the best thing that exists even though its a hybrid, I would be able to live as I would have social support. Here I get to die. I get to die because people vote against helping. I get to die because a judge said DENIED for disability because he decided I didn't deserve it and was lying. I get to die because even though I did everything right, saved, worked hard, was honest and helped others, when I needed help it was "hah not with MY money" from society.

Well we are all in the same boat. I wish you well. Hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Need. My mental and physical health betrays me. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live this way anymore.

 

[THCTemplar]

It's a little of both

But outsiders who don't get it act like it's a want for me and I'm just selfish.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

But outsiders who don't get it act like it's a want for me and I'm just selfish.

You should never have to validate why. I'll tell them where to go for ya! x

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

Not both. I MUST.

My physical and cognitive symptoms keep getting worsening and I have lost everything. My personality, emotions, intelligence, memory, etc. I even lost my only long term friend. We are still talking sometimes but I'm just roboticaly replying. No emotions, no cleverness..

My physcial symptoms embarassing me all the time at school.

And on top of these, I'm being forced to get good marks. I don't even have %10 of my old cognitive ability. They never once believed that there is a problem with me.

I have all the required materials for SN protocol. I wish I can just drink it.

 

[Kodama]

I need so I want...

 

[jgm63]

Inherent to capitalism. A system that is a competition for things where the goal is to get more than others means there has to be winners and losers. People support it because they think they can be a winner unlike those filthy losers who are losers. They NEED and DESERVE their luxuries and those dirty lowers should just be born into money or get lucky like they were or just not get sick or disabled and lose everything.

There is enough for everyone. The distribution is all wrong because some want it all and most think everyone else is "taking" from them. In any of the social democracies (the best thing that exists even though its a hybrid), actual first world nations unlike this third world shithole, I would be able to live as I would have social support. Here I get to die. I get to die because people vote against helping. I get to die because a judge said DENIED for disability because he decided I didn't deserve it and was lying. I get to die because even though I did everything right, saved, worked hard, was honest and helped others, when I needed help it was "hah not with MY money" from the self righteous "Christian Murican" society. Even people who are sinking themselves continue to extole the virtues of how amazing it is here to anyone who will listen. I hate this place and want nothing more than to leave, but what this greedy system did to me with its for profit surgery and then abandoning me I cannot even manage to "GTFO IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT".

Although I haven't fully thought it through, a form of capitalism could potentially work to a degree, if MANY modifications to its system were made. And one of the key modifications would be an enormous narrowing of the gap between higher and lower earners. And of course, power would need to be seized from service-to-self beings by service-to-others beings. Sooner or later this will likely come about, since karma cannot go unpaid indefinitely, although it may require the intervention of God's will to bring about. Also keep in mind that in a previous incarnation, you might have been one of the wealthy, and in this incarnation your soul growth may have been served by being on the other side of the equation. Similarly, the currently wealthy may have to incarnate next time on the other end of the spectrum, so in fact you may be ahead of them. However, if your soul absorbs the necessary lessons, and lets go of any resentment ( which may be another lesson ), then you may be able to better manifest in the material sense. I'm not saying any of this with any certainty of knowledge, just offering a possible explanation that could be of use....